With every turn
people deny what exists
with every minute scrolling
through this whitewashed set
writing becomes
harder

to every new post
the poisonous nature of
being becomes
clearer

with every new
comment
hope fades

My black has roamed the earth since the beginning of time. And even before the biblical earth was created.
Before civilization became mainstream and hungry European limbs raced for a stake in Africa.
My black existed even before the term "*****" was coined in the 1800s to name me into a corner with property, beasts, and things that crawl the earth.
Before the exploration of Sub-Saharan Africa in the 15th century, during the Age of Discovery, my black thrived and survived.
Even then, we were more than just bodies existing. It meant something. We meant something to our families and friends and communities. We were nations of tribes and cities on rich and fertile soil, with traditions and cultures where women ran and led families and armies. Where babies became land-owners at birth. And trees sang their names to the skies in celebration.
You see, my black is progressive.
My black was never stronger than it is now.
I won’t break, no matter how hard they try to subjugate me.
They will not succeed, they shall not.
My black shall conquer any injustices committed against me.
My black is God-given and me, thus my black is unapologetic.
My black is strong.
My black is multi-dimensional, complicated, and many different things beyond the color of my skin or the nature of my ***** hair.
my black and I are more than just my ethnicity or race.
My black is stronger than every standard of beauty I am forced to live up to.
My black is human and compassionate.
My black gives me the power I need, to step into my own peculiar trajectory and destiny.
I do not blame them, for not being able to understand my black, because it took me a long time, to fully comprehend, accept, and step into the power of my blackness.
Now that I do, I am unashamed and proud of who and what I am in my blackness.
They may try to enslave and keep me in darkness and ******* but like a phoenix from the ashes, my black shall rise and prevail.
My voice will be heard.
They may shoot me, spite me and even dismiss me all they want but still, they will never **** my black.
Even in despair, my blackness comforts me.
My black is too strong to be broken.
And I am Valid.

One knee
One life
One soul
One son
One brother
One friend
One husband
One father
One grave
One
Last
Breath

When I look at my city
I see
Boarded windows and doors
I see
Broken glass
I see
Grafitti messages eternalized on old fences and buildings
I see
Protesters fighting to be heard in a sea of voices
I see
Cotten whisps floating and blown away and forgotten like the crimes against innocent people of color committed by white police
I see
Fear in tired eyes, afraid that their children might not come home alive
I see
The man running this country denying and reading someone else's words
I see
Injustice and refusal of the second amendment
I see
The place I call my home
suddenly not safe anymore
for people of color
that America is built on

My friend calls me and tells me that this time around we need to re apply for our jobs after quarantine.
I tell her *******.
You see, I am not joking. I mean it.
I got tired of people treating me the way the want.
Now I will get treated the way I want.

My work place sends me an addendum.
They want to cut salaries despite the fact that we've been working full time despite the pandemic.
I hear it is up to 50%
You see I am a teacher.
When a pandemic happens I still follow my timetable.
I show up and teach, and call or email those that aren't showing up.
And tell them to show up.....
So I say *******.
I cannot sign something I do not agree with.

This guy I used to date started texting me.
He says he hasn't been with anyone because of the pandemic.
He says I am his best option 'right now'
I say *******.
I turn off my data and go to bed.
You see I am no longer available for your entertainment.
I once 'dated' this American white male who told me I wasn't supposed to have an opinion....
I text people I like now..... that really really like me back

When my boss calls me.
She doesn't say hello or check if I am well.
She goes straight off to yelling and screaming.
I say *******.
I turn off my phone and move on with my life.
Because despite falling apart and feeling so lost most days in this pandemic.
I did show up and do my job
So when she learns to communicate, I will talk to her.

I applied for a job, no jobs where they told me..
the problem is my nationality.
Not my papers, experience or inability to perform...
In fact before I told them where I am from, they told I could make a good addition to the team.
Until I turned out African.
So I say ******* when your online course says it will open global opportunities for me.

Because the world is 'woke' now.
African Americans can chant 'Black lives matter'
Their voices are heard and the world chants with them in solidarity.
So this is me whispering
That my Black life matters too....
My voice, my thoughts and opinions matter too....
And hoping the world will hear me too one day
And stand with me in solidarity.....

I'm not angry, I am just fighting for my rights.

I used to have a classmate
Who was disappointed in me one day
Because I wrote about how the flag
The pride of our nation
Reminded me of hate
But she would not read what I had to say

She thought the same as a lot of people
Who do not look like me
The look at the flag and see proud history
But we see our blood running in streams
We see stars that we cannot reach
Because for far too long
For reasons unbeknownst to me
We are treated like the enemy

We go for a run
We read in our cars
We ask you for help

Then we're falsely accused
And beaten bruised
You put your knees in our necks
And bullets in our backs
You dare to call this the land of the free and justice for all
When we could not be farther from that

And yet you blame us

We are lazy
We play victim
We play the race card
But you make a profit when we are behind bars

Do you really believe we have ourselves to blame
When for centuries you've treated us like animals impossible to tame
It's hard to get an education in a nation that does not care
Where we are bullied because of skin
And thrown away because of our hair
We cannot go shopping in peace
Whether for magazines or for our next meal
You watch us, follow us, or keep is from entering
Because you're afraid that we'll steal

But you've stolen our freedom and hate our success
In a nation under God that's supposedly blessed
Our triumph angers you
Heat rushes to your cheeks
You cannot deny this
'Cause we remember Black Wall Street

Tell me why are you so indifferent
Why are you so blind
Why can't you see past your privilege and pride
Why do you care more about keeping us in chains
Than when we die
Than when we are killed right in front of your eyes

We can't breathe

But you refuse to hear me
You don't want our voices to be heard
But you will fight with your life just to say the n word

We can't breathe

For hundreds of years
In hundreds of ways
You've kept us slaves
You put our liberty in graves
Freedom that was never truly alive in the first place
But we will let no man pull us low enough to hate

Instead we will fight
We will write
We will sing
We will preach
We will rise

You set fire to our structures
But we will burn across the sky
We will march hand in hand
Until you understand

That despite different complexions, hair textures, and body shapes
That the same blood runs through all of our veins
That there is only one human race

We will have liberty
We will have justice
And we will have peace
For the first time in centuries

We will be able to breathe

I WANT TO BREATHE
A Poem Of Lamentations
By Max Ese Anderson
................

They try to rewrite 400 years of history
Their glory is a product of our suffering
They want us to pray, and not to worry
We did that, but they never say sorry
Rather, it keeps getting more gory
With knees on our throats, provoking our fury

I can't breathe, I need to change this story

Stop distorting humanity
Racism is nothing but vanity
An ugly blend of ignorance and stupidity
It shall always breed strife in our community
The solution is justice and equity
And respect for every man's individuality

I must breathe, as designed by the Almighty

You've killed one George too many
Replacing part of democracy with tyranny
You're renowned for this intolerable infamy
You need to return the statue of Liberty
You act off tangent with her tenets of equality
Yes, I want to breathe, today and for eternity
I need guarantee, for me and my progeny

....(c) Max Ese Anderson 02/06/2020

Moving forward
burning inside
as a witness to the heartbreaking truth
of humanity

We shall blow out the flame of hate
We shall instead grow the tree of acceptance
and uproot weeds of hate
to be burnt in flames of passion

And start over

i wonder if you know what it's like to be them
to have to carry your hands on the sides of your body
because keeping them in the pocket of your hoodie would lead to speculation
that you're carrying a weapon you're in no possession of
eyes on you wherever you go
warnings made over the radio
demands from behind you
"hands over your head where i can see them"
the sound of incoming sirens cue a scene they're far too familiar with
as you sit in the audience, row M, popcorn in your hand, watching the star in suspense
“but officer I’m not carrying a weapon, look—“
…
Boom.
suspicion is justifiable for a bullet hole in their chest
does that same rule apply to you?
…
i wonder if you know what it's like to be in the presence of another
and sense the shift in their body as they do their best to distance themselves from you
because apparently there's an imprint across your forehead that screams:
DANGER
...
you probably don't
because it is you who shifts uncomfortably
clutching a little tighter to your purse and wallet
...
who was the first person who told you to stay away?
…
i wonder if you know what it feels like to have expectations already made for you
they are nothing in comparison to the ones you are assigned at birth
they are nothing like the expectations you are molded into as a child
because unlike them,
you are told you can accomplish anything
you are told you can fight for what you believe in
with no repercussions
you are told you can become whoever you want to be
and you never doubt it
unlike you,
they are the ones placed under the knees of blue in suffocation
another byproduct of history
the expectations placed on them are ones that have been running through the vines of their family tree ever since its seed was planted on this foreign soil
...
they very same ones that deem them
inferior
lazy
dangerous
...
all attributes used to create a segregation amongst us people
a definitive fine line
that if one oversteps
proclaiming unity and equity among us all
prepare for the raise of a hand
a baton enwrapped by fingers who are supposed to instill peace
they've reigned terror on the same people they're assigned to protect
a contradiction, wouldn't you agree?
"Land of the Free"
then why are so many of our people expected to succumb to oppression and dehumanization
why'll the rest of us reside comfortably in our luxury and privilege?
without worry of an invasion
8 shots released in deep sleep
"wrong house" they said...
but this is america
right?
...
i wonder if you've lived life being told you'll fall under the same pattern as your ancestors
that there is no way of breaking the chain
...
i wonder if you know what it feels like to be treated as a token everyone loves displaying for attention
but when the moment comes to fight their truth
...
that attention ceases to exist
...
i wonder if you realize your duty in this fight for justice
but if you don't
i congratulate you
...
you've lived a life safe and sound
away from interrogation
fear
strictness
alertness
you've lived a life where the color of your skin does not predict your destiny
it's formed a shield
a layer that obliterates
accusation
gunshots
abuse
neglect
and prejudice in its most destructive form
...
to be born in this nation as white is the equivalent of getting a head start in the 400m relay we call life
running gracefully with the most opulent shoes for support
jumping over hurdles with an effortless ease
coached by the best of the best
your privilege awards you the golden ticket
tell me
why are you so reluctant in using it for justice?
-c. alejandra