Mostly, I am numb
Sometimes I feel
I feel fire, tearing my chest
Or rivers, cascading down my cheeks
I feel that I am, a ghost already
I feel insubstantial
As I breathe, because I must
I pretend, fake, living
In fact I simply move
I follow the actions
The processes, to survive
I, am numb
Sometimes, I feel

there is nothing more to do but let the rain pour. it is pointless to try but we all try pointless things in the hope that they won't be for us. we throw umbrellas to the sky in anger and stamp in puddles out of frustration.

"IT JUST NEVER LISTENS!"
"IT JUST NEVER TRIES!"

from throats that are filled with apathy but momentarily outraged.
we think it will be different.
we try to make be different.
we start begging it to be different.
yet

It still rains.
(and we are at a loss.)

Your apathy walks atop my broken faith with
nonchalant animosity.

yesterday    I woke up late
                     forgot to shower
                     skipped a class
                     couldn't relate
yesterday    was complacent
                             cold
                             quaint
yesterday    changed as the leaves do
                     my heart matched the trees
                     red when it fell
                     on my sleeve for you
                               I saw       yesterday     today
                 Nobody feels       yesterday     like you do
       Everyone listens to       yesterday     speak, sigh, cry
          But forgets about       yesterday     who what why
         Sometimes today is my      yesterday
                              I am scared of
                    can't run away from
                                                         yesterday

Solar Apathy
like a slow sunset
my brain's in my head
sometimes I forget

Because these thoughts
are comin' from my chest
when I feel undercast
it's Cardiac Arrest

And I'm glaring at the sky
in Lunar Protest
'dont' understand why
but it's what I know best

Ask me
   From midnight to noon
why apathy's
   Got me like cycles of the moon

And when I see your eyes
it's my heart's sunrise
and my brain can breathe
and my heart knows why

They way I miss you's
how the sun knows the moon
Is this solar apathy
the way it has to be?

Oh, the night's terrible beauty
   and each look in your eyes
puts my heart in my head
   and my brain in the sky

I am a demon
I am my wicked thoughts

An anarchist to everything
Pure, simple and true.

I clean my teeth with your despair
destroy your dreams with one simple laugh
I can twist your words like curls around a finger

and yet
I am my own demon picking at my own voices
hoping they would crack and bleed
just another ant on the surface or a zero in binary code
craving to be something honest
maybe even simple
up high on the mountains with delicate, glass bones
I want to cause celebration from my own destruction.

Bored, bored, bored.
Talking is an automatic loop,
two records play succinctly.

She will ask you how do you feel,
what has happened since last week.
Did you go out Saturday?
Did the torrent of anxiety swell up again?
Another face
Same question
My problems are common
And yes, there lies the rub.

I don't like people
I won't **** you, you just confuse me.
Conversations have a formula and I've learnt it well.
One person says something and you respond,
A nod okay
A verbal response, great
More than one sentence, ah yes, a true natural flow.
Easy,
No, no
It's not, it involves effort
A calmed mind
And a skip of the heart.