Gripping onto life,
So delicate, yet so strong,
Tempting fate

Small, yet just enough become lethal;
Meant to make it all right,
Fill you with an artificial happiness...

Nothing occurs;
More are thrown into the digestive acids,
You think;
'Maybe I can be happy at last..'
No.

Shaking, drowsy, dizzy, somewhat pained,
Embarrassed by what you have done,
The next day, you wish it to return,
There you go again,
Swallowing those small white spheres;
All to feel something.

- Jay M
March 20th, 2019

i feel it in my chest
with every breath feeling heavier than the last, like someone is playing jenga
with concrete stones on my body

my eyes burn
the same type of pain that comes from gripping a hot pan
or pouring acid on your face

i sit atop my bed, restlessly scratching
my arms or my heels
dissecting the layers of my skin
trying to feel something
or for a sign that I’m still alive

then the thoughts come creeping in
about how my body is disgusting
and i should never eat again
and how i’m just not smart enough
and no matter how much stress I put into my work
it will never be enough

even my meds know that I’m not enough
because even the proper dose
can’t help me

You stick us all together
And declare we are the same
As if we all don’t have a different
Tolerance to pain