blue human clouds,
sweetheart,
all you do is rain
so many nights were worth leaving me
and you took them in your vein

you forget me again
and with the things you never say
i guess im to blame
for letting you drive me insane

dying just to smile
coming to the end of your lies
and you,
the end your insides
because pills, people, hearts
all subside

Cars,
Like coffee pots,
Break down,
And more so,
When you least want them to.

So imprisoned,
The frigid,
And with no power-windows,
We didn’t care about the heat,
Only the smoke
That now stung our eyes –

Two-fold
Atop already open wounds,
And the cancerous,
Lying in wait, most often,
Indiscriminately.

So enters the second urge,
And it controls me,
I don’t control “it;”

“It” being a mood frosted
Amnesia, free,
Like beer’s hiss,
At the crack of a can.

And like beer,
“It” runs out
When the money does;

All too quickly to be
Replaced by the
Haunts of –

Bill collectors, war
And the knife in the drawer.

Something beckons when
We spot a diner from within
The snowbound derelict
We reside.

Scraped change and reckonings,
We can afford a few,
Drinks.

Forgotten were the coats when
We abandon ship, abandon you,
Abandon me,
And more importantly,
The haunts;

Our chariot, a remain,
A wreck on shores unknown
With bodies, perhaps,
Left for the living come spring.

I want to stop;
To never do it again.
I've wanted that before,
But I could never make it,
The threat, couldn't shake it.
This time, I have to do it,
Then, it'll be no more.
Six times that has happened,
But there was never any change.
So what's different this time?
Each time I was desperate,
I hate how that feels.
But never hated it enough
To stop what I was doing.
I can't look at myself;
I can't live with it anymore.
I'm tired of the hate,
I'm tired of the shame.
Maybe that's what makes
This time so different.
All the hate has piled up,
A ticking bomb,
And if it explodes, then I'm gone.
I don't want that, so I
Decide to try again,
To lie awake and wait for morning
And see what may come
With the breaking of dawn.
If it is the breaking of me,
Then so be it,
But I will be real.
Real and broken,
But forever rid of the
Mask and the nightmares
That it brought.

Chewing on plastic
Milk maid curd, her currents slowly load torrents
My mind wheel churn, my teeth count the burns
This heavy music feels me with fillings
*****
He felt
*****
It hurt as a child

nails on your back
my head to the wall
i've written a happy ending after all
wishful thinking
becomes a thing of past
i am nothing without you
a toast with broken glass

turn the page if you will
here i'll be, standing still
whatever we erase
is always replaced
by something better
something real

i give you my life
i ask you to keep it
i gave you my heart
i'll admit it has weakened
but that's due to the fact
my love for you has deepened

hold me forever and beyond
i don't care who we hurt
i'll watch the world shatter to hell
before i let you bleed first
romance isn't it
it's a life; a chaos of our own
light the candle to our goblet of dreams
sit next to me on our throne
being apart i just can't condone

if not with you,
i'd rather die alone

you're the perfect novel;
a story on your own and then
i could write pages and pages about your smile
your voice in itself is the greatest poem;
your mind is the pen

not a fairytale, because those are fake
you are here in the now;
your skin i can taste

wrap me in your forever
your world is my home

for if not with you,
i'd much rather die alone.