Am I losing you?
I feel like I am...

maybe it's just because we don't talk as much anymore
and whenever we do
it's catching up
and then silence

we make jokes
reminisce on the crazy **** we did
and laugh our ***** off
       too much for the joke itself
       but if we stop laughing— what then?
so we reminisce some more

You were always one of my closest friends..
       maybe not my best friend, but you were always there
We did everything together, our group. The Boys. Our Group.

now i see you twice a year
and each time is less frequent than the last

And I'm not ready to let you go.
       maybe it's because i know i don't have anyone else like you
       definitely don't have anyone else like you
       and i forget how to make friends
       the new ones aren't as good
I don't do well with change.

       i'll text you occasionally and talk about the unimportant stuff
       but that spark that united us to begin with is gone
       you've changed. i've changed
Our worlds are different now
So what do we have left to connect us?

i don't do well with change

locked up in my head
Taking turn to the mirror
I can see a face instead
That has been much clearer
When I was still in my head
When I knew where I was heading

But things happen and things change
I see time floating away
And every cigarette lands in the ashtray
feels like throwing away time of the days
When I am supposed to show gratitude to my dna

We will grow old that is for sure
What I didn’t know that life is still a long, long journey
Roads need to be walked without insecurity
Like an elephant in the jungle
Be kind and stay humble
first learn how to be kind to yourself
because the magic will outgrow
As impressions will get into you
And not soon enough you see that there is nothing in-between how you once were thinking and the person that you’re being

How do I, how do I go back to times like that
When I was still in my head
My head was all mine
No threat to my shine
Now I feel dead
I lied to myself

The lights were artificial

the room was yet alive

it was cold, though the window was closed

the wind blowing outside mercilessly cried.



His memories lay garbled

as for misery, there was none

he had no company for a long time

and with despair he was done.



The familiarity of others had worn off

the extrovert had died along the way

his conscience seemed to fade and fade

till it was just a stream in his wake.



Running away from what he didn't know

laying waste, everything left was broke

it caught up to him, it was so slow

he found a friend in that haze of smoke.



Days started to pass by ever so fast

the window remained closed for good

the wind beat down at it every night

unhampered by it all, he stood.



Looking around in that pale light

the warmth had left him a long time ago

smiling at his own ****** plight

his friendship with loneliness began to grow.



Deeper and deeper he went into it

till there was nothing, not even light

he had burned his cigarette, blown smoke in the air

he battled with life and had won that fight.