Caught in a dream are how my memories feel.

Simultaneously vivid. Simultaneously murky. Infinitely disconnected.

It is in the deep of night that this truth lays bare
All that had distracted in the day now ensnared
In the thorny thickness of the weight of what’s real
The gravity of everything revealed.

There are days I wish
My feet could firmly plant into the grounds of time
And furnish roots into its fertile soil of blessings eternally mine

And close my eyes and will away its current and its tide
That propels my physical body forward while my soul stays rooted inside

Closing the mind, turning it to stone
While basking in an abyss of yesteryears and days forgone

Until the day you open your eyes and see the blinding truth
There’s no winning time for it will always rob your youth

You may have fooled yourself briefly resisting time’s wordly charms  
But immortalizing moments past will only do you harm

For when you awake from your stupor filled slumber
You will awake to days outnumbered

But by then it’s too late
Are you ready to step out on to your plank of fate?

You constructed paper walls
Of intricate structures infinitely tall

It’s probably the silliest thing of all
Don’t you know that paper will fall?

Could we have seen it coming.
A slow trainwreck running
Its course veering at the margins
Treading away from its origin.

Had we missed all the signs.
Or did we intentionally not see
What was the inevitable, what was to be.

That’s what it felt like when we lost you
To the complex maze that became your truth.
A self-enlightened mind
Impermeable to light, to touch, to time.
An inner sanctum of make-believe so outrageous, so utterly unbelievable
Made of illogical truths only you sought achievable.

What led you to this I can only hazard a guess
Was it divorce, insecurity, a lifetime feeling like you were less.
Why has it come out now when time has already been the test
Was it the lack of medication, a lack of rest.

My brother you are wounded.
Your mind an open sore.
Rest your weary soul.
Torture and pain no more.

Keeping you as my secret
As though the world unknowing
Is infinitely empowering
Like the Mona Lisa smiling
Her gaze perpetrating
Knowing thoughts discerning
Never disclosing yet ever imparting
Secrets untelling
Keeping you guessing and searching
For an inevitable unveiling
Yearning unabating

If you believe life has a way
Of telling you what it wants to say
Without having you ask or listen very hard
You may have unlocked its secrets, seen its cards

Because sometimes I find life will get what it wants you do to
But don’t get me wrong, it listens too

Wishes you may have wished hard and long
Has been distilled into its ear as a song
And sometimes its melody will playback to you
In ways you never expected it to

But hear it you will,
the lyrics now different but still
Fills your Soul
with the same familiar glow

And that’s when you know.  

Life has a way
of telling you things that you hadn’t expected it to say
But things that are supposed to be at the end of the day.

As the days roll into nights
And the nights back into days
It’s just too easy to have time slip away.

But just as the rivers into the seas flow
For this we have but little control

And as we get older for some reason
Time seems to move faster

But that is a misperception you see
For it is when we have little left it becomes as clear as can be

Just as an hourglass drains
At first imperceptibly slow
Until the final sands of time begin to show
By then like a whirlpool
It seems to succumb to gravity’s pull

Where did the time go
Will we ever know.

Hallucinations
Or just creative imagination
Is it a fine line
Drawn in the sand of the sublime

What I see in my mind’s eye
Must be a reminder of simpler times
Before clinical disparity between the two
Was a widening gap that grew
Beyond the realms of just how do I do

But into a more critical territory
As to whether I would be a threat to society
A threat I am not that I am sure
But clinical trials have been introduced to the poor

Chemicals, medicines, therapy for the mind
I’m sure my condition has been treated many times

For big pharma they need reasons to be
Listed on the NYSE
Yearly targets they have and they must narrow my soul
And fit it on their platter of explainable goals
Boardmembers, shareholders, profiteers alike
They need my condition to reach dizzying heights

Well they have done it, they have achieved
A society of those who are aggrieved
To find out in despair
That what was once light is now nobody’s care
Except for those who’e pockets are lined
With people like me, who are apparently out of their mind

I hoped a hope today
That you would see me, hear me, feel me

That my thoughts would enter your head
And you wouldn’t look past me but instead
Reach out, and unlock my soul
A simple gesture untold

But today was like any other day
Where I’m a nobody to you and nobody I’ll stay

It’s only words they say
But words are all we have at the end of the day

To think a thought, feel a feeling
To have you understand what one is meaning

It may not be much but it can cut
Palpable and deep within your gut

It can also heal a gaping wound
Wrap it within its soothing swoon
Of warmth, desire,
Love and fire
Words are there to also inspire

It is only ink to paper
But does incite
Emotions enough to ignite
War and famine
Hate and lament

As it roils and boils
Tumbles and turns
A kaleidoscope mixing bowl it churns

It may only be words
but words aren’t to be spurned
For it has the power to heal or burn.

My little guy is the best little guy
And I’ll tell you why

He gets things beyond his years
You wonder if he has an extra set of ears

Because he hears things I don’t even catch
And he can relay them to you
Yet he’s far from even being two

How does he do this you may ask
Without really language, it’s quite a task

But does it he does in subtle ways
A light hand gesture, a simple gaze
He uses words, one or two
If you’re still lost he’ll try to
Help you along the best ways he knows how
He can utter thoughts without having to say them all aloud

A few times we have tried to attest whether we
Are reading too far in, and whether it’s just me
Trying to decipher what cannot be
Whether everything is happening coincidentally

What we have found is that it is not
His conveyance is one with purpose with thought

I’ll give you an example when he was one and a half
He watched a movie about a dinosaur and a boy you’ll have quite a laugh

As did he,
Until it got to the point where the dinosaur brought the boy back to his family
The dinosaur couldn’t go with
Yet he urged the boy to
Nudged him close and drew a circle around who was who
The boy understood it was time to say goodbye
As did my boy as there were tears in his eyes
Which streamed down his face as he watched and he felt
And his daddy and I were so floored we knelt
Beside him not wanting to deter
The young paltable feelings that stirred
Deep within his young body and mind
A soul that seemed too ripe with time
Time that had not even elapsed
Somehow from somefar away transcended past

Love him love him love him I do
How does he know all this while not even two

I thought a thought yesterday
Fervently worked on it
Then set it free
Thinking if it were mine, it would return to me

I looked for it today
Hoping to gather it in my arms
A harvest of sorts
But it was already gone
It’s clues and remnants, none  

Next time I think a thought and fervently work on it
I need to remember not to set it free
Because if it were mine I should just keep it with me