There are some clumsy minds in this world
but she has a good soul.
The girl with the head of fire,
wild and true; she is
a goddess of flames and beauty
in her certainty of herself.
Something about how fervently alive she is
pulls me into a chaos
I hope I never escape.

Disjointed and ajar
I left the windows to my reality
too far open for far too long
and the judgements got in
the doubts collected
the inflicted pain pooled
puddling at my feet
and somewhere along the way
you flew the coop
leaving me stuck sitting there
with cement shoes on
that I never could get off
again


   Feb., 2017

i tried to write a poem about him
but the entire english language fell short
someone teach me the language love

I spend this remaining time thinking of you. This song floats my mind on its stormiest day. I wait for it to calm, but you are all that stays. No matter how much I shake, you stay like a snow globe; no matter how much is around you, your face is a clear picture. This melody sends me back to a time where everything was okay. I sway to the beat wishing you were in my arms. I wish the brightest day was when you smiled in front of me. Your eyes spray sunshine, but our memories tear me apart. I wonder if you'll ever read my pointless poems. I've spent too long regretting what never could be. I'm sitting behind a phone listening for the moment I can burst into a conversation with you, but its 1 am.

My baby, thank you for visiting. It seems to have been years since I last hears from you. My nights grow darker without you. My days dim to a small flame thaybhelps me push through. Your light has helped Mr see far, but I miss you with my whole heart. Daddy wishes he could be strong for you, but you seem to be stronger than I. I'm proud of you baby girl, I can't wait to see you in heaven.

Your eyes glimmer in the darkest of space. No sun could compare to your brightening smile. my heart loathes what you have and begs for you to share. Let me take you for a midnight drive. Maybe we can catch a movie in the drive-ins, maybe we can just sit at the park and take a long walk as we talk about our past. I want to learn what makes you smile today and what made you smile 10 years ago. Let me into your mind so I can wander into heaven and meet you where our paths cross.

It took years to suppress you and only minutes to embrace. You have given me hell, but let me see some beautiful insights. I've poured you and varied you and did everything to numb you. From drugs to alcohol, self harm to counseling, and you've never died. You've made me feel things I've never wanted to feel, but I thank you for being the only thing to stay by my side.