I'll show you we had a spark
Even if I have to burn us down

the world is full of too many things that I’ve lost control of, like the feeling I get in my stomach when I’ve let myself down completely, like the way my body relentlessly shivers in the icy winds of the frigid earth
and it’s filled with you
I swear on my life that the world has become full of just one person and nobody else and my mind can not control overwhelming thoughts of you or the way your eyes tear apart my muscles and ligaments down to the very fibers they’re made up of
I’ve never in my entire existence met a human being capable of breaking me apart
I’ve never in my entire existence met a human capable of stealing all the stability in my body
the electrical pulses in my brain are intensifying and my heart is being constantly burned by these sadistic waves of shock
I don’t even know you
how is it possible for you to be destroying me?

filled with life or torn down with despair
  
    it all feels the same

I look over at you trying to fathom the thought that the one thing I've wanted all my life, you never even asked for
he fell into your arms with his heart already pulsing in your chest, his veins tangled in your fingers, his eyes secured on you infinitely
staring at your lips I remember how easy it is for them to touch his, how his entire body in a way already belongs to you while I'm just internally wishing it was mine instead
my whole life I've never been one to get the things I want, even if I try achingly hard to obtain them
but you, you never tried
and somehow
you have all I want

i dont understand why im changing, why everything else seems to mean nothing to me, but at the same time i know exactly why
i know its you
its you its you its you its always been
you
i want to get better, oh god how i long to recover from falling so hard and creating a compound wound within the vessels of my already broken heart
at the same time, feeling suffocated by false hope is almost comforting
what else could i possibly keep hope for?
and i know you dont feel the same or at least youll never feel it like i do
but i will always feel the same
no matter how hard it hurts to constantly an relentlessly feel the same
i can't help but hold you captive in my heart
forever

a year ago I was so certain that the devotion I put into you was simply a phase, a distraction, something that I'd forget about once someone more intriguing came around

a year ago I thought the feelings you gave me were insignificant nothings that I only felt because I had nothing else left to feel

a year ago, brown eyes were so dull to me, and now I feel as though I am swimming in an overflow of luminous liquid copper any time you happen to step into my peripheral vision

it's been a year, and I can't breathe anymore
you're all I seem to know

I swear to god I have been digging a tunnel inside my body since my very first day on earth searching for things like personal interests and self-love, things like happiness and creativity, the few things in which separate humans from each other, things that make it known that we are ourselves and no one else, but I’ve been searching for my
whole
life
looking for what makes me who I am
looking for what separates me from every other teenager figuring themselves out as well
but what if there’s nothing to find
what if it’s all for nothing
because I have no idea who I am
and I think I’ll I feel this way for the rest of my life