my babysitter’s best friend pins me to the floor with her knees and makes me say the word *** to my *** brother who’s still facing the corner he was put in for kissing a mirror.  in heaven, you don’t have a mouth.  the man who said he’d hurt before letting pain get stuck with a woman

is dying.

And I love you,
So much more than I love myself

That to say I lost myself
When you left
Is an insult 

To you

i pull away in the nick of time
right before he captures his lips with mine
he grabs my shoulders
my meekness making him bolder
and as i struggle he pulls me in closer
as if this changes the fact that this is part of an older
struggle for dominance
but aware of an audience
i shrug out of his violent embrace
as his angry fingers try to erase
my fear of his anger
my fear that he will linger
in this ferocious dispute
of me trying to escape you
bruises bloom as you glide your hand down my arm
as you make everyone forget with your charm
bruises bloom in my heart
as your words tear me apart
bruises bloom in my mind
as you blind
the ones that could mend
the bruises you tend
like a garden of blue green
roses

You're an addiction I need to quit
A dangerous habit I need to force myself to kick
The good feelings I get that run deep in my veins never last long
Before I know it, I'm used up and you're gone
The explosion of emotions I go through are too intense to take
I go crazy trying to think of excuses to see you, no matter how fake
When you come back around it's never as good as the last
And I'm starting to wish id never met you and that these cravings would pass
But when I pull away, you cling on to me
You know what to say, what to do to make me weak and you ignore my muttered pleas
You know you're bad for me, you're aware that you have me hooked
I try to scream no, but all it takes from you is just one look
I'm losing myself to you
Trying to claw my way out, clutchin at anything or anyone to run back to
You are the drug and I'm your best buyer
I confuse all these feelings with love like emotions, even though I know you're nothing but a liar
I'm numbing my feelings of emptiness with you
And I know you're lonely too
But what you won't allow yourself to see is, I'm not using you the same way you're using me

Lying in the dark
My mind begins to race

What was left undone?
What do I wish erased?

Each morning full of promises
Not all can be fulfilled

Keep moving forward
The pile on my desk tilled

Little victories
Sudden disappointments
Each day a new combination of both

I think I did my best
Try to get some rest

After all Miss Scarlet
Tomorrow's Another Day

He told me commitment was too hard
with a cigarette in his mouth
and tattoos across his skin

-h.w.