You say you know me
   yet you were never there
to hear echoes my thoughts leave
in the dead of the night

                                                          ­         You say you are here for me
     yet not once have I
   picked up the phone
  to see your name illuminate the screen
telling me the words I need to hear

                   You're not alone. I'm the shoulder you can
                                          lean on

                                                            ­           You said you're sorry
      sorry for the times cold metal
    and the copper taste of crimson
  gave me better comfort than
you ever did.

                   You said and said and said
                        but never acted

                   except when it came
         to closing the door behind you
               and never looking back


but you forgot something. You forgot a soul hidden in the corner of the
*empty house

I could light a fire
to the things
I've grown tired of and leave,
of no commitment,
regret,
nor need.

There is sea salt all over my hands, and I know I'm not the ocean.
So let's drink tea out of mason jars,
with cold porcelain shards instead of ice,
and let's cut our mouths on every argument we've ever had.
I hope you don't mind if I make a home out of you,
and I'm sorry if my spirit doesn't fit so well inside of yours, you see
I have been carrying dead weight with me like a terminated pregnancy,
and mourning the emptiness inside of me like a miscarriage.
Now it seems like I'm only giving birth
to the sorrow that my heart cannot hold.
Now I'm starting my mid-life crisis early, stating over, starting with you.
I'm writing my past into the sand, waiting for the tide to clean my slate.
So just wait a little but while I hold my breath hostage,
and I will wait for a ransom to come,
and I will pray that it doesn't come barreling down my door, looking like you.

It's all coming
back to me again

(The Sadness)

It hits me in waves
[Like the pain underneath
the bottom of my ribs]

It screams so loud it
blocks all else sounds

Creeping isn't its thing;
Attacking from behind though is

(And I guess this is
all my fault)

It's my fault for ever thinking
That I could be
happy

      normal

                            

                       (I can't get rid of it.
                                     Please help me get rid of it.)