Of all of the bad decisions
I've made in my life
Loving you was my favorite.

I know it seems overrated half the time
But
*******
It is hard to let go of someone that you loved
And sometimes I think that I'm just another cliche girl
With an obsession for acting pathetic
But
With eyes like yours it was awfully hard to
Forget what you looked like saying you
*Loved me too

How do you do it?
How do you forget, move on?
How to you forget spending so many sunrises with a person?
A person who forced you out of your shell?
A person who, first the first time in four years, seemed like they
    actually cared?
A person who for once made you feel like you could amount to
    something?
Like you didn't have to force yourself into this cookiecutter image?
How do you forget someone who would talk to you untill 2, 3, 4
    every night?
How do you forget the soft, warmness of their sweatpants when
    you were freezing?
Someone who would drive out in the middle of the night just to
    see you?
How do you forget the first person to actually chase you down and
    wrap themselves around you until your wrist stopped bleeding?

sometimes smiles are really tears
and laughs really cries for help
a sliver of hope that someone,
anyone, will save them.
save them, from the vastness,
the oblivion that is worthlessness
every smile is a trembling hand
reaching up from the dark,
wishing that for once,
someone will take their hand
and help them up
before they are too weak
to reach for it
before they fall completely

i havent written in weeks
normally that means i am too dismembered to even think
but this time it's different
this time is because i have nothing left to write
because i am happy
things are looking up
writing for me at least
is for the lows
the loyal friend that helps through the pain
so my friend
you'll hear from me when things get bad
so my friend
you'll hear from me soon

xoxo

I can't sleep. I can't stop thinking of you. You make me so happy.