i am sorry

i am restless
i am tired
i am alone
and i love to be it

you wanted me to be like you
you are comfortable
you are attached
you are emotional

i am sorry

i was not who you wanted
but you were not what i needed
and i care more about my needs
than i do your desires

you will love another
even if you say you won't
i can see the future
and i know yours is bright

i am sorry

watching you hurt was more painful
than the thousands of needles i've had in my skin
it broke my heart more than words can describe
but i had to watch and fixate on how i broke you

you are a flower
and i am a rock
you are so beautiful, and free flowing
and i am solid, secure, and routined

it would have never worked

somewhere between soulmate and first date
between let’s wait and you’re too late
that’s fate and let’s create
you were just bait

my dreams make me feel
as if i see something real
they guide me through
and show me a new view

the scenes i see
they make me plea;
hoping it will become
a much needed reality

but when i awake
and i see it was all a mistake,
something i shouldn’t have seen,
i wonder, what does it all mean?

please stop
the pain is ridiculous
you ruined me
by being so meticulous

you planned every move
every step you took
you had something to prove
and i could only move like a rook

you came at an angle
and i only move in lines
you saw your chance to entangle
me, and come for my spine

you play a good game
a very good match
you knew all my moves and aims
but i think i want a rematch

i wonder what you’ll say about me
what you’ll lie about
how will you lie and scheme
and cause so much doubt

i know that you will
you cannot help but fall
i just hope whatever you spill
won’t be a lie too tall

i wonder who’s next
i wonder if she’ll be like me
these thoughts have me so perplexed
my eye are welling and it’s hard to see

i get choked up so easily
thinking of the past
I don’t want to admit
but sometimes I wish it had last

it’s over now
all said and done, gone like the birds
these thoughts you’ll never hear or read
because you never cared for my words

i always hated its color
but you gave it to me
so i kept wearing it

i always hated the way it fit
but i liked the way it felt
so i kept wearing it

it had that stupid little hole in it
right in the front
but i kept wearing it

i hated that shirt
yet i wore it every day
because you gave it to me

until one day i stopped
and i realized just how
ugly this shirt was

and then i realized
you are the shirt
in every way imaginable

i hated the way you were
like i hated the color of your shirt
but nor you or the color will change

i hated the way you fit me
like i hated the way it fit me
but i convinced myself i looked good in that shirt, and with you

and the hole, well, it just showed your imperfections
you had a huge hole in you
i was just ambitious enough to think i could sew it

they are your subjects
following you blindly
and raising no objects
yet you don’t treat them kindly

I’ve heard the things you say
and I’ve listened to the way you laugh
I’m sorry to drop your silver tray
but I’m done handing you this trash

no more will I feed you
no more will I dress you
no more will I enable you
no more will I sit beneath you

you may be their queen
but you’ll never be mine
bask in that pleasant dream
it’ll be over in no time