How can you be in love with someone,
in love with every part of them,
when you don't even love every part of yourself?

Everyone always asks for their guardian angels to do their best on us
Everyone always wants the best to happen for ourselves
Why do I want my guardian angel to let their guard down?
Why do I want my demons to consume me like once before?
My demons were my comfort zone before they were almost destroyed by the angels
But they weren't 100% destroyed

The girl in the mirror will always be a stranger to me
Whenever I see her, it is always mixed feelings
One day, I see her as pretty and confident
(which is a new sight for me to see)
Another day, I see her as someone that no one will ever want to take a double take at
She sometimes looks fat
She sometimes looks skinny
I can see all her physical flaws every time I look at her
Never will I know her

The hardest thing is not finding yourself
It is when you find yourself and you aren't happy

We all have our addictions, whether it's big or small, or good or bad
Growing up, she had her addiction to the normal things:toys, hugs,love
But teenage years came along as well as her hormones
Always hungry
Always eating
One fateful day, someone she loved told her she was fat
Just like that, she changed
Always hungry
Never Eating
Her new addictions: starving, losing weight, coming to love they way her bones spiked through her skin as if they wanted to jump out
We all have our addictions, where it's big or small, or good or bad

Everyone has a general feeling of their own mind
She did not quite understand exactly how her mind was like
Until she started writing down all her feelings
Writing them down felt like she was organizing her own thoughts
Like looking at each small picture and then taking a step back to see the bigger picture, and fully understand it
She finally understood how her mind was like now
Hers felt so much pain and sadness
So gloomy
It was a quiet rain storm
The only thing she heard in her head was the demons telling her:
"don't eat"
"you're not good enough"
"no matter how hard you try to be special and be someone for someone, it will never happen".

She sat on her bed staring out the window into the moon.
Slowly clenching the pill bottle as the memories of her new life started to play and replay in her head.
The tears came out, she was not strong enough to hold them in forever.
The fight to hold them back in their cage worked all day until the moment of pure solitary.
Everything that she avoided has been taking a toll on her.
This moment it felt as though everything crashed on her like bricks.
It all heavily crowded her, like the harsh gray ocean waves crashing on the spike rocks on the bottom of the cliff.
She tried so hard to be that person for everyone.
Be that person people can rely on, find comfort in, fill the empty voids of broken hearts, be that girl he can fall in love with.
She tried to be that person but no one noticed.
Sometimes we try to be the people that we really need.
She wasn't beautiful enough, wasn't strong enough, wasn't funny enough, wasn't good enough.
She wasn't enough.
It used to be how she isn't enough.
When the newly empty bottle fell to the floor along with her future, it is now how she wasn't enough.