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everyday i would receive these pretty things and i would not accept them because i always want the worst
im really sorry oh god i am. i really am. thank you so so so so so so much for everything that youve done and youve said. i am so sorry please dont feel bad, you are a wonderful person you really are. youre the nicest boy i have ever talked to. all the others are still idiots to me, youre not one of them.
I never saw it coming
When I didn't believe in pain
I never saw it coming
Because it hide behind my brain

I never saw it coming
When I practiced smiles in my mirror
I never saw it coming
When I felt inferior  

I never saw it coming
When I forgot to have friends
I never saw it coming
When I liked to think about ends

I never saw it coming
When I was self irritated  
I never saw it coming
When I self medicated

I never saw it coming
When I couldn't drown the lie
I never saw it coming
When I begged myself to die

I never saw it coming
Because I lied for a long time

I always saw it coming
I just really tried to hide
 Aug 2014 Shaima Al-Marzouqi
sc
She was alone.
A face in the crowd that not one person noticed.
She had no one, not even herself.
When she looked in the mirror, she had to turn away in shame.
how could anyone love me? she thought.
She hid her scars, her fears, and herself from everyone.
One night, she looked to the stars in search of an answer that never seemed to come.
She decided to give up on everything. Her hope, her dreams, herself...
And she let go.
I've got a loss of words,

I feel nothing but everything
and I'm not sure what it is

but nothing is quite right
but then again, nothing is quite wrong

I think I've lost my mind in the
thoughts of..

How can I be so blind?
Who am I again -
whats your name?
look at the stars, they shine so bright.

Get out of my head
I want to get out of my own head
please lets not do this

You're a beautiful boy, I love you
I hate you
who are you?
hold me close keep them away

I can't do this I want to die.
I feel nothing,
I want to feel.
This is what I was going through, A bad trip with my lover while we were on shrooms. It was the worse experience I've ever had. While on them, I was tempted to walk into the middle of the street of traffic because on shrooms, you cant feel pain. My head was gone I had temporary lost  myself.
searching for
a world beyond
the glass where
ceilings melt
into blue sky.

refusing to
surrender on
the outside
looking in.

shadows speak
of sacrifice like
work has never
failed and

dreams are not
an endless staircase
into hell.

© Ben Ditmars 2014
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