Why do I hope for love?
I've only ever known struggle.
Why do I try to sleep
When I know I'll just wake up in puddles..
Puddles of sweat,
Puddles of tears.
My past haunts my dreams,
I reach for love when I've only known fear.
Love is a fairy tail,
A story told to spark hope.
Now I'm left reaching in the dark,
Wanting to be held but I'll always be alone.
Its time to grow up,
Relationships don't work.
I'm stuck in a cycle,
And I will always hurt.
It's childish to make a wish.
It's stupid to believe.
When will my heart stop yearning
For childhood dreams.
You think you saved my life,
so I hope you won't feel hate
when you get that final phone call
and you learn it was too late.
You'll wish you had read the signs,
my scars, fresh cuts, and tears.
But my smile was too convincing,
I learned throughout the years.
Have you ever drowned before...?
Have you ever been scared that you might?
Have you felt the water wash over your face,
and watched as mid-day fades to night?
That is what depression feels like.
It starts with swimming too far out
and suddenly realizing you're caught in the waves.
But before you even begin to drown,
the panic settles in as you picture your grave.
You cry out for help,
and struggle for one deep breath,
but the waves are strong
and the water is deaf.
You start to reminisce
about all the memories shared
with the ones you love so much.
You realize that you're scared.
At this point as you're drowning,
all hope seems to have disappeared.
Now you await death alone,
thinking your conscious is clear.
But instead of deadly waves,
It's just you and a gun.
You think this is where the drowning ends,
but it's only just begun.
I can't tell the difference
between my laughter and my fear.
Everything blurs together
when I smile through the tears.
Despite the pain of yesterday,
I plaster a fake smile;
And though I'm good at hiding it,
My sanity remains on trial.
I lay in bed, missing you
and place my hand where you used to lay.
Without you here, I'm lost inside
my heart knows only pain.
There was a time where I would cry
and turn to use your shoulder.
But now I share you with the country,
because you are a soldier.
You may defend the greater good,
and always fight for what is right;
I will share you with the world,
but your heart is still mine.
Your words echo in my mind
and flow through my body at high tides.
"You will be safe, and we will be happy"
We kissed and you said goodbye to me.
For three months, we didn't see each other.
You became what my heart longed most for.
My letters to you were stained with tears,
three months felt like years.
Hidden emotions became magnified,
my love for you was stronger than I had realized.
We finally got to kiss just one more time,
before, again, we said goodbye.
I write to you to say goodbye.
This life is gone, no need to cry.
It's okay, you won't be missed;
whatever you're feeling will be dismissed.
We have no one to tell
except for ourselves,
what pain we've endured
behind closed doors.
I wish I could say it will be alright,
but I'm afraid this is our last fight.
I wish I could feel
with this empty heart.
In search for love,
I've torn it apart.
In these hands,
the colour leaks.
and in my soul
I hear death speak.
I don't feel special,
I'm not unique.
I want to cry
but I can't even speak.
My hands reach out,
but they cannot hold
a single thing
but the bitter cold.
I feel lost.
Even my tears
have turned to frost.
When I cut my waist
it bleeds black.
I'm so deeply gone
there's no way back.
This is goodbye
My heart leaks through my fingertips
and drips onto the page.
There is pain, hurt and there is despair,
I can't put on a pretty face.
When I was trapped in the ground,
he made it feel like I could fly.
But his love is different,
because it came with a price.
Soon I learned that flying...
An ugly truth hid behind a gorgeous lie.
We weren't indecomposable.
Black liquid flows from my eyes,
I remember when they were clear.
But when I look in the mirror,
the worst has come - I fear.
Though everything feels dead,
I am still alive.
My soul feels like it's burning.
This is what it means
to die inside.
There are mountains on my back,
and it hurts like hell to carry them.
I was supposed to only climb...
but I never really was one for climbing.
I wish that I could bring you back,
to that one point in time.
So that I could kiss your forehead
and tell you it'll all be fine.
To hold your hand in mine,
and wipe away your tears.
But when I reach out to find you,
All I can grasp is my deepest fear...
The fear that you're gone.
The kind of gone that you can't come back from.
I blame it on myself,
and drown it all in ***.
You would have been here
when I broke my own heart.
You wouldn't have done what I did,
you wouldn't have let me part.
I betrayed you.
And now I need you.
But all I have is your tombstone
and I fear my life has taken on a dark hue.
I want to touch your face,
be there for each other one last time.
Now all I can do is pace
and wish I was there to say goodbye.
What is depression?
It's not always so obvious.
It's staying up until 4 a.m
without a reason.
Depression is crying until your pillow is soaked
without really knowing why.
When your heart is hurting so bad,
you can FEEL the pain in your chest.
It's not always a knife
dragged on once pure skin.
Depression isn't the cut,
it's the darkness that hides within.
It's knowing that one day you'l be happy,
but not knowing if you'll get there in time
to save yourself
to save your mind.
Depression is hoping you'll be okay,
but not believing happiness is in your future.
It's wanting to cry out for help
but not knowing what you need help with.
It hides in anxiety,
and shows itself in smiles.
It'll lie to your face
and you'll believe it.
We all do.
I roll over in the mornings,
and your face is no longer there.
I reach out to touch what used to be,
but my fingers are greeted by empty air.
When I pull the blankets up,
there's a hint of your once lively cologne.
And now, when I'm cold at night,
I pull the comforter up to my nose, so I'm not alone.
Do you want to know how you broke my heart?
You played with it until it fell apart.
You took it in your hands,
and then you took it to your advantage.
When you were please or satisfied,
you'd leave it alone to die inside.
When you were angry or mad,
you threw it away with everything you had.
Our love was just a bunch of leases,
you folded my heart until I couldn't iron out the creases.
You make me feel like I deserve this abuse and pain,
but you know what? I still what to try again.
The beating of my heart thumps like a song,
It's broken and it's shattered,
but i know it's never wrong.
My words are heartbreak poured into letters;
the poems and stories leak like music,
sometimes violent and sometimes in patterns.
You may think because I left, I don't care.
But through moonlight sonatas to ripping earth quakes,
I'd love you anywhere.
You were hurting me in ways beyond just fighting.
Forget your words, just your mindset alone
rips through my body like blue lightning.
I hope we'll come back together anyway,
you're better than this and I know it.
I was brought up to know in any storm, to have faith.
I thought I'd finally clawed my way out
of the darkest reaches of my mind.
But as the cold suffocates me again,
I touch what I left behind.
My soul breaks and pours away,
it leaks from my fingers for everyone to see.
It escapes through my eyes, my hair, my chest;
and still, we all ignore how it bleeds.
How can I ask for help when I've been here before?
They've all seen me fall, watched when I cried.
How do I ask for someone to pull me out,
when it isn't even their fight?
I'm told to just keep going,
but I just don't know how to survive.
My heart burns away into a black hole,
Why even try if I've already died?
Where was the world when I needed it?
The help is long overdue.
If death is what they mean by it'll eventually be okay,
I guess what they say is true.
Your love is like a fresh breath of Spring,
it gives me energy and a will to live.
Your kiss falls as a leaf upon my lips in mid Autumn
and pours down into my heart like a waterfall.
Winter wraps itself around your eyes
and snowflakes dance in your soul.
Your skin is warm like the Summer sun,
and when you touch me, my love is reborn again and again.
The moon pulls us together and pushes away stress,
it moves an ocean of emotion through our veins.
You are a breath of Spring
with the kiss of Autumn,
decorated with frozen eyes and a careful soul,
blessed with warm skin
and an aura that pulls others in.
And because of all of this,
I am in love.
It's odd how bad we hurt each other,
but fight to keep it all together.
We're so in love, but you're full of hate.
Is it truly hard to predict this fate?
Will anger consume your gentle heart?
Will he cut away and tear us apart?
Or are you stronger than this and will you make us last?
Are we really deteriorating away so fast?
Show me where you're insecure,
I will kiss it where it bleeds.
Open up to me where it hurts
and let me tend to your needs.
I will talk to each of your voices,
I will know them each by name.
Once you've had a taste of my love,
you can never be the same.
When you see the demonic monsters
I will feed them all my food,
They deserve my love and care
because they are real to you.
I will not say it isn't real,
or scold you for what you can't control.
Melt into my open arms,
for it's your fears that I will hold.
pink and red
with some white too
fill up my body
till Im red and blue
they mar my skin
in all shades
my body has seen better days
pink and red
with some white too
they cover my skin
they will do
- Written By Emmaleah Shibley
I can feel it in my head
and hear its voice in my soul.
I wish I could **** its horrid face
and take back the happiness it stole.
It took my life and turned it dark,
showed me beauty in the depths of Hell.
I'm held prisoner by its hands.
It loves me through a prison cell.
Where I am most insecure,
his fingertips caress my skin.
When I whisper his name,
he responds with a kiss.
Where bruises and scars stain my flesh,
his love washes away the sin.
The memories that still hurt my soul
he brushes away with his lips.
Like beautiful cursive letters,
he draws lines of love on my body that heals
and he writes a scripture of lust
that only he can read, and only I can feel.
He kisses me twice
because I hate odd numbers.
He puts his hand on my leg when he drives
because my hand anxiously grips the handle above the door.
He holds my head to his chest
even though my fists beat against him.
He puts aside his problems
when I am hyperventilating.
And now he is gone.
He's someone else's.
Someone who doesn't care if one is an imperfect number,
someone who can smile in a car going 60 miles per hour,
someone who's anxiety doesn't resort to violence,
someone who can breath.
I miss him so much
I miss him so much that I lock the door once.
I drive my own car to the spot we used to park to relax.
I take deep breaths when my head is a mess to remember what it felt like to breath into his chest.
She doesn't know what it's like to need him.
I don't know what it's like to only want him.
He doesn't know what it's like to be free.
Here lies a shattered heart
that spills upon the ground.
Severed, smashed and torn apart
before I even heard the sound
of him crying out for just a breath
and suffocating beneath my thumb.
Our relationship reeked of death
and we'd both fallen completely numb.
Like a bird caught on a barbed wire fence,
apologies tear on the sharpest blades -
my words struggle with my tongue and catch
screams of brokenness and hate.
But I still love him.
And it still hurts.
It's as if every sin combined together
is nothing compared to this burn.
I know he's made mistakes,
I understand he isn't fair.
But he makes my sunken heart fly
when his fingers travel through my hair.
His lips are stained with broken hearts,
His soul is tainted with their tears.
I know it's wrong and it will hurt,
but my body wants him near.
It will be the last time I get hurt
It will be the last time I fall for a ****
I swear to never disrespect myself again
I promise to no more inflict my own pain
I swear I will hold my pride
I will stand it on my empty lies
that somewhere beneath these knotted ties
is a girl that truly relies
on herself for love.
She relies on tomorrow.
The sun writes me letters of love
with ink made of the purest gold.
Though I wish not to admit the truth,
it is my heart she gently holds.
My fingers yearn to caress her body,
her touch deteriorates my concrete walls.
Years on years I've protected myself,
yet at her sight, I embrace the fall.
My world trembles when she's not near,
and now it breaks apart.
She slipped through my fingertips
and burned away my heart.
The devil is a tempting man
when his fingers trace my skin.
I should have known from the start
there's a price to pay in sin.
But I can't stop when his lips touch mine,
it feels like a hellish fire.
Every touch, every bite
I am burning with desire.
I crave his touch and his taste
when he holds my body closer.
He's the player, I'm the game
*** is the controller.
The taste of his sinful lips linger,
as does his nails against my flesh.
I truly wonder to myself,
when did he make me his?
His breath is the theme in our poetry,
my moans are the words that bleed onto the page.
His fingers are the gentle, precise cursive
that unlocks lust from it's paper cage.
Every space between the lines
were kisses from my neck to thighs.
His literature is for only me,
and I will be his poetry.
Exhaustion torments my sluggish mind,
The bed seduces me to surrender my fight.
And with so much that I must leave behind,
It’s time I close my restless eyes.
The darkness that seduces -
has left you tempting fate.
You will dance into my life..
and you will suffocate.
You will become addicted
to the burn and to the sin.
You will lift your cup with mine
and unite our love with poison.
They say the eyes are the windows to the soul,
but your dark iris's and heart prove to be cold
and barren of love, or life, or hope.
I took the knife from your back with care.
With gentle touch, I stitched the tear
to reveal a secret unbelievably rare.
A smile broke on to your face,
leaving my heart to shatter and break.
For that split second my soul shall always ache.
In middle school everyone was so mean and sad,
walking around the hallways wearing nothing but black.
So many heads down and eyes staring at the ground,
some kids walked like ghosts and just never made a sound.
We wore black to remember the happiness we all once had,
But our depressions never mattered because kids in Africa had it bad;
We were dramatic because there's war in Iraq.
You called us ignorant because we weren't happy with what we have.
My best friend took his life one year after middle school,
kids were so damaged that they only knew how to be cruel.
He didn't hesitate to tie a simple knot,
But it's ok, because he's just ignorant and his hurting was "wrong."
Now a mother cries out every night,
a Father can do nothing but hold her tight
as they mourn because they will never forget the sight
of their baby grown up with a silent mouth and frozen eyes.
Open your hearts to my generations hurt,
join our funeral from years before.
Today we gather with hearts torn and skin scarred
to remember who we were and cherish now, who we are.
I tried to keep you in my heart,
but your death had made it stone.
Several times, I've called your name
but you're already gone.
My soul knows only loss and pain,
you have been my truest friend.
I finally bid adieu
to you, my happiness.
Our love is deep as Death,
I can feel it in every breath.
The pain, the hurt, the tears
I could die with you for years.
A single kiss from your lips
is something so poisonous.
I'd take your heart from your chest
if it didn't mean eternal death.
Bleed with me,
With no shelther.
Feeling so tortured
has never been better.
But at least
we'll be together.
Society is evil
And terribly hollow.
We are lost today
And forgotten tomorrow.
In a world of hate
and artificial love,
the most aware
see no savior above.
You cannot argue,
for I have seen
the deadly epitome
Slaves to Society
may hold us down;
but they will never
deafen our sound.
We have been broken
too many times;
so with tortured hearts,
forever we will fight.
Her love burns through his hollow bones,
setting fire to his emptied soul.
With a heart stronger than any stone,
she takes his hand and makes him whole.
— The End —