In desperation -
Here are some words
Written down
To get me through
The night.

Harsh stabs in my throat.
I let them slice through.
Your words cut me sometimes,
But I let them go for you.

I wonder why I always tiptoe,
Why I swallow my tongue,
Like I swallow food.
Why I abandon myself,
To enjoy the pleasures of you.

My worries are small,
Yet they eat me alive,
Paralyzing my thoughts
Until guilt takes root.
A slow, relentless bloom.
I have no reason to be upset
And still I can sense,
A dark cloud in my coffee,
Waiting to burst
And ruin the mood.

Joylessness, Loneliness -
Instilled in me from the moment,
My eyes opened to the world.
Unforgiving, Wounded,
I carried dead weight already.

While my parents gleamed
With unconditional,
Paradoxically absent love -
I let out the biggest cry.

I used to be able to hold the tides.
They bent to my will,
With absolute ease.
Now, they pull me under.
Deep down, I always knew -
Water would betray me.

With every glance in your direction,
A slow romantic melody plays in my head.
I feel as if I‘m floating,
Right above our bodies.
Warm and fuzzy -
My heart pulses to every high note.
My eyes blink for you.
And my hands,
Are only mine when they hold yours.
I let my hair down,
Like I let my walls down -
Gladly, for you.