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RedD  Oct 2018
headfuck
RedD Oct 2018
This, this, just ******* this
whatever the **** this is
In my head
Its running round in circles
Leading me a merry dance
stamping all over me
Cutting slices to my core
and i can't defend myself from the attacks
because there's nothing physical to push away
its noxious and suffocating
and maybe its just better if I let it take me down
but it surrounds and smothers me just the same
why can't I fight it
I'm so tired and ashamed that its stronger than me
whatever this headfuck is
a grown woman
I should be strong
not right now I'm not
but maybe tomorrow
but I know I'll get headfucked again at some point
and I'll be as defenseless as I always am
******* headfuck
just another anxiety attack to get through
7.10.18
princessv  Dec 2015
Headfuck
princessv Dec 2015
It's kind of a head **** honestly
How I can love and love and love
And not stop
No way, no how
No matter how bad you've hurt me
It's funny, actually
How "just the thought of you
Makes me stop before I begin" (Frank Sinatra)
And I feel better
Inevitably, I just do

But you also tear me down
I want to die, but I want to live
*I'm trying
You know I love frank Sinatra
The first song I sang you was L.O.V.E.
"I can't help falling in love with you" - Elvis
Kelsey Erin Feb 2014
Feb 6, 2014, 11:37 PM
i miss you and i dont know where you are or if you'll even get these i just really hope youre safe and that you know i love you

Feb 6, 2014, 11:39 PM
and i dont know i dont have anyone to talk to so i'll just write to you i hope you dont mind

Feb 6, 2014, 11:42 PM
the formal got rescheduled to next friday (valentines day, blech) and he texted my aunt and she was like "thats okay, that just means you'll have to take her out tomorrow" and i literally laid down on the floor

Feb 6, 2014, 11:45 PM
i miss you

Feb 7, 2014, 1:33 AM
why do people not care about things or other people i dont understand
i dont know
why do people ask questions if theyre not interested in the answer

Feb 7, 2014, 1:34 AM
i hope your night was okay, i really hope you're alright
i love you man, goodnight

Feb 7, 2014, 2:53 PM
so chris told rhea that the only reason he started dating her was so that he could make gabby jealous or something wow

Feb 7, 2014, 10:40 PM
we got chris in trouble i feel so bad and apparently his mom is an alcoholic and like god, i dont even know i just wanna pat him on the head you know

Feb 8, 2014, 3:21 AM
**** i really miss you i hope you come back soon

Feb 8, 2014, 3:34 AM
i think i dont believe in love anymore
like in the way that i can see other people loving something or being in love with someone and that's perfectly okay and i can LOVE people and things but not well enough and i cant be IN love with anyone and i just i dont know anymore i cant tell if im the headfuck or if everyone else is

Feb 8, 2014 3:44 AM
but i love you

Feb 8, 2014 3:44 AM
whether it's me or you or both of us that's a headfuck and even if i dont really know how to be a good friend to you

Feb 8, 2014, 3:46 AM
i love you

Feb 8, 2014, 3:47 AM
always

Feb 8, 2014, 3:48 AM*
i hope one day you're happy
real texts i've sent my best friend who lives on the otherside of the country and who recently tried to commit (i wrote about her, giggles, heartbreak and antifreeze) and i havent heard from her in a couple days since i made her go to the hospital and it kills me not being able to know how or where she is
EC Pollick  Apr 2013
Here I am.
EC Pollick Apr 2013
Here I am.
In all of my unveiled natural.
I am not a china doll
I am not a superstar
I am a ******* glorious headfuck.
And I make the lights brighter
And worlds bigger
And sounds louder.

I’m that high note
That few people can reach
I am that glory
They brag about from the battlefield
I am home
I am the adventure.
I’ve been higher than the highest mountain.
Brighter than the largest supernova
More graceful than the ******’ swan
Here I am.

I scare you
You want me
You hate me
You want to be me
You envy my entire existence
How I can so
Seemingly be
So ******* confident
Within my own skin
And know without a doubt
My purpose
On this earth
You all take that way
I take the way
You wish you would have gone.

Here I am.
Ignore me.
Love me.
Envy me.
Hate me.
I ain’t going nowhere.
Rob Sandman Oct 2017
This is a long one Ladies and Gents, so strap in!

IF you asked what the biggest evils are in this world,
any rational man,woman boy or girl,
would answer its things that bring us too much harm,
talkin bout Alcohol,Tobacco and - Firearms
forget about illegal drugs and mafia clans,
its time to focus in on the Government plans,
to cause mass confusion in the minds of the sheep,
keep us all in our pens,disoriented and weak,
only a danger to ourselves in this struggle of life,
its the subtlest cut from the surgeons knife,
that emasculates us wholesale,money for blood,
three opponents to the death in the war for good,
run by corporations with no frontiers,
profiteering on your misery,they're milking our tears,
legal taxable killers that shorten your life,
and not just YOUR life man,your children and wife,
and leave you with no fight in you to cause some strife,
for our overlords and rulers,in the neverending fight,
to bring truth to the truthless and sight to the blind,
its a high stakes gamble and the stake is your mind,
but the tables rigged,and the dealers a shark,
whos only happy when you're ignorant and kept in the dark
and fed **** like fungi,think you're fun guy?
cos when your dumb fat and happy then its easy to die,
24without reaching any truth,time to read between the lines-
and learn the truth about these ****** end times.

Alcohol Tobacco and Firearms

1.8 million people a year,
go straight from here to the valley of tears,
with the help of a bottle,its our friend alcohol!,
its a double hit,taking both your money and soul,
its like Futurama having suicide booths,
just have a few beers man,your troubles to soothe...
while it gnaws at your insides a rat in a cage,
like 1984 and the worlds a stage,
well its more like a circus,and guess who's the clown?
its a never ending pratfall like "falling down",
how many mornings can you wake up feeling like ****?
before we ALL decide that its time to quit,
and how come science hasnt found a way?
to render it less harmful in these amazing days?
simple,cause its perfect. - *Its doing its job

keeping billions of people in deadend jobs,
leaving social meetings with a dark undercurrent,
just look at any News Source,stories stay current,
about the constant madness and daily strife,
another drunken encounter that ends in lost lives,
and more zombies walking on our city streets,
looking for a confrontation,just someone to beat,
in 20% of interventions by Cops
the trouble would stop,if the bottle was dropped
so take the beer goggles off and start taking names,
of the companies we need to name and shame


cough,cough cough,its the daily song,
its the people nailing down their coffin too long

cigarettes cause cancer...and there I should stop
(sample penny dropping)
to let the penny drop...
in the first few seconds that this verse just took...
another poor dumb smoker just ran out of luck,
its an incredible figure for our global deaths,
that are pure homicides,people stealing your breath,
its like paying a murderer to stab you in the chest
when it comes to mindfucks man smoking's the best,
while tobacco company lobbyists still write checques,
their customers are choking in a haze of death,
govt. warning's man the ***** too late,
while you're staring at the package your eventual fate,
is slapping your eyeballs with a message of doom,
but you're still a ****** Addict and the profits just zoom,
the glory days of the deathgame until 94,
tobacco company tales for many years before,
using bogus science for a tissue of lies,
never giving two cents for the people who died,
testified to the senate man the God ****** Nerve!
when they die I think their souls will take a downward curve,
to an everlasting hell,their own sweet special doom,
to be greeted by a sign, welcome to the smoking room.
so drop the ash and stop dropping cash,
and start saving your life for a better re-hash

I've saved the best for last,you might be surprised,
when you hear me breaking down another tissue of lies,
you see guns don't **** people people do
disagree if you like,its still a universal truth,
you see to me a gun is only a tool,
it all depends on whether it is in the hands of a fool,
and guns save lives too another headfuck,
they also take them too in the hands of the rough,
I'm not thinking bout the crack dealer packing a glock,
I'm thinking of the group that sold him the lot
running drugs AND guns its the CIA!
all protected by the might of the USA!
dont believe me? just google it,its easy to find,
although the facts may not sit well in your mind,
its funny,maybe they should have used ray-guns?
then their actor president would have given MORE funds,
to the contra rary of the public story,
while the truth at the bottom is much more gory,
but its back to the future now the latest plans,
acted out in the future in a global land,
and its only the start of the endgame plan,
to take away the tools from the everyday man,
**so he cant cause trouble its machiavellian,
cos their plans for the future are so Orwellian
I told you it was a long read!
again as with most of my stuff it just fell out of me,
this will be put to music soon and I will link it here
So many stories, so much time
spent by humans who mull over
questions so sonderous, pour over
answers which fill us
with such feeling
our hearts' would burst.
So many constructs, so much memory
Happiness, or drugs; if it's not one
it's another. Been so busy dying
I forgot to get living.
There is beauty in chaos.
Looking back upon
those times, these memories, fondly
and appreciating why Skins doesn't age.
In memoriam of spent youth, lost moments
and truth.

"UR A GLORIOUS HEADFUCK THING. OWN IT"
Quote:
Line Seventeen from Franky Fitzgerald (Dakota Blue Richards) in Skins [S5E10].
J Nov 2021
people act like it's something to romanticize, yknow, being this way. "oh I'm sad" and then everyone suddenly cares, that's what people expect to happen, but see, the sad truth is "oh I'm sad" is usually returned with "well, just stop being sad," or "yeah, me too," or "why? nothing's even happening to you." see that's the ******' thing about depression. even if your day is wonderful, even if you spend the day laughing, when you're alone, or even right in the middle of laughing, you'll be nothing. or at least that's how it is for me. you know I try, I really do, I try for meds, and even with them, it feels like nothing is really working. I'll try with these ******* stupid *** techniques I'll find online, I'll try to get my **** together. and for a time, yknow, for a little bit it seems to actually work. but then the smallest thing goes wrong and I'm back in my hole of self-loathing. maybe death isn't the answer, but life doesn't seem to be it either. I'm constantly manic these days, but all that I can do is sit here and go off inside myself like a ticking bomb until I explode, tear myself open, and start all over again. i. feel. worthless. like I'm nothing, nothing but some spec on the infinite cosmos. and that doesn't bother me much, you know, thinking about how small I am compared to literally everything else.  I know how small I am, I'm finally okay with that, but feeling like this black hole? this is different. because not only am I small, I'm entirely forgotten. but it's not like there's much to remember about me, right?
J.
J was.. J was something, weren't they? If they weren't joking about everything, they were overthinking everything. Sure, J was sweet, but was J really anything we can remember? Do you remember much about J? Cause I sure don't. Let's see. J. J Novella Scott. 5'1, 135 pounds of pure mania and psychotic tendencies. 18 years old when they died, lost themselves to the battle with suicide, found with their blood seeping out of slits they made with the razorblades, aka their lovers. messy dark brown hair on top of hazel eyes, freckles in all the wrong places, eyes unmatched in symmetry. J was abnormally dull.
J.
J loved poetry, witchcraft, and art of all sorts, but they also had a crippling dependency on attention. Regardless of who it was from, they wanted it. A guy with an interest in ******* them, perfect, that's everything they could have wanted, forget anyone that only wanted to hold them in their arms and tell J that they were something incredible, **** all the past boyfriends and girlfriends that wanted J to see how great they were to them, oh yes, **** those that showed some ounce of humanity, because the truth is J just wanted to be used. They've been used all their life, this shouldn't have been anything new. To quote J, "we accept the love we think we deserve." Too bad J only accepted trash men who think with their second head. See, J, they were crazy. Not the crazy that would push a pillow to your face when you were sleeping, or at least they hadn't actually done it, just thought about it, no, J was the type of crazy to meet someone, read that person, discover what they truly wanted, and then J gave it to them. Wanted a **** for a pet? J was your them. Wanted someone to bash in and destroy mentally, J spreaded their metaphoric brain legs, and allowed the headfuck to begin. J was what we call a mirrorer, they can turn into whoever you want them to be just by reading you for mere seconds. They might not have acted like it, but they had a head on their shoulders, it just wasn't used properly.
J.
J was something new, yet not something good enough to be called special. They did normal things, and they did the abnormal. one of their favorite past times was rolling up their sleeves and carving the person who they loved the most's name in their arm. See, J got attached way too easily, and that was one of their many many many many flaws. And when they got attached, it wasn't for a month or a year, that sort of thing was eternal, whether they wanted it to be or not. J wasn't a great person, but they tried to be.
J.
J was nothing to muse at. their features weren't something to be described in a great love novel, they were basic in everything on the outside, and on the inside J was nothing but someone to be afraid of and afraid for. J would say they deserved this sort of death, something by their own hands. J wanted to go for years, and the thing is I'd bet they were just too much of a ***** to do it sooner. Maybe they were waiting for someone to come around and make them second guess it, or maybe they just wanted to be a thorn in the foot of the world for as long as they could. Whatever kept them here, it kept them for too long. See, J, as I've said before, wasn't very special, but somehow they did enough right in the world to make people actually like them, maybe even care for them, despite what J thinks. so in conclusion, J was ******, and J ruined everything they got involved with, may they rest knowing that in the end, they were right about everything that included themself.   J was something weren't they? Or maybe, know, the truth is, they weren't really anything.
J.
J?
J, they were nothing. and the world moves on.
Marie  Jul 2019
Untitled 2
Marie Jul 2019
Your eyes met hers after having traveled distant countries and having seen different shores

'do you know her?' friends ask.

And you recall her once taking you to a parking lot under the moon to listen to music in the car.
You think of the time she decided to walk you to the shops in the budding storm.

You think of how odd she was,
How you have always been intrigued by it,
How much you loved her.

But she is a headfuck
and you wanted to get away before you could get messed up.
Before SHE could mess you up.

'used to' you tell them.
Shelley Apr 2019
My baby is a headfuck
Is someone getting the best of you?
I tried so hard and got so far

And now the end is near
Turn around bright eyes
It’s time to say goodbye

I want to break free
It’s my life, it’s now or never
Take me, anywhere, far away, from here

Made a wrong turn once or twice
I’m hanging by a moment
There’s still tomorrow, hold on, hold on

With a rebel yell
Like a champagne supernova in the sky
It’s time to try defying gravity

And you can tell everybody
I’m moving on up
And you’re gonna hear me roar

I’m free as a bird
I believe in a thing called love
And I’m feeling good
J J  Jan 13
Addendum pt 2
J J Jan 13
(One) (Ican'thelpitifyoumightthinkiamodd ifItellyouI'mlovingyounotforwhatyouare butwhatyou'renot)
O
Melissa with eyes silvery like water when it starts to steam
Mellisa with your chealseacut that locks sunlight with its evry strand
Mellissa with your mausoleum ***** that cages birds that spin young confusion round our ears

Avuncular heathen teacher cardholder
With your gnostic stepchildren that bare you in their undeveloped wombs
And the scattered mouths that trace psalms from your footprints
   in the the snow before they're stolen by ice

And your dreams you stir and share in restless sleeps wanting only to live another day

Mellisa who prims lectricity to stone
Mellisa who cries for noone less you know theyd return
Mellisa with your lips of dried budded rose
And your Gishian whispers that weave flame outlined by a gold only cateyes can display
Mellisa with your cashmere skin that warms and rewards every touch granted
And your lost lovers left behind
And your hands like gloves over arthritic fingers frozen from the freezing outside
And your nicotine stains that overlap into a bruise  thick enough to peel
and mark your worshipless shrine
And your drunken boats that sail upwards from the waves that chain them down and rip upto the endless starry skies

With your pierced tongue you scrape your teeth with as you tic and sing

You know Id ****** kingsmen just to stay on the run with you a while longer

Melissa with your cheap scarves and blurry trench that too stays motionless as you walk

Melissa with your bleeding gums that could kiss the dead awake
Melissa with your seedless grief and puffy cheeks that hover distant from the rest of your face
And your catfish bellybutton that I cant help but crush

Melissa with your empty questions that ring answers as you wish to hear them
Melissa with your guns in evry pocket and boots sheathed and stained
And your methodist lungs which bleed ash as your clear your throat
And your cloak that wears all the skinny traumas inferno held in its windows

How could I ever have misplaced you?

Whence seasons lingered til you wore the elements from their shells
And drew armature cerise from the clouds into the stitching that holds together our palms
And your bloodmoon mason jar that you swivel like wine
And your veins that guide submission into something maniclike

O
Mellisa you prove evry love before you was a lie

Mellisa with your reliance on those you take care of
And your batwing leather jeans and dogpaw fingernails
that twiddle your permed fringe
And your sallow skin slowly flaking and shedding
And your blistered heart that beats my ears like drums
And your careless screams in public vicinities that begged to have us both locked up
I would travel the world just to collapse by your legs

O
With your wooden bedbug leg lashes that clasp as they wither dust

With your monotonous lilt you speak with and laugh with

With your vitiligod birthmarks that tattoo your flesh

And your jawline that twitches as your eyes have no choice but to seal

And your ribcage that falls loose against your sheets

I would break evry bone over again and again and gather evry malady just for your cool palm over my forehead

O Melissa you never have to doubt whether Ill love another

O Melissa with your back turnt to the mirror, I'd hold you forever and a day

If you'd still like me to this time tomorrow.

(Two) (Farewell, be safe evermore.)
I woke up with my head and teeth shaking, felt like I was gonna die
'til I smoked a cigarette to start my day

Phlegm built up like charcoal bricks, hits my chest
Bittersweet like the smell of the night-before's lover on bedsheets with their side now empty.

No heating and thus my coldsore is frostbit, and the other hex's they gifted me rest 'neath tired skin
With revenge long out of reach--
Further than the distance of a hundred dreams  in fact

I'm surprised I woke up at all.

I tend to repress my dreams when I can, I'm a broken chamber rattling death so loud I'm echoed and either ignored
    Or laughed at--

o lord haven't I had enough?
o lord I can't make miracles out of tragedy, o lord I cant keep up with the pain that preludes my every step, o lord without hope, however misguided, I'd go insane and never come back  nor want to o lord take me in my sleep

O there are some secrets lord I know only you and I can keep.
Bless the griefs locked and left only to memory.

Little babe lost you're so beautiful and ugly don't ever **** yourself.
even when other's turn you away so scared for it to ever happen they'd rather not talk to you at all  
Dont you ever **** yourself. live a little as we dont have much life to live and besides, I think you're doing fine

   and I can't wait to see you doing much better,
When you get the time to get better I'll be there to help you up
And dust off your shoulders any residue from the fall...
I mean you can **** yourself if you wish  babe
But you're going to have to **** me first to get the chance

You can use me if you want to, I'm quite used to it just as I'm used to breathing in the same air as the dead
The used  and users typically have the same goal, after all
It's such a headfuck to know the one you loved never believed in you in the end
I know, I know
o but lord knows I still do and I will for as long as you're breathing
And though the clock is merciless you do not need to mirror it in a response of anger,
No' any longer than you choose to let whatever's done and gone still linger
Some will help some will crisscross
I bare nothing no more now but the best for you.
And my little babe don't you ever take your own life,
life's a gamble and some tries will come up short but I can't bare to lose you anymore than I can lose the will to breathe; please just let me listen or atleast rest by your side and no' say a word.
L O V E

— The End —