Sigarette en sonskyn
Dagga en rooiwyn
Ek wil vergeet
Ek wil gelukkig wees
Ek wil lewe sonder vrees
Maar die wereld gaan dood
En Armoede verstik aan droe brood
Ek nodig sigarette en sonskyn
Ek is opsoek na goeie tye met dagga en rooiwyn
Die wereld maak seer, maar ons kan vergeet
En probeer gelukkig wees.
You flip your fingers through your ever shining locks and gracefully saunter through the halls
The heads turn as the masses gleefully greet and smile at the beauty of how your pieces are placed together oh so precisely
You held power, plenty of it
And I was in the way
It was strange to see the reactions on the faces of familiars when I told them of the crushing things you could accomplish.
None wanted to believe that such a beauty could hold such a bite.
And I tried to convince myself of that too.
Plentiful years have passed and all have moved on
Yet I stay stuck in these empty halls
Wondering why your bite took so long to become infected
Wondering what remedy could treat this ancient ailment.
Your eyes met hers after having traveled distant countries and having seen different shores
'do you know her?' friends ask.
And you recall her once taking you to a parking lot under the moon to listen to music in the car.
You think of the time she decided to walk you to the shops in the budding storm.
You think of how odd she was,
How you have always been intrigued by it,
How much you loved her.
But she is a headfuck
and you wanted to get away before you could get messed up.
Before SHE could mess you up.
'used to' you tell them.
'One spliff a day'
Everything has a balance.
there is a give and take in all we do
a little bit of this
a little bit of that
But we all have addictions
And balance is hard to achieve
The lady that goes running in the heat of the day
The man that pumps weights for hours on end
My friend who parties to forget
Me, when I'm thinking of you
Balance cannot exist here
Where people are hurting
And that is why I'm on the third smoke of the morning
And my friend wakes up hungover, but continues drinking
And the man aches, but pushes through to finally feel good
And the lady becomes lightheaded, yet runs faster.
Give a lot, get little.
As I sit and spread out what you spoke for the hundredth time,
I realize that I was not ready for this
For a once-off fling
And it's not the *** that ******* me over,
It's all the days spent laughing and listening to your stories,
Doing broke things and having unplanned sleep overs,
Watching movies while you play with my hair,
Having morning smokes and coffee while people-watching on the veranda.
I invested so much time
And I cared,
I still do
I've become used to you.
And I had hope
That you would eventually see me in the same light as I you,
That you would notice me in the way I notice every interesting detail about you.
But you wanted a fling
And I agreed.
And now I'm sad
Because I will probably wait for you to be ready
Knowing the time will never come.
And I cannot begin to fathom the ache I'll have when I have to see you with someone else, someone more interesting,
More open to new things.
And I'm angry that I told myself that, maybe just this once,
I should open myself up
And try to put myself out there despite the fear of getting hurt.
I am not ready to let you go,
But I need to protect myself
And I will mourn this loss
Because you are everything and so much more.
Once, you confidently exclaimed that you
That is why it hurt the most
when you told me of the regret you feel for letting me into your life.
And in the months I've come to know you,
I've learned to appreciate your dramatic eye rolls,
The way you carefully place yourself around the words you speak,
How your delicate fingers will try to fix all the broken things they glide past,
How you manage to fully embrace who you are, without fearing the consequences.
You are magical and I aspire to be as bold in everything I do.
I have become more aware of who I am,
I have tried to practice away my weaknesses, harder and harder.
I am grateful that I have met you in this piece of my life.
I just hope you stay a little longer and find what I have to offer.
I hope you stay and see how much you've made me want to fix myself.