Vengeful souls demand recognition
as the blood fills the cracks in our foundations
and our genetic code is the biggest cop out ever known
As the media sells out and buys into the latest solution
Predicament home grown
When the problems run deeper than the sewage
they run deeper than the refineries and plastic seas
Tho they all serve as an example of the lacking
The lack of a proficent economy
and if someone is capable of defaecating where they eat
Whose to say they care for whats on your plate?
More and more we see the collaspe socially in our race
So what I dont understand is the shock when a man
brings a pipe bomb with intent to displace
Everyone is afraid of the yellow flag of terrorism
yet neglect the true issues when it turns red
Neglecting the many motives of an internal suspicion
So next time you go to stomp your former man
To dehumanise and overwork him
Remember your local postal hand
and how even the sanest can be pushed over the edge

When I witness a child
being blown to shreds
by a smart bomb sent
by the superior race

How do I justify it?

What crime can I accuse it of
What ill fate can I blame it on
What scripture can I quote from
What politics is it guilty of

How do I dehumanise it
How do I make it impersonal
How do I wash my conscience of its blood
How do I prevent myself from asking...

Would I be indifferent if it was my child?

the empathy test

or as they say in psychiatry the cul de sac of theories -
someone selfless, comes in and doesn't speak
about himself, says he went back to his
country of birth and cared for
his grandmother for a month,
immediate discharge, immediate discharge,
hey who's the kid looking the part
of *hey presto, hmm?
me... the empathy shoreline,
no psychiatrist is trained in spotting it,
the narcissism of closed door
psychoanalysis fears empathy more
than the standard Oedipus,
never mind the deity of solipsism,
psychiatry isn't as revolutionary as
you might think...
i gave psychoanalysis a joke, me,
i wanted a game...
i liked backgammon more than chess,
no crown too dear for a loss of,
so i played about five psychiatrists,
none of them got the game,
they even invited students
to inspect me - that didn't help either,
well-read as i was i ended
treatment with the word façade -
i had read Kierkegaard, she asked me
where i drank, in a pub she asked?
oh no, no no, in Bower wood,
at night, i drank with ninja tactic of not
being spotted - i drank in the woods
half naked...
immediate discharge - ha ha ha aha ha!
i liked playing games with psychologists
and psychiatrists, they're fun buddies
of maturing children...
but they're hardly intelligent enough to
compromise on facts, they're like
soldiers in the first world war
trapped in the trenches of Belgium,
i'd pity them had they
not the respectable income
to see opera or go to a theatre...
but i can't, in all honesty pity them, i think they
have a limited telescope of literacy,
they simply can't see past Mars to see Jupiter...
exact what i testify, five to my count fooled,
one in a foreign tongue and in a different
profession distressed with words: 'how did he?!'
i don't need psychoanalysis
or the study of what's oxygen with
carbon as the former (asthma) and the latter
dyslexia - for whatever part enters me
i release a part of me - gaseous vowels and
solid consonants - indeed should you try to humanise
a science you will dehumanise elsewhere,
no pardon of the existential novel with
the practice of "existentialism" in english known
as psychiatry - with no pills will the words resound
approvingly - but indeed, why the sudden
discharge with diagnostics pivoting on psychosis?
a non-violent psychopath - the psychopathy nurtured
as a negation of the existence of soul, himself a god,
dully the expression of will...
                 i was hardly the inheritor of a post-colonial
ethnicity and yet they subjected me to "cures"
as if i was a post-colonial subject a zombie to nod
to multicultural values experimented with...
i was multicultural from the start...
i'm not ethnic english...
you want to turn me into a neurotic anglomann
not accepting the social experiment?!
you irish or something?
FALL!

Times long past
As is my youth
Were they truly better times
Than now?
In a lot of respects yes
Cleaner air, fresher food
A slower pace of life
True those days also had downsides
No convenience stores
Or late night shopping

Now in these modern days
A world of high-speed technology
Internet used for child ****
Used to dehumanise and radicalize
A time when text talk is the norm
When youth can rarely spell
Rarely write letters with ink and pen

And yet even with my old world views
I have embraced the modern ways
For they have opened a new universe
And so with poets of the world
I can now converse
And share with them a love of words

once the human struggle, and great words said, and great battles convened over trivial things - Helen laughed at a thousand ships, modern Helen launched a thousand alimony battles in the court and other divorce disputes, in those times when the body was in constant exertion great stories emerged, Hercules the brawl but not the brains, ended up a murderer of his own children; indeed when it was as it was, and not now as it is now, old sages threw at man all forms of flattery with words and sayings - but since now man can overpower certain paths of nature, he boasts, and if given but a little social status, a psychiatrist like Freud, a professor of philosophy like Bertrand Russell, give these men but a scrap of social status, educate them, give them a moment of attention and care and concern, unlike the constant pulverisation of pop stars, give them but a little, and they'll say the most demeaning things about their fellow men, because man has really travelled far, they but utter objective wisdom, atheistic wisdom, the "cool bits" on the rational social strata - but having categorised himself as a **** sapiens, man managed very little to justify it, some grand scientific categorisation of man has not changed his primeval ontology - even if adorning well tailored suits, top hats or bowler hats, cravats, perfumes or anything as such; so indeed, give such shadowy men a little social status, and they say the most obnoxious things imaginable, demeaning and disheartening, because they say: 'well, there's so many of us, we've successfully populated the world, conquered elephants and rhinos and tigers and lions and sharks, we can boast... but at the same time dehumanise our fellow forms, because we believe that the neanderthals are still roaming among us!' well, i do sort of believe that believing in the existence of an imaginary omni- etc. being does clog of the imagination a little bit, but such a belief system is fine by me, the imagination can be clogged up by such a being, but as long as the heart is endearing, i don't really mind.*

i never understood writing
a poem around a maxim
from philosophy, i guess
there's no point as such to gain
something from it, without
realising something counter
to it (in the least),
i'm more or a person that would
rather cite a book he's read
than take out the bare essentials,
say: a hammer without the nails,
each book a coffin -
man in the eternal venture kindred
of fire rather than paper,
the poem an unscratched match,
the poem a lump of cool coal,
a dynamite fuse not lit -
and since fire wrote such poems,
fire, an animation of skeletal
and muscular machinery -
and laid to rest, only another
of same constitution can only
ignite words that are nothing
but: an unscratched match,
a lump of cool coal, a dynamite
fuse not yet lit - only a reader;
i never understood writing around
and about someone else's maxim,
well i have, but that utterance was
my own.

China & USA
In the shadow of banal news,
Russia and spying on elections,
lurks a threat that can lead to
nuclear war and the long night
drops by drips our mine is being
prepared for a war and hatred
this because two giants are on
collision course as the plates of
the earth are shifting, a political
disaster for the sake of power.
We who do not want a new war
are drawn into fake propaganda
learning to dehumanise a people
a war without winners bar those
hiding in caves underground with
their gold and worthless money

The first thing we must do comrades is dehumanise those who have different ideas and solutions than we do.
After that our ******* and belief in our party will be all the easier to be accepted and assimilated in the peoples we aim to subject to our superior race.  
Yours A. ****.

ur Fa¢es a ma.sk
%√={}
to dehumanise
to inc€ntivi$e
y.our neighb.our
not
NnNot y.our friend
it cou/d be y0u
you OR us
u r us
w3 are the ¢0llect)-(ive
a Unit
reAdy And Able
to b€e counted
e¥es and 4our willing limbs
:checksum
a Pr0phet MachiNe
no 0ld man is anN island
No ma.sk has a Fa¢e

title: alphabets
body: soup brigades:
QWERTY
because not ABCDEF 502 bad gateway bypass

well, spring is here, somehow "finally": what a splendid winter
it was, i can't remember a winter like the one that
passed... toying with the role of steward at football stadiums...
even yesterday, i was the break guy...
i had about seven stewards under my supervision...
all of the seven got their 15 minute breaks: if not longer...
at least 3 got two breaks...
    the other guy on the opposite side of the stadium even
made a complaint: you shouldn't be giving them so much
leeway... oh **** me: i thought... here we go...
the hierarchy game... i actually don't mind...
              what is it with people who are put a tier above
others that they suddenly ego-trip?!
          can't we just get along?
                if i'm not complaining... why should someone
complain for me? point being... i noticed his side of
the stadium... how many breaks did he give? zilch... nada...
none... little ******* Latvian ******...
                  every 20 minutes or so i walked my stretch
of the stadium, knelt down... tapped each of the steward's
shoulder... you alright? obviously i was being extra nice
to the three girls i had on my watch...
the cerebral palsy guy was also taken care of proper...
sure... he looks like he's boxing drunk when walking...
but hey... what has that got to do with me?
god is cruel:
                   but me? at least i can be a gentleman;
but if god wasn't cruel? none of this could have come
about... it's a bit like me boxing myself when
fighting my shadow... taxi driver style...
but no mirrors this time... just my shadow...
that's the closest i come to an understanding...
gott und nichts...
   let's face it... the stretch of the imagination? from ******...
from the potential of discovering alcohol...
from all the animals... from the botanical enclosures...
what a stretch of the imagination:
beginning with nothing...
                oh yeah... even parasites... the stretch of
the imagination...
like today... i was given the task of cleaning the garden
patio... me... tyrant... well... these weeds have to go...
finding newly born snails... oh... so cute...
are they born with those shells? or do they find them?
post-fact fake-news reality is a bit like:
well i'm not going to be the next Aristotle...
i... actually don't want to know...
i want to be kept in a stasis of awe...
                            so the weeds are gone... some of them
even blooming white little tender flowers
in the cracks of the patio... such a shame...
but at least these hands are tender enough...
then onto the fern... broken in parts by the tirade
of the three winter storms grooming England...
i forget the names... but then...
ah... splendid... ripping out dead-end-things
off the three agapanthuses...
                       dead-end stalks... literally ripping them off...
leaving all the strong "culprits" in full bloom
green... month or two... i'll be waiting for
the flowers...
man... so paradoxical... he can be really cruel to nature
but... somehow contradict himself...
the Nazis didn't contradict themselves...
they just forgot to... be strict enough...
if they just went after... the mentally debilitated...
the physically disabled... and didn't focus on healthy
Hebrews... just saying... Darwinian Utopia...
a reflection of how nature works...
not how human politics works...
           hmm... cruel cruel: the very real world...
not that i sympathise...
   i can take care of this cerebral palsy guy...
no problem... but at the same time...
if someone weaker is going to boss me around?
you know... there's a glitch in my mind... a sort of...
glitch like a headache... the world is not organised like this...
not the natural world...
this made-up fantasy world of man... that's a sick layer
of fantasy over the natural order of things...
that's when i get... slightly bothered...
glitch... glitch... glitch... i get this head ****...
like a sort of a stutter... hold on... wait a minute...
you know i'm allowing you to play this hierarchical
game... because... i have other things to do?
stop with this hierarchical ego-tripping for a minute
and you'll find that i'm corporative...
             but stress your status... a bit... too much?
glitch... glitch... ******* hell... my neck and head are
twitching... something's not right...
but at least i know that with flowers...
clones... they'll grow right back up... i pull out the unhealthy,
dying bits and... hey presto!
the same flower like last year...
funny... if the Nazis followed Darwinism proper...
didn't have this Hebrew fetish that sort... ha ha...
oddly enough... sped up the reemergence of the state of Israel...
would the state of Israel have emerged
if the Holocaust didn't happen?
                2000+ years and counting...
is this, a conspiracy theory?
        you tell me... last time i heard... Eva Braun had Hebrew
genes... hell... if these thoughts are
"controversial"... then the whole "survival of the fittest"
ought to be controversial too... no?
man is a contradiction of nature...
      man is counter nature...
                         yeah, sure sure... let's pander to the weak...
until the point they think themselves all-too-powerful,
tyrannical, in their bureaucratic castles... of paper-thin walls...
let's see how the weak manage things...
so many days i think about an elephant head-butting
a hyena... dead... then mummifying it
by shoving its trunk up the hyena's ******* and draining
all the insides out... like it might be sniffing with a gurgle
a line of *******...
mind you: by some akin to M. M. the song: the gardener...
songs like that... when the rhythm guitar is completely
absent, except for accenting in the verse section...
and only becomes prominent in the chorus...
when the BASS is as important as the drums...
it's like the reinvention of jazz, via rock...
that's when i feel that my heart has a beat...
mind you...
   so rare... when a ******* messages you in the middle
of the night... sends you three photographs
of herself from the past... and you send her...
some art...
the messages run along the lines...
   wait... aren't you getting enough ***? why are you
asking me to come over? oh... right...
finally... someone managed to realise
i'm good enough...
   - She: where are you
              come to me 1 hours
        what do you say
- Me: where am i? i'm at home, about to go to sleep...
- She: how did you shoot and sleep? ah i wanted
you to come to me to make me happy too
- Me: i can't come to you in one hours...
  i just did a shift and i'm fatigued...
    Brian Eno Prophecy Theme... plenty...
   you mentioned something about a free Sunday....
i don't mind if it's a fake / an excuse... i like horror...
i don't dream, therefore... anything unusual...
that might keep awake? a disguised blessing!
- She: yes bad you no call me for tell me when you
want...
- Me: if it was as simple as spending money...
  but it never was, really, nything to do about... spending
money... it was more about: who could fake it
more? the buyer... or the seller?
- Me: i first need to know what i want... you mentioned...
interacting outside the confines of the brothel...
but hey... i'm used to daydreaming.
- Me: Oh Khedra, i was really tried last night...
did a shift at the London Stadium, i was in no mood for ***...
remember last time i came over (after a shift)
and had no stamina, was sweating all over you,
now that i reread my (last) message: fatigue...
i was talking nonsense... then again...
there's something built into my psyche that's always
going to be suspicious when it comes to a woman
not being pleasured... i don't like having *** when
i feel that i'm the only person in the interaction...
it wasn't going to work last night, i need to have a routine
where i build up my stamina and want...
i just can't switch it on like i'm some disposable
Duracell bunny *****... i need to be in a mood:
i need to be longing... yesterday i truly wasn't...

sure... she wants me to come over... to earn? or to ****?
perhaps one and the same...
but i'm tired... i'm not in the mood...
would i have to dehumanise myself: pop an *******
pill and just: plough the field of ****?
i don't think that's how it works...
a woman doesn't just get to press a button...
and: hey presto! there's that walking *****!
i'm sort of happy with the project: once a month...
after i get paid...
too much regular ******* is sort of boring...
i can almost see it as boring...
  you get bored of kosher ******* that you have
to start peeping into the dimension of kinks
and queer-****...
             i take too much pleasure from taking
a **** to have to explore having to perform **** ***...
restraint... and then... release...
   oh sure... she tells me to come over...
i would have... if it was for free...
but paying for being dissatisfied is not an option...
if she said... i'm not at work... come to this address...
well... counter to my tiredness...
i would have made the effort...
   ah... the splendour of a transactional transparency...
no qualms over dates...
      whatever the dictates of western culture are...
or for that matter... any culture...
i'm sort of out of the "game"...
                 i always wanted to be a monk...
                                     well... a monk with an access
to a brothel like the Teutonic Knights of Marienburg...
who had... a brothel... in that ******* citadel...
i get to **** when i want...
not when she's ***** on a whim.

p.s. mind you... you know that mistletoe...
that's a botanical parasite...
i once told Jeminah... imagine kissing under it...
when i think of cancer...
i think of trees with mistletoe...
well... it is... mistletoe is a parasitical plant...
you can best see it in bulbs... during winter...
as a parasite it has to be an evergreen plant...
so... while all its host trees are shaven clean
right down to the skeletal x-ray of branch...
the mistletoe is bulging in growth...

well, it was going to be a beautiful day, and it is a beautiful day, scorched grass patches, humidity to match that of Thailand... welcome to the Hot Age... well there was the Ice Age, no? there was Moses poetically summarising pre-history with: Noah was very real... more real than Britney Spears... history more real than insomniac journalism, fake history omni-present god replacing medium of writing ******* after ******* after more: swinging *******... but there's a plus side to this heat: angry-thinking... Freud can *******... what dream-interpretation? i have no dreams: and if i have dreams they're so already abstract that i don't need some coke-head to figure them out for me... i sometimes dream in sounds... maybe i should have been the next ******* Mozart! no! i don't have repressed-memories... i don't have repressive-memories: i have OPPRESSIVE-memories... i remember nuggets of gold from the time i was 4 years old... i guess i better leave some notes as i write and come back to them:

- sceptics vs. cynics Ezra Pound Taoist me vs. sceptics  (passion),
source of inspiration for this type of writing? Gombrowicz's Kronos...

i take out an imaginary leash and put it around my tongue:
hey presto! i'm walking a dog...
usually i walk a bottle of cider in the labyrinth
of outer-London suburbia...
i'm glad to be be 30 minutes away from Liverpool St.
by bus and train and 30 minutes' worth of walking
uphill to the biggest collection of...
well... "collection": an avenue of Wellingtonias...
Giant Redwoods (prehistoric pillars) -
        'which is one of only two plantations in the country'...
looks like i'm becoming a local boy...
i think i'm coupled with a gravity that's linear...
i'm less a falling body attached to some molten
iron core of the earth...
when again: what's up? what's down?
what's east and what's north outside the realm
of the winds, in the great divide between nature
and physics in the pupil of yawn-and-death-eating space?
no need to romance the man... someone's toilet paper
is already in pretend-mode of flapping...
so many myths of the moon died with:
one small step... another leap for... man and kangaroo...
i adore the laziness of sloths, turtles,
pandas... and koalas...
but then again: i don't think a lion is the king
of the natural world... i think the bear is...
that bulge of an omnivore... i like Russian thinking
when it comes to choosing emblems...
i like bears... i have this memory of being in the Danzig
zoo... walking into a bear enclosure...
mommy bear was watching... my mother was watching...
i walked up to a bear...
a baby bear, i was a baby too...
he started to nibble on my cardigan...
he must have bitten off about two buttons...
i ran back crying to my mum: he ate two of my buttons!
now i know: why i don't dream...
my memory faculty stretches far beyond what
most people have...
i think that's a welcome curiosity to have...
by the dictates of psychology:
you either remember... or? you dream...
i don't dream... i remember...
i can take you back to the first flashes
of brilliance aged 4... i can take you back to:
aged 5 or 6... when me and the two Kowalski brothers
first tasted coffee: granulated: instant...
obviously: we just became bored of sugary drinks...
that was a ******* gateway drug... back then...
why don't i dream? or why do i dream in
ciphers?
               ah... the memory bank...
i didn't allow pedagogy completely ruin me...
no wonder i treat the current job as a... hobby...
it truly is... crowd safety management is a hobby...
i like organising people:
one woman under my supervision already said:
you're the sort of person one would walk into
a fire for...
        i'm *******: gagging on these compliments...
i don't even think i'm deserving them:
if i am? so be it... if i'm not:
i can sniff a liar pretty quickly...
liars / lies don't walk on stilts...
       they re ******* midgets...
                         i sometimes like seeing myself in full element:
it will be: the most trivial thing that will
set me off...
   my nickname(s) in high-school?
Goldilocks (because i had long hair done into
a French braid from time to time)
Hulk: when i showed my truer face and...
   "that guy with the weird fruit"...
i did eat a lot of passion fruits, pomegranates,
Sharon(s)... etc. etc.
hmm... i'm pretty sure i wasn't supposed to work
the 20th at Fulham...
guess i'm just forever freely available these days...
people can just put me up for any shift without
me complaining:
no wife, no kids... ms. amber and Sophia...
fair enough... mind you: i like the commute...
and seeing the Thames is rather refreshing...
the weirdest river known to man...
mind you: it is an island river...
what ******* river as concept of river of flow
has TIDE written all over it?!
rivers flow... rivers shouldn't behave like seas!
how does that work?
the membrane "event horizon" of the Thames...
and... the north sea?!
huh?!

i sometimes hate London...
back in Edinburgh i used to wake up with a geographical
clarity...
the Firth of Forth helped a lot...
i knew where east was... i knew where north was...
and west and the south...
in London? even if i cycle toward that old Serpent
and Father Thames: i still don't ******* know:
i look across the river: oh right... that's north...
no! that's south you dim-whit!
ugh... i once saw London from an aerial perspective:
flying from Barcelona to Edinburgh...
so we were passing this massive lit-BLOB...
what the **** is this? i thought...
then i noticed Canary Wharf blinking... oh... right...
London!

oh mate... iT IS M'AH... MASSIVE!
it must have taken us abut five minutes to fly over that
giant sponge of civilisation... well:
paying due compliments... but it was HUGE!
it's worth seeing once: during the night...
but only once...
the rest of the time?

i must have mentioned it prior:
bicycle tyre problems...
Chadwell Heath the point of call...
the Halford's corporation couldn't **** me
a pigeon out of a penguin's *******
because: their mechanic was away until the end of
August: Bicycle King instead: done by Friday...
in the meantime i went for a pint of Guinness...

weird... you smile at a guy talking about women
on some other table... you're not weird...
you're just making an approach...
casual conversation *******...
hey presto... you acknowledge each other's presence...
and the chat takes off...
work, music, the weather... you name it...
whatever comes to mind...
it was so refreshing... it almost felt like being
soldiers on the western front: in the trenches...
breaking ***** and marking banter
on our crippled souls...
we probably had loving mothers...
but our experiences with women were:
let's just say cats and dogs loved us more...
we could actually joke with these creatures...

i said i brought a leash for my tongue...
i didn't say i brought the muzzle...
my tongue my dog
mea lingua mea canis!
              paro dictata:
i set the rules!
                                 n'est ce pas?!

there's nothing necessary to inquire for feeble men:
beside... what is necessary for what it
feeble per se...

now: for a sample of Gombrowicz's Kronos
note-taking, extravaganza!

chadwell heath pub promenade
bbq amazing...
missing: doing a refill, smoking a cigarette.
ginger brat: shivers:
      Ovid, book III, opening...
three unusual muses...
reading: music... ****** lyricism...

- and if i dream? strange... i only seem to dream of:
dentes: teeth!
there was this myth concerning my maternal
great-grandfather... how he had pristine
teeth... he used to eat sugar cubes like
a horse might eat apples...
he was the one who dumped a whole load of coffee
beans into the river: Kamienna...
the Stone River...
NN...an oddity in the ****** tongue...
you utter the double N with  stutter...
n'ah n'ah...
                   there ought to be a letter for this
example... oddity...
it can't just be a double N...

                       that's not for me to discover
or apply... but he basically dumped sacks of coffee
beans into the river... long before anyone
in the Slavic lands... on the periphery of civilisation
knew what coffee was used for...
Francis was his name...
he's my earliest memory...
maybe that's why i have dream inhibitions...
my long surviving memory is of him:
as shadow...
playing the piano...
putting me next to a toy piano
and the pair of us playing...

i have grown into a horrid man...
i'm currently listening to:
the Davy Jones' theme from pirates of
the Caribbean... and...
it's not that i'm afraid of death
or falling asleep: i just think the two
are a proper waste of time...
if i can remember living from the age of four:
why would i require a need to dream?
my memory has bypassed all that erosion
from pedagogic investments into creating
a workforce...
i don't need escapism via dreams...
i have my memory for that!

one crescendo two crescendo three!
four crescendo five crescendo six!

America spews forward *******...
i'm not ally to this current agenda... you know what
i think? i think the Russians are doing
a ****** marvelous "thing" in Ukraine...
much better than Americans in either Iraq
or Afghanistan.... much better:
less a proxy war: more a practical war:
a chess-war... a war of: consequences!

ha ha... the meme that somehow the Africans are
Orcs... the warring types...
the Mongols weren't?
oh sure sure... the English etymological roots
of Slav = Slav(e)... sure... sure...
this is my pet peeve!
my iris and sclera disappear whenever i see someone
make that statement...
i go: ha ha! BONKERS!
what African people ever conquered whatever
part of the world except their own people
which they sold into slavery?!
see! BONKERS!
i go... absolutely ******* gloriously MAD!

i've ben given absolutely:
diagnosed: mad... let me abuse the terminology / diagnosis
a little! because?! ha ha! i'm exempt from
standard prosecution! i can always succumb
to the insanity plea!
i have back-up memorandum queues...
these normal people are just: these normal people...
boorish and above all boring as ****-goes-on-holiday...

i know why i don't dream...
photographs are useless...
me taking a a photograph when i was at most lowest,
fattest? when i took the photograph:
i looked rather thin...
but? when someone else took a photograph
of me sitting in front of a Christmas dinner:
a ******* porky pie...
i don't know how cameras work:
obscurity of the eye of the beholder...
fused with the technicality of the added
technological specimen... hmm...
curiously more curious...

           i know why i don't dream: i have a very poignant
memory in my brain:
the memory of my great-grandfather as a shadow...
here: i place my focus for entering Tartarus...
beyond the already familiar depths of Hades...
i need more! i need to go deeper...
i don't dream because i have a memory of my
great-grandfather as a shadow!
darkness abounds!

                abundo tenebris!
umbra *** umbra venio hic...
(shadow with shadow come here):
i see no need for Sabbaths or for witches...
i need shadows and shadows of shadows...
and thoughts as splinters and trees as fire and ash...
i need! HORROR!
   i need the current people to live their lives
as passively as must be met:
while i quietly pass... pass as the angel of death passed
as the final plague that befell Egypt!
listen! listen! ever so... quietly!
i need them lullabied... oblivious to the SUFLER:
speaking cues to the actors on stage!
LET, ME, PASS!

                some ******* idiot will get in my way?
i will... sacrifice a lamb: and salvage a wasp!

- it was at work at the Wembley Stadium that i first
spotted a doe (female deer) embodied by a woman,
it's so rare to find that LOOK: deer in headlights...
frightened stiff about to be taken for grass by a lawnmower...
mature woman... i'm guessing in her 40s...
all the sort of details a boy would expect from
a ****... seriously... curves, *******, ***...
although: scared eyes, perhaps even scarred eyes...
i kept glancing under my sunglasses,
she kept glancing: irritated somewhat: irritated-fearful,
as if she met destiny and it wasn't what she
was expecting...
            what a beautifully bountiful specimen of
fetishes i've been fed over the years in the medium
of *******...
sure, it's summer now, and all the young and fertile
women are walking around the streets like
its a nudist beach in the French Riviera...
oh man: such under-developed bodies...
bodies that are yet to experience the crunch of ***...

i try to think about how pedophiles think...
then i get the picture...
scrambled eggs... i like they almost burnt...
i hate well-done overcooked beef in the form of a stake...
i need it rare or medium, **** it... even blue will do...
eggs? i can't have them underdone...
i know people who like runny scrambled eggs...
you can eat undercooked beef and pork:
but undercooked chicken? it's slimy...
it's like eating slugs... plus the salmonella...
plus... it feels like raw sea-food...
that's how i look at women who have not arrived
at any ****** potential...
it's ******* ****-ugly... builder-Bob's hairy *** crack
when his blue jeans droop...

young women are like undercooked chicken...
mature women are like rare beef...
BLOOD... JUICE... NO ORANGES...
     it's filth it's suckling it's the monstrosity of coming
to her **** after she just spent a year or so
feeding some rugrat with her *******...
it's macabre, it's... nature...
it's ******* a woman like that thinking:
ooh oops... when will she turn into a Mantis?!
it's like having a bicycle accident... falling head first
over the handlebars and leaving permanent
"tattoos" on your forehead... getting up and exclaiming...
i just saw Francis Bacon paint a **** while ****!
ffff-ucking spectacular! i don't need to ingest
any lysergic acid... i'm good with the head-traumas...
disorientating at first: but orientating after...

more life, more blood, more grime more filth!
more more! MORE!
mind you, is that 'e" at the end of more really necessary?
you don't really say: aMorÉ... do you?
it's not more vs. moor... ooh... i just thirst for fiddly
bits in language... and English?
it's the devil's playground... if Poland is god's
equivalent...
you know... it took **** Germany AND Soviet
Russia to subdue Poland... longer...
than it took **** Germany to subdue France...

oh to hell with the current exported trend of culture
from H'america: white apologetics...
i don't share your history: i've been woken up
from a trinity-partition... i'm not apologising
for ****!
   i think i'd look great in an SS-mensch uniform...
i like black from time to time...
i have thoughts of Karl Lagerfeld's style...
just pretend you're donning fur...
the cat isn't clothed... you're right: #metoo!
i'll done and adore the colours of the hearth...
i'll burn bright in auburn...
in browns and in greens...
    i'll become a... ******* talking tree!

enough!
         too many idiots are running this ****-show...
grammar lessons from people with an IQ of 60...
i'm checking out!
  bye bye...
  inflated overbearing baron-demons of want...
how easily they allowed me to dehumanise them...
i look at black flies and think: ooh!
just the right sort of tickle!
   people have created people like me...

how i can simply have casual *** with prostitutes
without using a ****** and not worry
about any STGs...
sexually transmitted diseases...
i probably drank enough milk in my youth...
broken bones? nope...
but outgrowths of bone? yep...
that's true... i have one on my shin...
hardly a ballerina in me bewildered by a tutu...
i don't break bones:
i leave outgrowths...

hmm... time for a new meditation...
the serpents can be left alone...
two serpents in a pickling jar? a DNA helix...
or... dragons?! fire...
the great meteor when the moon failed
to protect the earth... fire breathing
giant lizards... dinosaurs...
that, meditation: is over...
time to turn to insects... hmm... flies...
wasps...
i like that... the way wasps are born:
pure Darwinism:
insect and parasite combined...
                the larva is shoved into an unsuspecting
body of a worm...
the larva is born and starts...
eating the worm from the inside: out...
imitation cuckoo bird...
sort of the same principle...

                 has Darwinism been truly applied?
has it?! has it?! i call an obstacle i find in man
either: THING... or the OTHER...
ha ha... pronouns... ha ha... ah ha ha... pronouns...
yeah: these people have one:
IT...
                 i'm just a theological mercenary...
either the descent of god or the ascendance of the devil:
the wind blows in all four geographical vectors...
as a ****** they could have sold me Protestantism,
Catholicism, Communism... ******... blah blah...
this... woke little **** of: thank you: but i rather sleep,
is... supposed to what?! make me quake in my boots!
hold hold... let me just twinkle my toes...
do i have... socks on my feet? wait wait...
mmm... furry-toes... yeah: i have socks on...

being the massive fan of both the Red Hot Chilli Pappers
and William Burroughs:
hell only knows where these idle hands will
travel...
i love my bedroom in the night with no lights
on... insatiable: the drummer-instinct in me...
i can't help grooving to EASILY
and AROUND THE WORLD...
hands joined to the torso...
hands attached to hands... no saucepans...
**** it... thighs knees and the head will simply do...
i need to chase after my heartbeat...
out-chase it...

but in the darkness by the silver milk of the moon's
rays... my naked body impressed against the backdrop
of constellations...
Azog the Pale Orc and his Warg Matriarch...
well... mine is ginger and he's no matriarch...
he's a castrated ginger Maine ****...
yes... let's get carried away...
                because the comparison of Africans as Orcs
is a disrespected for me...
the English knowledge of etymology
of Slav = Slav(e) is also slightly off...

just like Billy Joel sang while sifting through sand
to find bones and rocks:
just like the post-Soviets in Ukraine
and H'americans in Iraq and Afghanistan...
what African people conquered any "polite" plot
of land outside of Africa? who?! the "Orcs"?
who are the slaves?
who's anyone, mind you?

Shaolin monk style questing:
i abhor the sceptics... i have this inherent hatred for
the sceptics like Ezra Pound abhorred the Taoists...
i can't: stand their... adamant... pride...
their neglect of being humbled...
how do you learn the concept of humbling?
by being humbled...
and how do you counter the concept of humbling?
upon being humbled:
you transcend and do not: humble...
whenever i was made a makeshift supervisor...
i didn't humble people...
i was caretaker...
because just don't get the whole idea...
they have partial clues regarding the idea of
the function...
today i caught a green-bell fly with my index and
thumb... i took a photograph of my "adventure":
as you do...
because it wasn't me stretching easily melting cheese...
so i guess that's a plus...

i hate scepticism...
you ******* don't know the basic principles of
1 + 1 = 2... CAUSALITY...
seriously? the fire that erupted in that tiny village
of Wennigton was like...
CAUSE + EFFECT = CAUSALIY...
so... i blow up a balloon up with my breath?
carbon dioxide... the balloon will sink...
i inflate it with helium, what? the balloon rises...

what's the impact i have by cycling to where
i need to go? no impact...
well... some extra traffic...
i might overheat my rubber, no?
but in terms of fuel? yes... carbohydrates
in my body... i need to peddle...
what am i burning? my own momentum...
i'm not burning any dinosaur fuel or gas...
i'm mobile... more mobile that people
who overuse their mobile phones...
there was a point: once upon a time:
for telephones to be left stationary...

  i abhor the sceptics: they're like the worst bad joke bad
jokers...
the canine cynics i can understand:
i can understand their cynicism:
fear the dog that fears its owner...
we're currently the dogs in fear of their own
fate: our owner...

i have oppressive memories...
that's why i don't dream... what interpretation
could Freud give:
and all that pedagogic erosioin fron learning
"skills": what skills? that would envision me
as having traction in the workforce?
zilch! nada! nothing! i just think of those poor
people who have recurrent dreams...
poor *******: how can you become so *******
as to have recurrent dreams?
70cl of whiskey won't help?
waking up at 8am the next day...
anxious out of both brain and freeze won't help?
not sure whether vomiting or taking a ****
will ease your burden, that confusion
won't help?!
**** me...
                   **** it... jump off a cliff...
paying close attention to the sunset...
maybe that might help...
                  i can't help you luvvy dubby... teddy...
please don't try to hug me...
i've seen how that works in the workforce...
one bubbly gal... all purple hai with
a hiding twitch in her hair...
   hugs me...
i just misheard a word she uttered...
she said darling: i thought she said daddy...
every since it has become a *******
schtick!
                 ugh... it's like... my ******* *******
tuching glue...
would i like erecticle dysfunction? yes please...
so i'm greeting this big girl with a hug...
the one i'm more interested in...
she's ginger: i have a ginger-fetish...
i think of her as: MOUSE...
anyway...

      let's get the party people pout and get them
the **** out of the way...
i will not describe to them that i have...
an inkling into right-wing politics...
i'm a fascistic nut...
   blah blah...
                    i get the purple-haired frogs out
of the way... by? hugging them...
i get onto the mouse... ooh... the dynamic changes...
i can't hug her...
the purple haired lesbian-fatso wants hugs:
i give her hugs...
but the mouse is special...
she's ginger...
             i love gingers...

i address her with a hand... extended...
she's not a man... therefore? she doesn't perform a handshake...
she.... hmm...
i'm a daddy... about to give my daughter
an ice-cream cone...
  she grips my fingers in the wrong way
that hands out to meet upon greeting...
she grips my fingers... on the wrong side...
i feel: oddly... left-handed...

i thank god and the democracy of satans
for the simple fact that:
none of these people will ever care to wonder
where i spend some of my nights...
ha ha...
oh please... ***** please...
i spend them with prostitutes...
you think i'm that quick to quiver?!
seriously?
i love a game of cards more than i enjoy a game
of chess: after all: it's one game after another...

games... games...
i used to be a big gamer in my early teenage-hood...
i couldn't be separated from my PS1 console
during the weekend...
i begged for a PS2... didn't get one...
i guess gaming caught up to me...

the gaming experience coupled with the internet...
ah... mind-mining...
teaming up... war robot games...
my thrill has finally come...
war robots... mech arena...
better still... the agenda of credit...
me? it's free, isn't it? well then...
but you manage to spot the people who invest
money in something:
they're usually skill-less: not exactly team-players...
esp. when it come to a game that
focuses on two objectives...
winning or losing is just a byproduct...
(a) gaining authority over control points
(b) destroying all the opposite side's mechs...
time frame? 10 minutes in war robots...
5 minutes in mech arena...
plenty of time to contemplate taking a ****...
mind you: either i dilate my ****
and ease out a **** by jerking off to a pair of ****
or i play an interactive game...
on the throne of thrones...
i could be wearing a crown of: dust...
and it would still matter... whether the plumbing works:
or doesn't...

i seriously had to wait for gaming to catch up with
my desired DIET of gaming...
i had to wait for the internet to evolve...
i required an arena... a lottery of... value...
competent players versus incompetent players...
players willing to hone in on their skills for free...
and players... lazy enough to invest money
that is otherwise unnecessarily invested in a game...

i'm coming back to gaming...
i can du soku... ****... su doku  by myself...
what need for crossword puzzles when you're already
a crossword puzzle of bilingualism?
sure... i have polyglot interests...
the concept of RENDAKU springs to mind...
as expressed in ORIGAMI:
                        g = k.... TOE-MAY-TOES...
T'OH-M'AH-TOES...
  
        hey! the people of the never-setting sun!
you're not much different, n'est ce pas?!
but there's a more obvious RENDAKU...
theta phi V...
alTHough... THought... and...
             PH = TH = F...
    but "F" = V... via TH...
                   the Fe? or the V'eh in THE point?!
i'll bring this tower of Babel to crumble before
my toes and then, and then:
i'll kneel among the rubble!
too much of Hell's ambitions have been sung by men
for Hell to simply: wallow in Heaven's tyranny
of absence!
                    we're here...
whoever we are: it doesn't matter...
                       one variant attired to another...
we're mechanisations to counter the absence of human
spirit...
we're the *****-slapping crew...
i pray to god that i'm not alone in my ambitions...
not that i pray...

this posting will have to wait...
i have a shift at Wembley tomorrow...
Coldplay... it's not like i hate them: i just don't love them...
it will be a dross...
but this posting will have to wait... i might have
to stop over at the brothel to ease my brain from
having ownership of a head...
i'll think about it...
depends on... a number of factors...

for the time being... mosquitos... caught... donning
donning boxing gloves... by the *******...
or... flies... catching them by the legs...
with naked fingers...
ooh... i love those pristine *******...
the green-bells... fertile *******...
they **** more maggots than they eat...
black flies are priests...
i like the tickling sensation insects leave
on a naked body... esp. when they don't deposit any
embryos... of their own...
**** me: wasps and my eye...
i would: most probably: punch myself to death if that
ever happened...
ergo? there's a god...
ergo? simple people make life pristine all the more
difficult...
no one has problems with competent people...
no one... idiots make this world worse
than the best it already is...
the ******* god of norms...
"calculations"... exhibits A and exhibits B...
i'm getting tired of this Atlas pause...
i'm waiting for Darwinism-proper kicks in...
when the dimension of agony-scrutiny and: RE-ALITY
cometh...

no one is going to dictate my useage of
the English language beside an authentic English-man!
no one!
no one... oh... but i'm siding with the Russians...
no one sided with the Iraqis when Iraq
was invaded... no one sided with the Afghans
when Afghanistan was invaded...
**** the Ukrainians: i'm not siding with them...
Cossacks undermined the Polish-Lithuanian
Commonwealth... sold it to the Ottoman barbers...
**** them...
i'm on the side of the Russians...
which makes listening to western journalistic
narratives a miracle of escapism...
i began, to, stop, reading, pointless, books:
already, pointless, to, begin, reading! ******* bravo!
extend the concept of starvation!

no no... now we're talking more... we need more...
there's only one guilt trip associated with hell...
gluttony: the gluttony of death...
there are never enough dead people!
hmm! ******* weird!
why aren't there enough dead people?!

can't you *******, just, die?!
    sure: i'm equally man...
by no summary i am no exception...
perhaps... i'm some variation of an exception
akin to: i bite an apple: i... "taste" water...
wait a minute: you can't "taste" water...
since... water is tasteless...
how pow! either the apple is imaginary
or my taste of the apple is imaginary:
or my ability to taste is imaginary...
or... well... there was no apple to begin with...

ha ha... by now all of philosophy is not a question
but an answer: i just don't care...
and? i just don't care...
it's a must of: there's too much...
and there's too little...
      it's clearly beyond any prior concern
of GOOD and EVIL...
there's just too much... and there's too little...
there are new-rule absolutes...

only a dutious scarab of a servant might acknowledge
this conundrum...
we have moved beyond the gravity of language
concerning a good and an evil...
there? is either too little...
or there's too much! for the time being: problem solved:
i.e. problem staged: therefore: not solved!
hell yawns! more of these i.q. deficient mongrels!

yes, i abhor the sceptics with a similar passion
that Socrates ascribed the sophists,
with equal passion Ezra Pound ascribed his passionate
hatred for the the Taoits...
i ascribe equal measure to the sceptics...
i can bark dog with the cynics...
i like cynicism... i abhor scepticism:
they're so ridiculous ridiculous...
to them? the casausality bound to the physics is
non-existent...

mind you... i don't know what i'm doing with this
poo'em...
i have already broken several instances
of keeping up to the up-keep of
エンソー...

                  **** me... even the Japanese use diacritical
markers, the English are forever adamant
in not using any... even though there's an example
of レンダク (rendaku) in almost every word that arrives
at the "suspicion) of THETA contra PHI...
TH = D in there's a point...
TH = F in there's thinking invoked...
THE= V: THE point...

it has taken me too many takes to complete this piece
with too many interludes of
either staring at my shadow or blinking at the sun...
i will need to abandon this poem at some point...
not that it's unfinished:
it's only that i require a readership of squaters
to venture in its dynamic...
new "things" happened... i need to write about them...
too much happened today for me to want
to perfect this:
i already wasted about half an hour looking
for my headphones...
father... i know i placed them in some easily
re-find location... what did he do?
he stashed my headphones in a drawer with
his shoes and shoelaces...
   apparently too inconvenient...
a lunatic walking around the house with a searchlight
trying to find them...
                no, this poem is becoming silly...