Love is like a disease it spreads.
Hatred is an itch when you keep
Scratching it. It Fester an kills you.

When i think about the things I've said.
Feelings I felt. I melt inside.
It turns my in sides out.
My heart combust
An I hate myself.
Why are I not enough.
Denial will have you walk for miles.
Sorrow is a sweet after taste of a sucker punch of truth.
Loneliness is only a symptom.
An that to will pass.


I am a enigma of feeling. I cry when the rain falls to hard. When the wind blows in the wrong directions. I'm poetic. I'm also a stepping stone. The men I've let erase my soul an rewrite my blueprint. The salty tears I cry are almost symbiotic. Another symptom. Like a sonnet short an sweet. Running in a circle walking a fine line. Waiting to leap. Is it a crime to work 9 to 9. Roller coaster emotinal train wreck. An I think to myself who will love me.



I bare myself to the pit an it asks me if I'll jump. I reply not today. Slumped down I step closer to the edge. I reenact self destructive behaviors daily. Am I considered an addict. I seek validation from namless phantoms. I named them my self conscious. Are you listening my beating heart gets louder. I order cream an chowder. Sips slow on estacy. Love an lust sleep next to me. I'm smothered in one while I'm blocked to the other. Exits are closed off I think where is my mother.  I shudder remembering I'm alone.

Lose yourself
To a sea of weakness
But be sure
No one
Is swimming

I Flow Sinical,
Huggin A Coat,
Holding This Black Rose,
Oh , I'm So Cold,
All Alone,
Should've,
Known,
Home Don't Feel Like Home,
It's All Because Of Me,
See I Can't Feel A Bone,
Twisted Like Some Dreads,
Mirror Image Snakes On Head,
All Black,
Red Sand,
Ahead Of My Thoughts And,
Checmical Imbalance,
Challenge My Talents,
They Lookin At Me Like They ******* Lost,
I Don't Fight, I Will Protect My Life,
A ******* Boss,
It's On Don,
Time To Box,
Super Smooth Right,
Romance Type,
Rhymes Shine Like,
Middnight Moon Sight,
Lady We Can Hold Hands Tight,
I'ma Vamp,
Jam The Mic,
Out The Amp,
Camper Night,
Crowd Gone Want An Oncore,
Cos They Feel Me When I'm Spillin Beans,
I'm Cold They Want Me On More,
I'm On Tour,
Took A Plane Just To Sit,
What The **** Is This,
Bonjour,
Rituals Closed Doors,
Won't Expose The Ugly Oaths,
If I Hear You Crack An Ugly Joke ,Auidos,
You Got To Go,
Running From My Self This Long,
Blood On Theese Blisterd Toes,
Owl I See You Gold,
I'm Missing You,
How Will I See You Go,
Black Wings On My Back,
Bats Sing,
Ghost Show,
Enities,
Scary Things,
Woah,
Right Now,
I'm Bout,
To Get It In My Whip And Go,
I Hate To Be Alone,
Length Hurts More,
I Feel Like An Earth Warm,
Soul Burns, I'm Sore,
I'm Sore
Perpare For THe Grand Fanaliy,
Sacred Notes Spoken By The Adams Family,
I Tried To Breath,
I Tried To Leave And Succusseed,
Exceed In Cali,
Before I Leave
Cemertary Scene,
Sit On A Grand Paino,
And Begin To Angel Sing,
Wrapped Up ,
In Black Dust,
Intriging Things,
Such Vivid Dreams,
Speak Nice,
I Reancarnated A Fly,
Should Of Been There It Was Hype,
Intrusive Thoughts,
3rd Eye Sharp As Hell,
Some Just Lie,
And Tell
My Ryimng Giant,
Roar Like Sirens,
Silence A Lion Tail,
And If I'm Silenced For Braking Silience,
Violent Tale,
Everythings A Story,
Glimpse Of An Experience,
Illumatied With A Sphere In Him,
Are You Hearing Em,
New Dimensions Put Fear In Em,
I'm Not FearLess,
See And Hear Ghost,
Immense Spirtual,
Deacreses Pieces Beneath Intesity Of Physical,
Pain Reaps Pleasre,
This Might Alarm Some,
Umm, Karma Is Risidual,
Percautious Actions,
Propper Packin,
Excotic Chick,
Cool As This,
Sits With A Napkin,
Poeitc Romantic Majestic,
Captin,
Thanks For Letting My Cats In,
Manners Like I'm Well Be Haved,
Nailed To The Grave,
Verbatim When I Say Demons Know The Game,
I Have Tourettes I Twitch My Neck,
Sensations Anxious Pain,
Channel There's No Train,
Why Do We Some Times Wait,
There's Is No Hopping On A Train,
Right This Way ,
There's No Such Thing,
Every Year Fear Cutting My Wings,
Despriptive Dreams,
Doungion Screams,
Destructive Thoughts Manifest Bad Things,
What If I'm Not Dead,
Just My Head Glimpsing Into An Expeirence That Rings,
Some Times I Picture
Daisy Filled Trees,
Gold Light Right Beside A Swing,
Empty Seat Beautiful Scene,
Poetry Deep,
Tears Scream What Does It Mean,
I Don't Mean To Be Mean,
Inflicted With The Wicked,
Demons Screamin At Me, ,
Alot Is Not What It Seems,
My Thoughts Build The ***,
Sensations Bloomin Seeds,
Frequency From My Belief,
Is Primarily The Feed,
Change Your Thoughts Around 2 Weeks,
Or Reality Becomes The Leaves,
Were Equal With Speech,
Diffrent Ways To Relay Communicate,
Willing To Teach,
You Can Stay When It Rains,
Please Take A Seat,
Are You Thirsty , Are You Hungry,
We Can Eat,
Need An Ear, Help Fighting Fear,
Come Here,
Just Tell Me What You Need,
A Never Ending Hug ,
Or The Deepest Spoken Piece,
I'm Hurting Coping With The Beast Inside Of Me,
Purgotry True Story Burns Like A Priest,
Vampire , Wearwolf,
Hybrid ,
Teeth,
Peter Pan Spirit ,
Spy Like Speech,
Smooth When I Move,
Staright Forward Like Sheets,
Don't Sweat My Technique , Lie Or Be Thief,
Chosen One,Under A Golden Sun,
Master Key,
Craftin Rappin Abbraccaddabra , Master Piece,
I'm Coming At Ya With I Understand,
And Peace,
Dreams Come True,
See,
I Telport To A Cave On Side Of Seas,
Black Sand,
Red Beach,
Gazin At The Waves I'm Amazed,
Today The Rain Didn't Take Me,
I'm Dying I'm Eyeing Save The,
Iron Silence,
Rippin SKin Reachin For Saftey,
White Noise,
It Is Pericing Loud,
Letting Go,
Can Turn It Down,
Don't Walk Away Come On Turn Around,
Out Burst Anger Burns The Ground,
So Confused , Emotinal Bruse,
Right, Wrong ,
Who's To Choose,
Perceptions Immbeded With A Nouse,
Code Infected With Negletic Hectic,
That Was Hard I Said It,
Past All Scars, Regret It,
All Alone Driving Down A Dark Rode,
Oh No, Yo A ****** Nose,
Passion Rose
Magik Nose,
Eyes Know,
Aroua white Snow,
Violet Glow,
Sharp Tone,
Mom You Home,

Am feeling as if Time & Detachment of sensibility to my enviroment people and thoughts are retained and analyzed to comform to my pattern of thinking...as if I am slightly comforted by a sense of relaxation/laziness that makes time pass in a form of carelessness and desensitization. My body is enormously relaxed and has a natural sense of calmness. Entuned and warped with light ease of mixed emotinal stress & the pressures of life are reduced by this slowed calm and relaxed feelings of peace & it's release of mental frustrations and stress. Time and space seem to be flowing more at ease with a touch of carelessness and relaxed sense of being comfortable in my own skin, enviroment and the people am surronded with. Perhaps I am slightly detached from feelings of anxiety, triggers to use and emotional stress have been diminished. I have finally let go of my obsession to use destructive substances...just for today I am clean & maintaining sober posture.

The living years


This is a story of two people named Brian and peter who try and live very good lives, they exercise every morning by doing a lap around their suburb and they both go to work
Brian is an artist who wants to help the world through his art and despite his mind being made up, he thinks it would be good if he had a good job he will have money to go on holidays and Peter was a gym instructor who trained people to become fitter in mind body and spirit and unlike Brian
Peter believed in strong discipline and
Said it would be great if Brian would follow in his footsteps as opposed to just doing what he wants, both of them were from strong families who believed in the laid back kind of life but peter wanted more but it didn’t seem to work out for him no matter how many times he tried, and helping people with their fitness goals seemed to work out very well for him
And Brian was happy every time he sold an artwork and that inspired him to realise that art was his thing
Peter was suffering after a breakup with his girlfriend Joan who himself trained to be a better person but Joan wanted more from their relationship than peter did so they split up, Peter still trained her twice a week, and every day training Joan, Peter was worried about not being very cool, but then he was fit and strong and every 5 months joined a strongman tournament to make his world a hell of a lot better and cooler, and he always took it out on his mate Brian like saying clean your house and make it spotless ‘boy’ and then suddenly a client gave peter a ticket to see Adelaide crows play the Geelong cats because he couldn’t go and Peter decided to ask Brian if he was interested in going with him and Brian was excited because he really loves the Adelaide crows and watching them play really made him happy and Peter gave him the ticket and said, meet me at the gate or if I call and say I will be late go inside and get your seat and this is going to be exciting, and Peter loved to visit his mum and dad at their home in Coober pedy in which was an underground town, mainly at Christmas and other religious holidays and Brian had a life with his best mate Patrick who they have been mates since school, Brian and Patrick went to see concerts together as well as go to nightclubs as well as footy games mainly SANFL matches where both of them liked watching the Glenelg tigers play whether they won or lost it didn’t worry them it was just a game
But this story is not stuck in the past, no, Brian was now with peter but Patrick was there trying to make Brian
Understand that they are still friends
Through and through and then Brian wanted to be given a job in a job which he could make a difference like working in a homeless centre because he felt sorry for the homeless people as they have a lot of problems dealing with things that Brian and Peter take for granted but because of that some of the homeless people yelled at Brian saying if you want to help us ******* away from this place it isn’t the place that you want to work, no but it is my life today said Brian and Peter asked Brian if he was interested in having a hearty dinner of chicken parmigiana with fresh vegetables and pumpkin
And sometimes Brian got sick of Peter but if they departed their ways he would lose his house so he needed Peter with his high paying job to keep him in his house, besides which Brian
Feels for homeless people but didn’t want to be one of them and yes that was the bond that kept them together. The next day Brian went to his art group where he learned how to express his great imagination to the entire world and after a few weeks of Enjoying this he was asked if his art could be used in a television show on channel 7 because it is amazing how much expression is his works and this made Brian so happy and he went to the bottle shop and bought a nice sparkling wine to celebrate their good fortune and after another 2 weeks Ellen degenerous asked Brian to be on her show in the United States of America so she can get his wonderful expressive artworks out to the people
And Brian was ever so happy about that and he has seen the show and Brian wondered what gift Ellen was going to give him like something like $20-000 to get him in good courses
To make his art improve to the best of his ability but there was still no message of what Ellen was thinking of
And Peter taught Brian about the things he has to say when he is there to say he is a good artist to imply he deserves the money and Peter gave him a mock interview with him pretending he was Ellen and Brian was getting nervous and started to worry that Ellen will kick him out saying you will never be like us ‘ever
And then as the mock interview continued Brian said he wanted to be an actor saying his expressive art will give him confidence to come out of his shell and learn how to act and yes this will make Brian happy but peter asked questions that Ellen wouldn’t ask in a million years but he did that to tell him that he has the talent but he needs to show Ellen that and Brian got very emotional about it and Patrick was thinking Brian is turning into an emotinal ******* know an emo but Brian told Patrick to leave him the **** alone and let me live my life right, ok and then after the day was over Brian and Peter sat down and watched the footy matches that were on television that night and Brian was feeling confident about going on the Ellen show talking about his art and both Brian and Peter were happy with their lives but there is always things that could change their happiness just lurking around the corner like life’s problems.