Love is like a disease it spreads. Hatred is an itch when you keep Scratching it. It Fester an kills you.
When i think about the things I've said. Feelings I felt. I melt inside. It turns my in sides out. My heart combust An I hate myself. Why are I not enough. Denial will have you walk for miles. Sorrow is a sweet after taste of a sucker punch of truth. Loneliness is only a symptom. An that to will pass.
I am a enigma of feeling. I cry when the rain falls to hard. When the wind blows in the wrong directions. I'm poetic. I'm also a stepping stone. The men I've let erase my soul an rewrite my blueprint. The salty tears I cry are almost symbiotic. Another symptom. Like a sonnet short an sweet. Running in a circle walking a fine line. Waiting to leap. Is it a crime to work 9 to 9. Roller coaster emotinal train wreck. An I think to myself who will love me.
I bare myself to the pit an it asks me if I'll jump. I reply not today. Slumped down I step closer to the edge. I reenact self destructive behaviors daily. Am I considered an addict. I seek validation from namless phantoms. I named them my self conscious. Are you listening my beating heart gets louder. I order cream an chowder. Sips slow on estacy. Love an lust sleep next to me. I'm smothered in one while I'm blocked to the other. Exits are closed off I think where is my mother. I shudder remembering I'm alone.
I wrote this when my bestfriend who I had been in love with since the age of 14 broke my heart completely. When he said he wanted to be just friends. I was devastated cause I loved him an my feeling where innocent. I let him use my body an he careless broke my heart it hurt an I'm still healing from it.