can u call it home when u rarely feel included?

i am two in one body;
one lives with fear that she will always be a failure
and one suffers with it

Life is full of chemistry

it's challenging to learn

but when you finally understood things

you will realize how amazing life can be

and how little things actually mean a lot.

two young wild hearts in this ****** city,
you and i have made our own calamity.
a tornado born out of seamless feelings,
both looking for love but with different meanings.

i am hopelessly romantic, a lover with blind eyes,
So i rely on what i hear: good truths and sweet lies.
whatever i can hold, i grip it with my hand so tight;
i act as if your moves and this story are not trite.

so done and fed up, but i stay regardless.
i don't care even if it’s a temporary happiness.
all those smiles and laughs that i had with you
are better than nothing; i'll take a dubious few.

show me the kind of love that makes me question reality.
knowing that this could all be a trick, i still did it willingly.
your warmth and company, flickering, driving me mad,
but baby, just touch me and see that i am still down bad.

he is a boy with time and wanting to have fun;
i am a lady waiting for someone to shoot her with a gun.
he did the hunting, but i gave him the tools and map.
i may have allowed him to set me up in his trap.

bring me to places that i’ve never been;
bring me to life and then **** me within.
silently, i hope for something better to receive,
to be deemed worthy of the real love you can give.

smitten, drunk, slowly losing my sense of value;
i'm quite scared to find myself kneeling before you.
i want to have you for me, but i refuse to speak,
so i let this yearning and hope in my words leak.

kiss, leave, hold, and ignore me; lead me on, and i'm all for it.
the pain and love are something my heart doesn’t ever want to admit.
if ever you're wondering if what you want would make me glad,
my love, let it be known to you that for you, i am still down bad.

my home, please let me in.

when you have reached the depth of your internal suffering
that intense heaviness in your heart
and the most comforting part of your sorrow

to realize that you are done

it is the pleasure in killing myself.

memories are treasures
that you're supposed to bring
not a pin that u have to endure,
that keeps u from moving

go on, move forward
and stop being a coward
close the door and just leave
remember, nostalgia deceives

you're the only mercy that the universe has given to me.

it has never been easy
to find the light in the dark sea
to wander blind and alone
to seek what is yet unknown

it has never been easy
to stretch your wings and be free
heart is an animal in a cage
liberty has now become a sorrowful rage

chained by my mind
haunted by my past
my poem and life are not the kind
that gives a colorful blast

despite that, here I am writing
to tell a part of the horrors of living
and to say that it may never be easy
but chaos has a hidden beauty

melancholic hope and doubtful trust
shaking faith, yet values are a must
if life is softly deemed an art
irony is one of its shameful part

it may never have been easy
light and freedom may be hard to see
but if we take life graciously
maybe it won't be as cruel as it would be

she's not just like any other queen. her kingdom is built in a place you've never heard of, but as soon as you see her, you know it is thriving under the silence of her loud strides, and the grace of her gestures, courtesy at its finest, mirrors the realm of her own world. only the deserving can step on her land; one should work hard for it.

i've always been ashamed of my sharp and poisonous thorns, and yet you hold me as if i'm a delicate flower that should be taken care of. i’m scared i might make you feel sick, and you’ll die from the love that i don’t even know how to give.

i began fearing love because i found it loud and explosive—not until  i saw the spark of your eyes as you laughed, and all i could hear was my own heart loudly beating.

i pay my debt by seeing you everywhere and realizing we will never meet again.

i asked the moon to take care of him.
he rarely goes out every night.

and here we are again
waiting for that agony
that despite of me doing everything i can
i still always end up helpless

every
single
time

Lately, I've asked myself
Many questions of mankind
They are like books in a shelf
Combined in my lost mind

The unending questions of "Whys"
A battle that I'm facing
I'm looking for words that are concise
For these unexplainable feeling

Why do I have to be sad?
Why do I have to cry?
This world is making me mad
For always making me try

Try to answer these questions
But what I got were additions
All I wanted were just replies
But what I got were crying eyes

Why can't anyone help me?
Why can't I just be free?
Why do I have to experience these?
All I wanted was just peace

Why am I not in love with life anymore?
Like my young self used to before
Why am I feeling hopeless?
Can I just have some rest?

Drowning in thousand thoughts
While laying alone in a foam
And just like a lost astronaut
I'm trying to find my way back home

Suddenly, a voice came out
She was saying something about
A gentle and warm sound
Feels like a magic that I found

She knew my doubts
She heard my silent shouts
She gave me ease
By just saying these

"You always kept on asking
But there are reasons why these are happening
Universe does knows everything
Just believe in its timing

You have to be sad sometimes
You will experience many emotions in a lifetime
You won't also cry forever
But the prettiest waterfall pours unending water

And sometimes, not everyone can help you
You have to help yourself, too
And don't worry, you will be free
Just keep on going and you will see

And yes, you have to experience everything
Someday, you'll see yourself glowing and glowing
I am very proud of you
For always choosing to continue

I hope you'll fall in love with life once more
Because there are still a lot to explore
You can have rest for a while
And continue again with a smile"

Every words were like magic in the air
She said these words with so much care
And maybe.... maybe, she was right
I just have to hold on tight

Someday, I will meet her somewhere
But in that time, I am not in despair
I will make sure to face her blissfully
Because it was my future self who talked to me