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This is a curious feeling,
I want to know
either I am happy or sad.
a painful feeling,
I want to know
either I´m hurt because of ignorance Or
I am unhappy with my response.
a brave feeling, to heal my pain
either I face the challenge,
or I change the direction of my mind,
It´s just the feeling that
I want to shape me to previous one.
#hurt #pain
The White Whale

She swam the gauntlet
Six times, seven
Then took a chance on love
And was rewarded
Far beyond her hopes and dreams

But now this eighth trip south
Much harder than before
And she so weary
Overburdened
Unesteemed

Then it went wrong
The water
Kind no longer
Tainted and impure
Took first her child
And then, no longer caring, she

When soon she came to rest
Among the rocks
Almost as if to say
You’ve cared not for my ocean home -
Now you must deal with me.
When I started college, I majored in marine biology, and my primary interests then, as now, were whales and sharks.  

This poem, written on 6Feb99, was about a pregnant female California grey whale, Eschrichtius robustus, which had died at sea and washed ashore on the Palos Verdes Peninsula, in southernmost Los Angles County.  Although in life grey whales are dark to light grey, depending upon age and the amount of barnacles and sea lice encrustations on their skin, after death the outer skin sloughs off, revealing the blubber layer beneath, making the whale appear white to the casual observer.

Local residents were appalled by the stench, as whales' bodies are designed to retain heat and thus decompose rapidly, while biologists agreed that a spike in local bacterial levels in near-shore waters most likely contributed to the death of the whale and her calf.

My favorite scientific name for the grey whale, which I would like to see become California's state animal, is the obsolete Rhachianectes glaucus, which translates literally to "grey swimmer along rocky shores."  I can't think of a better description of these magnificent and loving animals.
 Oct 2015 Sanam ojha
Havran
"No matter how hard you try to keep people for from the world, one way or another they will be a part of it; they will venture out. They will explore. They will find adventure. If we were to liken ourselves to birds, we too possess a yearning to be free, even if it meant leaving the safety of our cages."
 Oct 2015 Sanam ojha
Young Soda
the smell of tobacco
Lingering in patchouli
voyaging onward
Highways of physical
Manifested memory
cycles of cars, homes
dogs and cats along
we notice that sound
aroma and coffee taste

Now we can drive too
the hurricane of scents
cycles bikes and basements
greets the pets and parents
the car is still in the driveway
sleep sound for the morning
and evening as well
she might be gone but you're still
here.
A beleaguered mind behind placid eyes
This stoic facade is my disguise
There's a pain I cannot fully verbalize
Impossible to rationalize or make you realize
My emotions run deep, that much is true
They are the reason for my heart's grand coup
Its fighting my mind, making me blind
Makes me want to run scared of an attack from behind
It consumes my thoughts and fuels my fears
Its a battle I feel I'm losing and it brings me to tears
I feel the loss of control taking a hold over me
And its my darkest thoughts that say they'll set me free
Make me free? I want to believe
Because after it all who would really miss me?
Nobody knows of my pain, driving me insane
Spreading like cancer throughout my brain
I try to reach for help but the doors keep closing
Its a living night terror and this world is a show screen
There's no wake up or brake up from this terror existing
My thoughts told me how to end it - drop from a building
Kiss that pavement, make a statement, go out nice and quick
Because dealing with my problems makes me always feel sick
My head's always in the toilet
I'm a walking disappointment
I'm so afraid to face myself, I missed my psychiatrist appointments
From a much different time, which felt so long ago, yet really wasn't so.
What is it about this sentiment called love
That people find it difficult to say to; au revoir
So sharp and strong like the scimitar
Yet sweet and tasty like the pinot noir
Its beauty is a million time the beauty of Zanzibar

Pure and gentle like a dove
Without it we feel incomplete
It is the perfect definition of bittersweet
Having it puts us in the catbird seat
Making us the Corps D’elite

This feeling called love
Is something that can never be shoved out of the way
Even if it is leading us astray
It comes with a coupe in which the two can sway
Having it means no feeling of dismay

Thousands of names it has
The Indonesian call it sayang
Die Liebe by the German
Amore by the Italian
But in my world, the only word I have for love is YOU.
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