I kissed you
and tasted alcohol
staining your lips

I didn't find this wrong
Or unusual
Or concerning

All I could think about
Was how I wanted to become
Something you were addicted to

I wanted to drip past your tongue
Pour down your throat
Bitter but enjoyed

Turn to me when you need comfort
Let me haze your mind to take away all pain
Blur your vision so you don't see what you don't want to

I can be your new intoxication.

Your voice trails through my mind
endlessly
like the superlative rhythm of the rain
dripping through me
drenching me in new thoughts
new ideas
a thunderstorm of you.

When I was little
I used to pretend I was a fortune teller
Looking through the glass orb
Pretending I could see my future
My life as I always wanted it to be.

Now I don't need anything like that
I like the idea of not knowing what I want next,
Although, I'm forever seeing you within all I perceive
No need to imagine how I want life to be
When I'm content with the present.

You are the **** in my garden
Unlike anything I wanted to plant
I never intended for you to invade

I want to dismantle you petal by petal
Picking through your mind
Plucking you out of my thoughts

Most gardeners would tell me to rid myself of you
A nuisance in the garden of my mind
Pushing past all other beautiful blooms
Making yourself seen and known
But I don't mind, I'd always preferred dandelions over roses.

I became so addicted to the feeling of nothing
that when I started to feel you
I went through withdrawals.
I wanted so desperately to forget about
the nice feelings that ran through my mind
when I thought of you,
because I became so intimate with being alone
that leaving the vast isolation of myself behind
felt like I was killing the part of me
that taught me how to survive.

I'm not used to hearing things
that make my heart beat fast
and my legs shake.
I'm not used to getting calls
unless it's 3 a.m.
and someone just needs to vent.
But man would I answer in
a heartbeat just so I can hear your voice
even when I just want to sleep.