i'm tired,
can't you see,
the misery painted within the whites between my eye sockets
laughing through clenched teeth,
i bite my tongue
breathe, breathe, breathe
release my pent up angst
up to the moon,
salvation is coming,
soon

i miss you like a lunar eclipse.
you dont cross my mind 364 days out of 365
but every four years
a total eclipse of my thoughts
occur

and on burning cold nights
lonely witching hour
does my mind wander so
remembering soft touches
and melting whispers
fleeting feelings
and lingering lips

frustration clouds my memories
like fog wisping across the moon
shadows and doubts created in its
absence that are
only visible once in a blue moon

-the stars
-the moon
-the galaxy
-other galaxies
-the insignificance of humans
-life&death
-the concept of time
-the possibility of other dimensions
-your laugh and the way your eyes crinkle at the corner

today i kept thinking i saw you,
with your ***** blond hair and
awkward smile
your self confident stride
and sense of style

my heart jumped each time
at the mere idea of your presence,
as my body has yet to unlearn
its reaction to you

every time i see you
you never flinch or even glance my way
you walk closer
and then suddenly
it's not
you

my eyes flit down
i realise i was staring
my mouth involuntarily makes
a small disappointed 'o'
i realise i was holding my breath

but the very next second
my eyes flick back
and imagine your presence all over
again

no matter how far away you are,
miles, hours or oceans away
im still determined to find
you in every crowd

i miss things that ive never had;

i miss the way you never stroked my hair
i miss the way you never held me in your arms
i miss the way you never said you liked me
i miss your non existent embraces, your content smiles,
how you refused to tie my laces
and how we never tried new things together
how we didnt go on adventures,
how we didnt explore the world

these are things i imagined because
most of all
i miss the way you never noticed me when i have,

been here the entire time.

I love you
but what good has that ever done?
maybe few smiles
but deep inside
you are still alone
locked
scared
sickened
you hold a little lamp inside an empty room
knowing it to be the only light
that the world is to offer
you believe people are unreliable
the keys are lost in piles of dirt
(the moon has never seen your face)
and yet when I look through the keyhole
desperate to reach out for you
I see a pair of glowing brown eyes
they are hard and yet wondering
your face is the picture of Venus
defiant, proud and simply beautiful
but still capable of loving
So put your hands into dirt
search this whole sad gloomy room
to find the key that opens lock
because nobody can get through

waking up in an empty bed
feels so wrong and lonely.
i want your mumbled i love yous
and middle of the night hugs.
what am i supposed to do
while you're gone.

I hope you miss me.
I hope you drown in the loneliness
Of the silence that will greet you.
I hope the depths of sadness
Never really leave you.
Not even when you scream
As the pain cuts through your body.
I hope my face is forever printed in the back of your mind,
So when you look at her
You will always see me.
I hope you never move on.
But of course,
This poem is a lie.
I love you
And I would never wish what you have done to me,
Upon you.