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1.9k · May 2019
fake <3
robin May 2019
conditional love
leaves a sour taste on your tongue
when you were raised on candy
it comes as a surprise
but not everyone’s like you your mother will say
It’s hard excepting that some people will only love you based on what you give them.
1.4k · Jan 2023
Nimbostratus
robin Jan 2023
I loved you with all of me and that’s all I could do in the end.

I tried everything I could to make you see my value but you closed your eyes.

So we walked away from each other.
It seemed to be easier for you, as if you weren’t fully there in the first place
While I clung, I clung like I was holding onto a frayed rope
The idea of you, the lifetime I thought we would live together, the future I believed was a reality.

I fell in love with our ideas.
The words we said together through our hot breath.
The sound of the echo of our laughs in a room.

The good times.
I held on to those memories of you even in a **** storm of bad.

For years I called out your name through that same storm
Hoping you would hear my voice and find your way back to me
Believing we would collapse into each other again and everything would be how it was, how you said for so long things would be.
But the thunder was too loud. The clouds covered your face
And the lightening struck the earth hard and severed the ground right between where we stood together.

I loved you like a child loves
Deeply
But doesn’t know how to express.
I loved you with flaws and rough edges and plenty of mistakes
But with kisses and kindness too.

I loved you with poems and songs,
Romance and gestures that were seldom reciprocated.
I felt you on what I believed was a beautifully real level, but it was one sided.
The pain that hides within you I held it and tried to learn how to best kiss it softly.
I understood your intricacies, deeply and tried to sort through the confusion of why you are the way you are. I gave you excuses but I also had expectations.
I tried to be gentle, but I wasn’t always
and for that part of me I apologize.

I am coming to the realization that
A part of me will always be in love with a part of you.
A part of me will always miss the shape of you in my bed and the weight of your hands in mine. How we would giggle like young kids, So in love with love and how you would hold me close in the night.

But I am walking away from the you I thought that you were
And realizing that you weren’t ever really that person to begin with.

I am walking on broken glass away from the idea of us
Every step hurts
But maybe there will be less pain on the other side. Someday.

I still carry the good with me in my pocket
I have to remember you like that too
To remind myself it wasn’t just you,
I was part of the problem too.
Or I won’t be able to make steps away from the same place I’ve been standing in for years.

I have been weighed down by the cinderblock in my throat for as long as I can remember,
The words that never came out
The lead in my feet
My resistance to acknowledge and heal the ugly sharp parts of myself that have cut you.

The weight of the bad
needs to be acknowledged while I hold hands with the good memories too.
that’s the hardest part..

Things were not all bad.
You were not entirely a bad person
nor was I,
There was a time when what we were was beautiful and those versions of us will live in my heart always.
We are just simply two people with
Too much.
robin Apr 2016
were neck deep in cigarettes
coughing up
pennies to feed each other's piggy banks
just to get by
kissing left and right
in the hallways
that are tucked away from the prying eyes
but still just as ****** as the last
i want to be more then a pass me by- hello-how-you-doin'-grin
i want to be the alcohol that hangs on your breath
from last night
that
warmth
hanging near that soft spot on your lower lip
that
i want to take shelter on.
1.1k · Sep 2018
green river
robin Sep 2018
green river
wet thighs
white towels
panic
yellow lines
street signs
cracked pavement
nighttime
City lights
Ambulance siren
hospital lights
dog barks
water drips from the faucet
running out of time
grey leather seats
emergency
wheel chairs and nurses
galking people
wet eyes
hands, shaking
sharp turns
running
down the hall
Barefoot
cold floor
green river
hospital tissue paper
phone calls
too much
can’t breathe
nurses laughing
hands on your shoulder
Happy for you
contractions
three centimeters dilated
nurses talk
Blanket
cold hands
heart beating fast
can’t breathe
Fluorescent lights
Shaking
green river
nurses
where’s babies heart beat
dropping
panic
Cold hands
Creeky bed
Oxygen mask
Can’t breathe
can’t breathe
all fours like a dog
Blue Shower cap
Emergency
Running down the hall
wet eyes
Green river
Florescent lights
hand sanitizer smell
Can’t breathe can’t breathe
cold
hospital room
no blanket
alone
shaking nervous scared
Emergency
heart rate dropping
Galking eyes
cold air
dizzy
Panic
anesthesia
blackness
Fuzzy vision


Where’s my baby
where’s my baby?
761 · Nov 2016
runt
robin Nov 2016
just a child hidden in the tall grass
trying to grow tall enough to leave the safety of
my mothers den
i am young and dumb and all of those stupid things
but i want to be brave
just like you
show me how to breathe without your lungs
breathing for me
help me learn how to stand tall, on my own two feet
teach me how to grow in all the places they
*never thought i could.
don't abandon ship
730 · Apr 2017
erroneous selachimorpha
robin Apr 2017
the smell of blood
fills your gills with rancid salt water
frothing at the mouth, desperate like a rabid dog.
sea foam trickles down the sharks chin
its pearly white teeth
kiss you around the edges
with intentions only for love.
726 · Dec 2015
parrot head
robin Dec 2015
my brain told me not too eat the grain mamas been out picking
it said i should sit inside and watch the telly again
but i did that last week and everyday
in-between
and there's
funny jokes on tv
that aren't really funny at all
but
shhhhh
im not supposed to laugh
mama forbids it
and
her and daddy use to beat me until it was ingrained in my brain
i still won't eat the bread though

hahahahah

sunset hills
is where they lay me to rest
still can't find peace
in the most beautiful places
pack away my bones
on the shelf
i do every now and again
please
tell me to sit still
like the knick knacks
please
tell me to stick my toungue out to catch the dust
and i will listen because that's what mama said
and her voice
that's the farthest i've ever traveled
that's all ive ever known

i run around with the farm boys
at dusk
mama says to be back before the gypsys come out
to take me
my brain listens
my head nods
but my heart tetters on the edge of a cliff
i still continue to chase them around the train tracks
over and over again
an endless cycle of never being able to be happy.
I've noticed I tend to occupy myself with people and things to the point of me not being able to be happy with myself and who I am

No more of that.
617 · Jan 2016
sabertooth
robin Jan 2016
shes a wolf.
a real cool-gal.
the kind that shotguns beer
and fixes cars
and shoots guns off of rooftops.
yeah,
a real gum-off-the-wall-steal
kiss me
before
my teeth fall out
yeah,
tell me im worth-less than this
use me
and ill use you
till we're used up and use to it
yeah,
we're
true garbage kids
fogging up strangers car windows.
just children
huddled so close
in a world full of landfills.
except
i am still trying to get away from you.

    tell me..
why do we stay the same?
why don't we cry like the other kids that are left behind?
why do i continue to
live with the stowaways stitched to the bottom of your pockets?
take me somewhere new.
597 · Jan 2016
fuck small-talk.
robin Jan 2016
got a backpack full of burdens and i'm walking this road alone.
didn't pack any clothes for the trip to the end of the world.
oh no i didn't.
and i have a worn out soul-on-both-of -my-shoes
and im getting tired of running
oh yes i am.
oh yes i am.
so im gonna hitchhike with serial killers and there killer smiles
oh yeah,
smile for me baby
yeah,
green thumb facing the sun
daddy long leg outstretched on the side of the gravel-road-red-carpet
they will come like ants to breadcrumbs
pull over on the side of the road
put your bag of burdens in the backseat and won't even ask for your name.
584 · Aug 2016
reptile
robin Aug 2016
theres blood on the wall
theres blood on them all
they just don't see it
like
you
do
.
robin Apr 2020
and i ache just thinking about it
all those times i needed you and you walked right out the door.
all the soft and tender midnight words i dreamed you had whispered in my ears that were soon replaced with cold lifeless ones.

and i ache

i ache for all the times my heart skipped a beat just to get thrown down the stairs

i ache remembering all those nights that i would lie awake
    alone.
right next to you.

        begging
to be touched
to be looked at
to be held
to be seen
to be felt
in all the throbbing places
inside of
    me
just one little kiss
one kind word
a moment of softness
   some sort of mercy


and i ache. i shiver and shake

        i cry and wonder when i’ll get a break

i cry and wonder when i’ll get a break.
503 · Dec 2015
wild child.
robin Dec 2015
wild waves fade like the curly cues in your hair
urges are kept under the staircase
and the tips of your
fingernails.
winter worries
wonder if you're good enough to carry on.
but you carry on
still.
you walk barefoot
through the pine cones
and underbrush
to meet her.
the one who you once felt was the same.

hello familiar friend.
you are a stranger now.
502 · Nov 2016
anhedonia
robin Nov 2016
i like words.
but i don't like
giving those words to people
because when i do they lose their magic
and become mere tools
manipulated
for our communication.
but no one really listens
anymore
it's not about understanding
these days
people just listen and take what they want to hear.
throw a little bit of kindle in the fire
to keep the endless stream of small talk flowing.
no depth.
no real meaning.
recycled faces
trending personalities.
every interaction is just a chemical reaction
but once long ago we were our own. like grasshoppers we embraced our solidarity.
now addicted to the empty feeling of each other
rubbing together
we swarm like locust.
494 · Jun 2016
wiggle room
robin Jun 2016
tear the hair out of your roots
out of
the soil
sitting atop your head
  
   careful
though
as to not rip any of the veins
that are so intricately packed together
inside your
rubberband ball
       brain

  
you must slowly unravel
yourself
to get
       free
again.
473 · Aug 2018
and i fall
robin Aug 2018
you’re growing
inside me
like a ****
you thought was a flower as a child
before the days your mother threw the dandelion bouquet you made her into the yard waste pile.
it was a definitive part of growing up she’d say.
im smiling but my feet are bare and the floor im walking on is needles
needless to say
i already know you’re darling
in every way
we’ve been communicating these last nine months through a layer of flesh
like we’re pen pals
you know my skin and bones like family
and I know your kicks and punches
like it’s yesterdays news.

i can’t tell you this but i am fearful

fearful of who i will become
what i have to offer
fearful of
the control of my life, the constant day to day swing of things i know I must leave in the rear view mirror

only for once
i don’t care
for once  

i
am
an
autumn leaf
t
u
m
  b
l
    i
n
   g

down to uncertainty
only instead of fighting it
i surrender.
468 · Sep 2019
Skinny love
robin Sep 2019
I think part of me has excepted that I will be alone for awhile
And it's a heavy feeling
An isolating one, but I know somewhere deep down inside my damaged heart that I deserve happiness and I'm not finding it here
I don't feel love anymore
Just distance
Resistance like a rubber band
You pull it back far enough and it just hurts you in the end
.
Empty
465 · Aug 2020
i love you more
robin Aug 2020
i have never traveled farther then where i lose myself in your eyes, tears of happiness rolling down my cheeks as i realize
there is no better place then right here, no more love in the world then the hot summer air that hangs between us
and you know,
who needs a plane ticket anyways, or those crazy friday nights
you are my one and only destination.
there is no better sight then your little blonde silhouette crumpled into a twin mattress, no greater joy inside of my heart then hearing you call for me in the morning and give me a warm hug.
anyone who ever said i ruined my life by having you early, was so very wrong.
you are the best possible place for me to be, my everyday adventure and my biggest sun ray of happiness..
you are my heart
and i am yours
and
when you are older and can understand what it means to hurt and to struggle i will tell you the stories of how i built this life for us
me and you
and when you hold me at night a little closer because you are afraid of the dark i will tell you there is nothing to fear
and when you tell me you love me
as you drift off to sleep
i will 
stroke your head softly with a smile
and tell you
forever,


i love you more
            .
robin Aug 2016
feelings wither and die
fragile like summer blooms
this we both know
still
don't know why i bother
trying to keep them alive
though
434 · Apr 2016
one eyed frogs
robin Apr 2016
you're a crack your head open addict
humpy dumpy
gone bulimic
you're a sunny side up
egg
with a not too sunny side
you're the
chicken in the
hen
who
wasn't meant to be
still born
and malfigured
you're a reject
the feeling in
someone else's stomach
that doesn't agree with them
you're the kid in the corner
who got the laughs
for being different
the one
who was always good at
telling stories
&
pretending
to fill his fathers shoes
but never really got the chance
you are the flimsy inner cell membrane
of an intricate facade
a
mere
shell
trying to be whole again.
robin Jan 2016
if there's no point to anything what's the point of trying if not to prove that were trying harder than someone else? and what's the point of that?
trying to prove to everyone you are worth something instead of actually making something out of yourself?
arent you just wasting time?
aren't we all just wasting time?
so if there's no point to
anything what's the point of not trying?
what's the point of not doing anything?
what's the point of this poem?
couldn't you argue the same thing?
i could spend my days pacing in my room
spend them crying tears over boys
or kissing and not telling
i could meet a nice clean cut man become a mom
i could go get my masters and buy a big house
but what's the point?
what's the point of fighting nature?
of preoccupying oneself with materialism? of acting more sophisticated then we let on?
yes it is survival of the fittest
the
jungle
rules
but who is the fittest?
the people who stuff there pockets with cash and drive fancy cars?
that's what we look up too?
that's what we blindly fund?
some metal melted together to form some akin machine?
why do we take pride in the things that hurt us the most?
why am i still wasting my time?
doesn't anyone want authenticity anymore?
doesn't anyone have a yearning for the truth?
does anyone still crave adventure?
we're all just recycled faces and personalities. nothing new. nothing to see here.
robin Aug 2016
it's just a means to an end
all of it
so why
waste time with the complexities
of
what is right and what is wrong
they are simple conventions
that
simple people like yourself have made to shape
like minded minds
so tell me what is the point
in trying to juggle it all
or is there a point in having no point
in dancing a dance
like a bee
with so much math attached to it
every move calculated
cant we all just
dance in our own direction on
the wind
and see where life goes
let our feet
fall into the floor
but
with grace
and a smile on your face
because you're killing the world with kindness
before it gets a chance to **** you.
392 · Mar 2016
daisy chain-ed
robin Mar 2016
hold up the things i never said
like silly string
limply attached to my tongue
shine the light on the darkness in my eyes
with a dollarstore flashlight
whisper all the lies
into my pillows that
tell me
im good enough
or just breathe
it out like
smoke on my skin
your hands
nestle into
my ribcage
like there looking to build a home
feathers fall like flaky mascara
that tickles my cheeks
and
i don't know if i ever told you this
but your hair
looks like sun in the morning
daffodils-daisies
and pretty ****
like that
and your skin feels like
what i think
rain feels like
hitting against a moss kissed metal roof
lighting bolts in the distance
playing hide and seek with the thunder
again
and
if inanimate objects could shiver
they would and it
would be
at our expense
how can you be
so
cold
but taste like summer.
safe-place-?
389 · Apr 2016
malfunction
robin Apr 2016
kiss the clouds till it pours down rain
onto
your baby skinned face
just keep milking it until
you steal every last drop
of its essence
to taste on your self righteous tongue
dont cut it slack
or it'll
take
you down a notch
be consistent
no emotion
don't disappoint
be that robot your father always wanted you to be
make him proud
daddy has the issues, i swear.
376 · Dec 2015
i forgive you.
robin Dec 2015
seemed like we were never getting back to this
but look where we are now
and look at what we're doing
still walking backwards to
meet each other's
eyes on the streets.
playing a child's game
with twiddling thumbs
and it's been almost two years
that we've shrugged it off
and
you took me to the snow
and
it was my birthday

(the reunion of the
day
you tried to **** me)

and
ever since
you kissed her concrete slab face
and smacked my pride with it
we haven't been very fond of
speaking.
we just scream with our eyes burning holes in each others
hoodies.

and i may have
deleted the texts
but i still have the broken bones to prove it, babe.
and i haven't ever tried to love since i will admit
because
everyone else's kisses tasted like bittersweet irony
and i ran away from their hands
because they reminded me of the things you left behind
in the back of my closet
and the
little ovals of purple and blue
on my milky thighs
and
forks and knifes  
tracing my skin with goosebumps
from where you took a stab at me all those nights ago
and
i'll have you and the world know matter of factly
that i said no.

and god ******* **** you.
for rotting my brain
and my teeth
with your contagious ugly
and god ******* **** me
for letting you

you will not ruin this love in my heart.
you will not take away my smile of an innocent child.
you will not live in my skin any longer.

and i?
i will not keep
searching for home in some else's eyes
and running away
and depending on other people
to keep my body warm this winter
and here i am making change
and here you are
pretending you never wanted to get to know me
and here we are
pushing against each other full force
and we're both stuck now.
i just have the ***** to admit it.
and here we are
strangers on the street
once so in love
with the thought of love.

i think it's time
i finally let you go.
i haven't written for you in a very long time
so i figured this was better than never saying anything.

my way of saying goodbye. merry christmas.
373 · Apr 2016
acid reflux
robin Apr 2016
your lips taste like limes
a familiar taste
on
my
tongue
that
you always resented
because
you only
gave me
kisses
goodbye when i left for
good
so
pucker
up
your
sour face, sweetheart
and let's retrace our steps
and dance this drunken tango
one
more time
for i am by far more
bitter
then you could ever understand.
372 · Jul 2016
hey there sprout
robin Jul 2016
The whispers in the hallways were so loud
They broke our eardrums
we both lived life muted for the longest time
You longer than me
though
I could only hear my heart beat in my head
never thought to use my brain
and you were insane
In the kind of ways
Only a man can be
And
As wed ****
i smiled through the pain
And
you'd laugh a laugh
that sounded
like a cry
And
id cry
a cry
that was silent
For the longest time
And the truth?
we buried that beside my heart and bones
Under the tombstone
that my family picked out
but it leaked out
and
It gave itself away for free
and
it all seeped  
through the cracks in your cement exterior
and I?
I was the daisy that poked up through the side walk
and refused to stop
growing
even when the odds were against it
and you?
you
didn't stop me then
and I refuse to let you  
stop me now.
robin Mar 2016
you had an
umbrella face.
always tried to shield me
from the sun
overtime it caught up
with me
     though
made me
  turn pale like
a ghost
like a child's silhouette in a fading fog
like a distant memory creeping
up behind you.
369 · Jan 2016
youth
robin Jan 2016
so small was i then
didn't hear a sound
even though
us pinecones
fell from the trees
with lots to say
but i was born deaf
could only hear
the pitter patter of your footsteps in the distance
you were always too far away
always too far ahead
and
i had
wet earth eardrums
back in those summer days
kept em
clogged up with your singsong sanctity
and all the suffocating weeds i let grow over my adolescent tailbone
and who woulda thought
i would've ended up
with raven black hair
and who woulda thought
id be kissing this town goodbye
before you said your sorry and meant it
and who woulda thought i'd still be alive today
seventeen and still counting down from a hundred
just another old soul with worn out shoes
i'm 153 in dog years
but im still breathing
so that makes me a tree
a tree with 153 rings
that lived to tell the tale
of the lonely lumberjack
who didnt know how to
love.
i am happy today
though
throughout it all
now that ive unearthed my ears from the years of catacomb kisses
and broken free of pesticide restraints  
my smile and my spine will kiss the sun.
all i ask is
am i taller than you now?
368 · Jan 2016
flora
robin Jan 2016
sunflower mane around your head
tickles your ears
you laugh like a child
rose petals fall from your cheeks
and onto the dirt floor
as
you bend down to catch the rain water
pooling at your toes
and
you're walking home in the rain
on a not so special tuesday
your hands are cold
boots stained the color of mushy gushy earth
and
you feel as though you don't belong
you feel as though
your hands are turning into
condensation.
you can feel the weight on your shoulders
as if your some type of stage
and this is how your life was supposed to turn out and
there are stratus clouds hanging on puppet strings above your head
but at this point you don't give a ****
and
lighting flickers
just above your skin
like sleepy fireflies dancing in front of an insomniacs eyes.
you close them.
and you hear the hum
like hummingbird wings beating against your silken earlobes
the world is singing
and you can feel it's hot breath on your peach fuzz skin
and it tickles your ears



you
laugh like a
  child.
365 · Feb 2016
bittersweet ignorance.
robin Feb 2016
this is some highway hennessy ****
some ****** up ****** dreamers dream
living the life the way i like, oh yeah.
and if you **** with me, i **** back
got twenty cence in my back pocket but got no sense of mind
forgot to look at the clock
and got lost in
the moment
when they all fell in love with me
and it's not hard to pretend
or to ****** for that matter
but that's not what i'm saying
and it's not even that i miss you
really
or that i even like you, because i ******* hate you
i think i just wish that my first attempt at love
was actually love
and not just us fogging up your car windows
but now since i've grown
now since ive learned
how to hide everything about myself
i can confidently say that i'm leaving love behind for good.
going to drop my heart off at the nearest train station
let it roll away in style
and hey ive never been one to take life too seriously
but
i can promise
this isn't some
gimmick
some little inside joke i have with myself
at everyone else's expense.
no,
i truly don't know where i left you and where i begin.
363 · Mar 2016
stone children
robin Mar 2016
kiss me
like the fire burning in the back of my eye sockets
the hate building up like bubbles in my brain
hitting against the top of my skull
wanting you to
just
crack me open
and let
things surface
like
a little girls
heaving
chest
full of girly sweet nothings,
gumballs and skipping stones
suddenly empty,
just another
head bobbing against the
cement at the bottom of the
pool.
360 · Feb 2016
californiacation
robin Feb 2016
you protect it
with swords for hands you hold your arms wide
closing quickly
around its body
because you are still unsure
and a bit uneasy
of what your doing
peach hands crumple into yours
and it skips with you to the garden
and whistles
'oh what a beautiful morning'
and there you watch the foxes play
and the dragon flies dance to rainbow droplets of squirting water
out of the goldfish filled fountain
and you are surrounded by topiary
and blood roses
kissing each other
like salt and pepper
granules
the roses
are covered in aphids
there petals drip like blood onto the
rain stained earth
the ladybugs were too lady like to **** all the pests
this year
so they turned their heels
and flew away on each other's backs
and the
topiary seems to stand on its tippy toes
as if it were a child trying to
look over the counter to
see the sunny side to things
and the roses are rebelling against the earth and growing towards the sun
that has shriveled to the size of a california golden raisin.
356 · Jun 2018
pumpkin
robin Jun 2018
men
of many
armies
gather at your toes like fallen leaves
whispers
autumn breeze
tickles the nape of your neck
you giggle
like a frightened child
if only it were so easy
to scratch me right off your back
like a scab
you’re peeling away but needing to keep in place.
355 · Jan 2016
crying wolf.
robin Jan 2016
wild dogs run through my head at night
and momma thinks i'm playing games
because she doesn't see it how i do
she doesn't feel it like i do
i can hear their paws tearing up the sod outside my window pane
chasing their tails to the end of the line
the end of their days
and
panting like a bunch of *****'s when they get there
hot breath sending smoke signals to the moon  
as if to apologize to there ancestors in the stars
for leaving so soon
and i see them sitting on the hill
again
hear them outside my window at night
they can see me through these walls i'm held captive in.
they can see me.
they can see through me.
just a wolf in sheeps clothing without them
they can feel the fire in my heart
the craving for something more than all of this
they beg me to return to them for without me they are nothing as well
but i'm told that i need to make a living out of myself.
i'm told to kiss and not tell.
i'm told to cry when no one else is watching.
and
it's been twelve years
and i've already fallen in and out of love with the moon and the sun
and i've already kissed barb wire fences and ****** like a feral cat
but momma still thinks i'm playing games
when i tell her i don't understand why things have to be this way
because she doesnt see it like i do
she doesn't feel it like i do.
351 · Apr 2016
hydroplane-------
robin Apr 2016
artic pole vibes
     on summer days
       covered up
          with
             loving coos
                that were blanketed by
                   a cliche
                     dozen roses
                      left by my sorry excuse for               a gate
        you can deny
           any aspect of
                 you living
                      in my heart
                          but you can't not look     me in the eyes when you pass me by
              and
we both walked out of a wreckage, old friend
        only you walked out unscathed
the first time
funny how life throws you curve ***** though
       maybe now you
feel
what
it feels
like to be on your knees
                                   coughing up blood to feed the reaper
                    maybe now your ears are ringing
                 and your chest is
heaving with a seatbelt pressing up       against your neck
                and your screaming in your sleep next to me again
or maybe it was just me.

or
maybe
it wasn't.

maybe i was too quick to assume


maybe
then
we both died too.
Don't you love stories that never seem to end?
340 · Nov 2016
sick child
robin Nov 2016
i've rationalized every rational explanation
told myself every side to every story i didn't want to hear
you see i've made myself immune
i've conditioned myself to the human condition
madness is a malevolent concept
but if you embrace it, it holds no ill power
this sickness i stole with ***** fingertips
this sickness is me
it rocks my world
but don't ever love a sick child
a sick child like me
its an empty love, like a ghost
someone who's hardly there
in the head
hanging on by a thinning thread
while pretending they have it all together
it's the human condition
the lies that drip from the roof of your mouth and form pools of saliva at the tip of your tongue
and im
looking for a sour truth to digest
something to wake up my senses
from this self preservation indoctrination
accepting the truth as fleeting as it may be
this sickness it controls me
has the wheel, it throws me
it's a certain uncertainty
a
deathtrap
an endless maze inside a maze
im a rotting cage
and i play sick games with myself
i like the feeling of not feeling a little too much
lifes a tetter totter
and your
getting thrown back and forth into extremes
and you are not a silly coping mechanism
you are not a doctors hand sanitizer hand outstretched with a pill
you are something malleable
you are something i could destroy
but i don't want to break you down into nothing
you see that isn't my intention here
please believe me
ive just hurt myself so much
im unsure ill be able to tell the difference.
I was almost convinced I felt something
336 · May 2016
Leach
robin May 2016
I am everything you desire
Am I not?
I've passed all the tests and we've played all the games imaginable
But I still win every time
and you wonder why
But don't protest as I claim my prize.
I hunger all the time now
More so then I feel you can even satisfy
I worry all of my effort will be worth nothing, because someone else has already ****** you dry before me
That's why I'm always present in the backsplash
Always watching.
Playing puppet
even though I'm the perpetrator
surrender your skin to me
you indiscriminate fool
fall
asleep beside me
like only an ignorant child can do
let me watch
your heaving chest in sincronitzed snapshots
try to understand what it all means
in a blink of an eye
A glimmer
A refracted star, mere mirrored light in a sky kissed with abundance  
Let me trek my sharp nails over the monotonous journey of your frail fore arm
Draw some blood
But just enough to get by
335 · Aug 2017
J
robin Aug 2017
J
im sorry that you feel like i blame everything on you
that i never cared, or put in enough effort
i'm sorry that i couldn't give you what you need
i couldn't give myself what i need
either
im sorry that you love me so much you can't put it into words
and that im your everything
im sorry that neither of us know what to say when we need to hear it.
im sorry that i can't be what we need right now
im just falling apart
and i feel like i'm doing it all alone
im sorry my *** isn't big enough
or my **** aren't perky enough
and that im not good enough
im sorry that i talk so much about my past
im sorry that i hurt
i'm sorry that you hurt too
im sorry that i don't approach things in the right way
im sorry that i don't know how to help
im sorry that we both drag each other down
im sorry that you think i care about money and things
im sorry i got uncomfortable around your friends
im sorry i drink too much
im sorry i get afraid of things
im sorry that you feel like i didn't accept you.
im sorry.
326 · Nov 2016
the human condition
robin Nov 2016
its a push and a pull
a ricochet in the steady pool of time
an equal balance
demons run around
on their hands and knees
and angels dance in the clouds
and laugh at all of us
and the truth
its a distant memory
only the gods know.
only the stars can tell you.
but here in present tense, evil runs amuck
faces of
humans but not human entirely
they are of a plastic substance
silicone mimicking skin
they smile
with smiles so bright they can light cities but all they do is burn them down
they wreak irrevocable havoc
on the lost souls
the governments pawns
the ignorant children who live in the limbo of
unconscious consciousness
because it is a balance
you see,
your emotions blind you
and once you accept the human condition  for what it is you are free from your shackles
you see this realm of existence is bitter
the truth is bittersweet, hard to find and never satisfying for long
it stings your ears because its not what you want to hear
but it is what it is
and it is a game that you are programmed to lose,
a state of consciousness, awareness and acceptance.
it's all on a measure of what you can tolerate
and what your psyche determines is too much for you to handle.
cognitive dissonance so to speak.
if you let nothing affect you nothing ever will
good people
die
bad people thrive
and sometimes all you know to be true gets turned upside down
because it is a balance
a scale
never tilting too far to one side
before the universe resets it
there are casualties but they are a casual thing.
your life is how you choose to see the world, however jaded it may be
this place can be wonderful while simultaneously frightening at every turn in the road
but ultimately it is all a façade, an image of what you want it to be
this modern world is but a mere distraction, holding up mirrors to our many faces, telling us to strive for unattainable perfections to keep us from asking ourselves the real questions
to keep us entangled in its corporate web of cell phones and lies and miles away from finding out the truth until its too late
and we're too old to do anything about it
we watch and we wait
like children in an amusement park
anxiously awaiting our turn
biting our nails nervously
watching as the world around us falls into place
following our mind maps, our inner compass
awaiting the chemicals in our brains to determine where to go next
we are afraid
unescapably afraid
but we have our
feet at the edge of our seats, you see.
screaming with loud triumphant voices
incoherent words
echoing off empty walls. except no one hears you.
because ultimately you are alone, for now and forever
in the four walls of your head, it is safety, it is a maze, it is where you retreat at night back into yourself, you are your only solace
no one knows you as well as you know yourself and if you don't know yourself you don't know anything
this life is what you make it, to do evil or to do good
in the end
none of it matters except for what were doing in this very moment
the sun blows up
we all die
little bits of human confetti
floating in the great expanse of the universe
and everything we have ever done will be blown away and obliterated.
we are intelligent animals, with beautiful brains and plumage but we are only animals
sophisticated as we may be
and
to the government we are less then that
our lives are estimated to be worth only five million dollars
we are cardboard cut outs to the higher ups, mere window displays, it is a type of politically correct anarchy.
if you look at life through a logical lense, and keep your word small
you begin to understand
compared to the bigger spectrum of things we are minuscule, yes, your feelings, your memories, your deepest desires.
meaningless.
but in this very fleeting moment
they
mean
absolutely
everything.
ying and yang
319 · Jun 2016
crop circle
robin Jun 2016
cup your hands into the porous soil.
dig deep.
build
an enclave
to shelter yourself
from
the rainy season
that's a comin'
let the rows of corn grow inbetween your ribcage
in perfectly semitrical lines
and the roots become
your prison to die in.
318 · Jun 2019
rosebud
robin Jun 2019
my anger will not stop me from being a good person
everyday I wake up with a full heart and a list of good expectations
I don't know how often I have to stress this, but people grow.
you will not be the same person you were yesterday, tomorrow, or the same person you were last week, and its okay if not everyone understands that.
those people who knew you, once knew you but you are not defined by your mistakes or shortcomings
your objective on this planet is to grow, become a better person who makes better choices and not everyone will see that or choose to make better choices for themselves but it is your and only your responsibility to not lose sight of your purpose.
Be kind to others, we are all on a journey that no one knows anything about, no one of us is better then the other.
Fragility is not a weakness it is a different kind of strength
Knowing that things in life will and do hurt and embracing it at a healthy distance is a very real part of growth and acceptance of your small role in this world, compared to the greater scheme of things. I tire of our societies definition of strength and everyone's apathy towards people who are struggling. Working a nine to five like a robot does not make you strong, enduring the pain of life and letting it change or emotionallymcripple you will not make you the strongest person in the room either. It's the stuff no one ever talks about, If you want to know real strength not the kind everyone pretends they know everything about try Embracing your natural sensitive and empathic nature you will learn it is not a crutch like everyone wants you to beileve it is a different kind of awareness of the world it helps you challenge yourself and only in turn grow stronger.  
We are inherently sensitive to our surroundings, and when we are watered with happiness and sensitivity
We blossom into something beautiful.
help other people become better humans so we can leave a better world for our children
317 · Apr 2016
Iterum
robin Apr 2016
must have been
the bath water
us kids
we're drinking
back then
or
maybe they
poisoned
the wishing well
long
before
we
we're even born
or
maybe this is something we are simply plagued with
forced to walk around
on
splintering tooth picks
for bones
stilts
built
for tip toeing around problems
and
navigating through  
dips and turns
and
this is what we were born into
this is the way we were raised
this is the way we are bred to be
sophiscated skin suits
walking-talking-dolls
filling our parents shoes before us
just another number
just another melting face in the dim lit city streets
but i can't help feeling like a
rabid animal
in a suit
a
Clawless tiger in a cage
the
anxiety running rampant in my veins
every time
I have to sit here and listen to the hum of the phone
or the daily gossip about who ****** who
there is a disease inside me
must be
like a bird hitting against a slider door
a repetition you can't get out
of your
skull
as much as you
try peeling away
at the
parts of you
that are fraying
and coming undone
when the night comes
and everyone goes home at night
you end up laying in
your
bed
praying for another day
of this
but why?
and
how?
do
i break the cycle
before the cycle
breaks me
316 · May 2017
phantom lake
robin May 2017
the waters cold
the tips of my toes tell my brain
but today i am sad
and the sun is shining
so i show rationality the shore
and walk on the wild side with the waves
high tide sweeps me off my feet and onto my throne of seaweed
it draws me closer
deeper
sings me sweet songs of forever
as it opens up its blue mouth big and wide
i swim closer
through sharp rocks and wrecks and calloused coral
eyes wide
eardrums dancing to the hypnotizing music
i am neck deep in salt water now
open cuts litter my arms and legs
i ignore the sting of reality
nipping at my toes
like colorful reef fish
i open my arms wide to embrace the cold fully
and i no longer feel the chill
i have grown use to
it
i have grown tired
the sun is playing hide and seek now behind the clouds
it's color a dull yellow
like a blinking light bulb
slowly dying
the water around me is a dark red
the world around me growing dimmer
my eyes flutter close as i lose consciousness
i dream of the sun returning to kiss my skin with the same intensity of before
the cold keeps me company, cooing in my ear that everything will be alright. cradling my body like a mother would a child.
sharks circle below
a hungry frenzy
of teeth and scales
the shark creeps closer
it sinks its teeth into your calf but its numb from the cold so
you don't feel it at first
then
without warning
you're pulled under and completely submerged in coppery tasting salt water
it stings your nose and eyes
and all the gashes on your arms and legs
you reach your hand out
ask the cold for forgiveness
for assistance out of this mess that it's baited you into
but the cold laughs in your face
tells you, you were a fool for falling for it's manufactured kindness, it's imitation of warmth  
then the bite really hits you
that's when you feel the pain
it's a defective, decrepitude creature  
it doesn't understand.
it swims in these waters everyday it is use to the cold
and you are a stranger only knowing of the sun

**you must learn to swim
or
you must forgive yourself.
robin Apr 2019
empty
like a cloud
tears raining down on the people around me
i am numb
like frost bitten hands
piled under snow
alone like bitter midnight winds
with their chilly embrace
hugging you deeply.
i sleep in a pile of leaves. my bones leave their imprint
but no one can tell i was ever there
my heart is the crinkled mess of leaves at the bottom of the pile
if i told you i wanted to die would you believe me
would you be able to forgive my selfishness?
307 · Feb 2016
parasite.
robin Feb 2016
it's cold out here
and i'm standing outside of a window
looking in on all of you
the ones who i love so much
and this is what my whole life is like really
watching life go on through a slab of glass
and you
over
there
the one with eyes as blue as mine
can you see me?
do you see the boulders on my shoulders
do you know what it's like, really?
there is snow surrounding my ankles
out here
and i'm walking farther from the window
and growing colder by the day
if you feel the same way i do please say so
now
lord knows
if you wait too long you may miss your chance to save me.
303 · Jan 2016
lunatic
robin Jan 2016
oh and i'm just a stranger now
maybe i swore off love too soon?
i've been living with grizzly bears in caves
ive been living my life on the other side of the moon.
oh and it's been awhile since i've seen a friendly face
so will that face be you?
oh and it's lonely out here
tonight
but you won't see me cry
not even a single tear
will be shed
to remember me by
because when you get as old as i feel
and your bones grow paper thin
your patience is no longer here
just past tense of what could have been
your milky eyes will open for the first time in your life and you'll realize there's just no point when you're alone
truly alone
still stuck living on the other side of the moon, the moon.
300 · Jun 2016
water bug
robin Jun 2016
swollen fists
swooping down like swallows
to kiss your pond water skin
the ripples transcend
as your knuckles rip through  
to the bottom
of
the pond
that's filled to the brim with laughter
that's full of tears.
292 · Dec 2015
the weight of you.
robin Dec 2015
i could leave.
right now.
go to the
south
change my name
and pack my bags and forget
all of this ever happened
like i want too
so badly.

i
am
ready to go.

whatever it takes.  
    
this isn't the life i want to live
not here. not with you.
i don't want to waste a second longer as i grow a second older.

i'm a tumbleweed by nature
never calling one place
home
too long
i've known this since i was fourteen and felt like the deserts of california understood me
when i told the mountain tops
about the live i've lived and they laughed along with
me.
and my suitcases are packed
and at the door
waiting
for me
patiently.
like a dog on a leash.
but
my heart is a cinder block stuck to the floor of this house
the question is
should i leave without it?
291 · Nov 2017
dreams float like feathers
robin Nov 2017
Street lamps flicker like lightning bugs
low on juice
the light barely makes it out of the thick city smog alive
these blinking lanterns stretch for miles
in different directions
leading to new faces and different places and the taste of home on the tip of my tongue.
there is a whole universe beyond this highway
trees that poke holes in the clouds
And blanket the earth for hundreds of miles
they are hidden behind the fog
of the neon city lights and marketing billboards
with cheeseburgers and casinos and naked women plastered on every street corner
everyone is so distracted by the humdrum buzzing of the city
They swarm like bees to a hive  
Slaves to the machine
They are corralled into a certain way of thinking
so the elite that hide behind the curtain of sustainability and everyone else’s best interest can feed off of the ignorance the rest of us helplessly and unknowingly exude
These people are children, they are your parents maybe, your second cousin, your elderly neighbors who are blinded by there patriotism and there old habits that they can’t see reality transpiring right outside there window
people do not like to feel anything we don’t consider pleasantry
we want to ignore the bad feelings and expect instant gratification for everything we do
Forget about the cold outside and heat our houses
ignore the news because the consequences of our actions are too much to bare
so we blame it on someone else, something else far off in the distance
To distract ourselves from the fear that rattles profusely in our ribcage like a cornered snake
these people
are not educated on how to fight the system
they are taught to distract themselves with the new iPhone X
because the easiest thing to do is run when you’re in a corner into something that is soft, and warm and smells as sweet as your mother
something that absorbs the sharp blow of reality
so you don’t consciously have to.
However
there are a small few that have broken away from this way of thinking
we are told our virtues of minimalism and sustainability are unrealistic
We are labeled dreamers
laughed at
because we don’t dream in Hollywood lights
or corporate cubicles
we are the few that stare longingly into the trees past the city and dream of what’s more
to come then this mundane day to day
dragging our feet.
We are the wind, the momentum to break free
from the cold slab maze of brick wall thinking
that companies and capitalism has brainwashed us into
We must have strength
We must have courage
Even in the darkest of hours for the darkest of people  
to live by our virtues
and stand up for what we believe in
We must have discipline and live by what we say
We must lead by example
We must never stray from our purpose no matter what our parents tell us, no matter if we are told it is unrealistic or things will never work out for us in the end. They will.
We are already being forced against our will into a standardized way of thinking
Subjected to worse social punishment by the majority
it is social suicide to step out of the cultural conformities of the western civilization.
but we must.
the western mindset is a man eats world mentality
one percent of a pie
feeds off of the other 90 percent
economic canibalism
the one percent have bought there way to the top
Sold souls below them to the highest bidder
the other ninety percent of the pie
we will continue
chasing paper
like we’re chasing highs
to determine our self worth
we must break free from this toxic way of thinking
we must put an end to buying our selves clothes we don’t need and expensive foreign cars we don’t even know how to drive
Or else the cycle will continue
We will rack up mile long receipts over things we tell ourselves we need to live comfortably when we don’t
and they will win
If we keep quiet and sit still like we’ve been told to, and grow up the way it’s been modeled for us by the other cookie cutter members of society
that small slice of the pie will win  
and the rest of us
will pay for our tickets
to the end of the world.
The world has lied to you, get angry..
289 · Jul 2019
wander
robin Jul 2019
kiss me soft. kiss me soft like midnight rain.
barely there
absent most of the time
actually
hardly there in the head
in your head
only in your head
could you exist perfectly
everywhere else you're a mess
let's face the facts the line ends exactly where it started
everything is just simply a beginning and an end

fix my mind
make me a happy child with a wildflower soul
fasten a sunflower mane around the nape of my neck with a safety pin
safe, keep me safe in the dark hours of the night
hold me while i cry out to yesterday
as i remember all the times that slipped through my fingers

break my spine in two, make music for us to dance to by the fire
and i will tell you the whispers of the world  

hold me where your heart is, show me the way, into you.
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