You were the one thing that stopped the chaos from cluttering my head
The light that lead me some place happy which could of been anywhere
Especially when I knew I had your attention
And yes, I had your attention
Your eyes locked in with mine
And alcohol set the mood with anticipation and lust
Now I filter options quicker than you were when you had changed your lovely mind that night
The bar was a haze of raspberry kamikaze
You were a smile away from eternity
Yet it hurt to try from fear
Games hurt when you lose them
You leaving hurt worse than that
When will be the day when I can break the silence?
Because for the record...my excuse was selfish just like me
I can only watch your life in pictures and hope for you to know
The real reason between what happened and if only...
Was  I loved you and didn't know how to show you the way you have with her
Structure, balance, innocence
A chance to settle
When all I know is roller coasters and tidal waves
When all I was in between
And know all you are is a memory... Or maybe even a dream

~

Naked?

On an island
in the midst of the crowded street
Traffic lights blink
as colored tear drops hit the pavement

One way signs
all seem to point in your direction
casting aspersions,
via black and white arrows

Sidewalks filled
with throngs of gawking onlookers,
mouths wide open,
peering from the side of their faces

You hang your head,
chin against your unclothed chest
and you see
not one, but two shadows on the asphalt

Suddenly you are
draped in the finest cloth money can buy,
shielded from the audience
who now divert their attention elsewhere

Turning, you see a friend,
naked, as his clothing now adorns your body
waving to the crowd
proclaiming…I have faced the same fate

This morning I made my shield.
Last night I knew it must be.
Laying there after,
I knew.
Never ask a friend in the sheets
what you mean to them.
Especially not after.
But foolish I was,
yet this fool turned pain to wisdom.
I woke and dressed, looking back with an ache in my heart.
It always comes back to this:
my vanity,
my need to be important,
to someone, some man
rather than myself.
It is the gap in my armor.
I strode out into the yard,
there I sacrificed myself to myself.
The blood painted the wood
the color of my heart.
I nailed it with heartbreak and rejection,
and polished with old tears,
it shone.
Battle ready, fear left me.
The shield was new
but the strength was old.
Upon my arm it would ever hold.