some songs
bring back
feelings
I
thought
I
had
forgotten.

sometimes,
I feel like a flower.
other times,
I wilt.

Sometimes my stomach
feels as if it is eating my insides

Sometimes I hear music
and it reminds me of you

Sometimes I sink to my knees
and wish I was just good enough
at least to be used

I cannot drink coffee anymore
without
forgetting how to breathe.
because
every sip I take
tastes like your smile.

You said,
That I could bother you
At 2 am
When the horrible feelings come back.
But now it's 2:07
And you're not picking up your
Phone.

Put a flower between my lips
And light it like a cigarette
So that I may still be beautiful
As the life burns out of me.

losing him was like winter.
the nights became longer, he became a stranger, and I could no longer breathe.

Every day I sit here
Picking apart the weeds of my being
Wondering when I will begin
To see them as flowers.

You were scared of a movie one night
Your mother sat on your bed
Reading aloud from a book of magic.

Now
You sleep with the magic under your pillow.

You went away to be better
Left the magic in your bones
Now your mother reads aloud
From her mind
Through a cell phone.

Somebody
Touched you
Where you did not want to be touched.
Where is the book?
Now you are living with a scary movie.

Now you are living with your skin
Your tears
Your soul
You are living with you.

But even as the stars
Are reflected in your eyes now
I look at them and I wonder
How something so beautiful
Can make me so sad.

I know you said that you'll
always be there for me.
But I guess you didn't understand
that I needed you
with me.

I'm getting bad again.

Did you mean for that to happen?
Did you mean for my heart to shatter?
Did you mean for me to cry so hard I thought I was dehydrated?
Did you mean for me to lie awake at night and question the memories?
Did you mean for me to go over our last conversation over and over?
Did you mean to take a part of me when you left?

Did you mean it?

I like scary movies
But I hate being scared
And I guess that's how
I feel
About
You