I want to be your 911 and your favourite childhood blanket and I want to be your goodnight instead of your goodbye.
I want to be your favorite pair of shoes and the air beside you so that I'm always next to you and I know you're comfortable.  
I want to be my parents' "I knew she could do it" instead of their "she's not trying hard enough."
I want to be my friends' safety net and not their other 24hour emergency hotline-dial-me-when-you-need-me. I am not temporary.
I want to be a girl who smiles because the world engraved laugh lines in her gentle face and not a happy pill trapped mistake.

But I will never be those things.
I will never be those things because, in your eyes I will be the last cigarette in every pack that smells and tastes so good, but hurts your chest in the most unforgivable way.
But I will never be, for you.

War kills
not just bodies
but souls
while in its wake
leaving hearts emptied
with holes

The spirit of men
ruined by trauma
it's clear
they look to tomorrow
and tremble
from fear

For what it will bring
these men
never know
often like Jekyll
and Hyde
which one will now show

War
is pure hell
for all that it touches
and there's no hiding it
with a million
airbrushes

Let my love bleed
let me leave my lipstick on your neck
Let me wrap my hands around your neck
Now it’s your turn, boy

Let my love die
Pull my hair and bite my neck
Hit me and whisper you love me
Stay with me till the morning

And I will take my clothes off
And my body is on fire
And your neck kisses are so earthly
Yet so heavenly
Because it’s irespressible passion

Let my love burn
Let me hit your head with a gun
Let me smack your neck
Now it’s your turn, boy

Let my love drown
Swallow my howling tears
And drown me in your sadness ocean
Drown me
Drown me

And I will take my clothes off
And my body is on fire
And your neck kisses are so earthly
Yet so heavenly
Because it’s irespressible passion

And I will take my clothes off
And my body is on fire
And your neck kisses are so earthly
Yet so heavenly
Because it’s irespressible passion

most of the time
I'm not aware
where you are
or how you feel
and this should be a good thing

I know you told me to leave
and I know when I put up a fight
gripped you tight
you got mad

so I am in the right
I need to leave you be
I also need to be strong
importantly I need to move on

yet the darkness I succumb to late at night
is like a calendar
reminding me
its been so many hours, days, weeks, and months
since I last touched your face

and oh
I crave your touch
your husky voice
in my ear
saying
'i've got you'

now I have to find another
to catch me
whisper 'you're safe'

i cry during Bambi
you cried in your car after your high school girlfriend tried to come on to you

you and i--
we wouldn't, but--
tonight
or tomorrow
or the next day
we could give ourselves away

we could shoot white deer together in the mountains without a license
the blood from their heads would make cherry snow cones in the powder
and we would have fun savoring the flavor
watching something innocent die

but how would we feel the moment it was over?