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RisingUp Dec 2015
A documentary watched
Displaying the lives of the broken
The tortured

We are able to understand physical abuse
But mental abuse,
Is pushed to the side

And so the mentally ill ride this never-ending tide
Of stigma, misunderstanding, misinterpretation

You broke your leg? Get a cast at the doctor's.
You have a sore throat?  A quick strep test will work.
A voice in my head tells me I'm not good enough and shouldn't eat....

Asking an average person gives you the average answer,
What? How can you not eat? That makes no sense.
And thus you're pushed behind a fence.
Dealing with your thoughts and flaws internally
As you fade for what seems like the rest of eternity

For most, it's impossible to comprehend
How one could hate themselves so much
That they'd rather be thin, or smart, or pretty,
or else have their life end.

Depression, schizophrenia, anorexia nervosa
Bipolar disorder, bulimia, obsessive compulsive disorder.
Diseases of the mind
Cures which dedicated people are trying to find.

Yet until then they live with these conditions
And people's misconceptions

But if just one person lends a listening ear
A non-judgmental interaction,
They can provide help to many far and near.
RisingUp Dec 2015
I am not adequate
I'm never enough
For my own expectations
Which are incredibly tough

My imperfections and flaws
Are pointed out, for sure
Mental slave drivers don't pause
From their enduring hurt

Yet these expectations are invented by me
Nobody else says I'm not enough
From this mental state, I'd like to be free
I'm tired of this self-battering stuff
RisingUp Dec 2015
They whisper in my ear
Preying on a fear

A fear of not measuring up.

Listen to me, they say
Your failures will go away

You'll be special and exalted

They tell me I'll be amazing,
better than my peers
For restriction is an achievement
Regardless of the tears

Hunger is control
Control is the answer
Nobody understands you anyways,
Listen to the internal master

Remember how you hated yourself?
Despised your reflection in the mirror?
At least when you were sad
Your "perfect body" brought you cheer.

Yet despite these promising phrases
I know the impending hazes

So I will fight this easy path
And free myself from this wrath

For I am special in my own right
because I have something to give
I can help others
I choose to live
RisingUp Dec 2015
For the first time
In a long time
I step foot through the door.

To the exercise class I did so much before.

The room covered in mirrors,
Used to induce my greatest fears.

But now, things are different.

I look in the mirror, don't love what I see.
But know for a fact that super thin isn't me.

Just before the class is about to start,
A sight entering the room makes my eyes dart

The sight of a girl, thin as a rail, frail, ailing.

To others she may look thin,
But I'm able to see the disorder within.

It brings to mind a different kind of mirror.
How I used to look, sick and scared.

My heart cries for her because I know the pain
What it feels like to believe you deserve to wane

Our society glorifies fullness in bank accounts and objects,
Yet objectifies thinness, imperfections are faults.

Yet another emotion emerges from me,
I'm glad I'm no longer sick like her,

Will she seek recovery?
RisingUp Nov 2015
The demons are cackling
My self confidence is crackling

Weighing
     down
       my
         heart.

My disobedience they mock,
These imperfections are a shock.

As they shatter me apart.

Trying so hard to excel,
to be dropped in a well

What is any of this for?

To wallow in error,
Reignites the horrible terror.

Really, you should accomplish more.

They whisper negativity,
Prey on my insecurities,
Diminish my abilities,

A never ending cycle of not being good enough.
Not measuring up.

Perpetual exhaustion.
Perpetual dissatisfaction.
Perpetual degradation.

To fight this fight
To win this war
I must stay strong.
Let the positivity roar.
RisingUp Nov 2015
If I told you

My past

Would you run and hide?

People tell me to wait

But, now I think it's your time to decide

Will you understand my struggles?

Probably not, I fear,

Those piercing thoughts that ******* me

When I'm standing before a mirror

I also fear

My fragility

The delicateness of my mental state

For if this goes much further

And I reveal my true state,

It's better for you to run now

Than wade too deep, then escape.
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