Sorry for my heart.
The way It feels deep.
The way my head spins when
I think about thinking.
The way my scars stick out
For the whole world to see
That I ****** up.
The way I used to listen to those
monsters under my bed.
Telling me I **** because I'm Me.
Then I realized it was all in my head.
Tie a rock to my foot
And throw me in the ocean.
Because That rocks gonna sink ya!
I said," No way, man."
Because this rock, this rock
Is a diamond.
Tied to my foot so our hands are free
To reach up and Tear down the moon
And leave a hole in the sky,
So heaven can shine through.
Sitting on a bench in a park
didn't teach me the art of hearts,
It taught me,
That spiders aren't so scary in the dark.

I want my Grandmother,
to be at my college graduation.
I want my Grandmother,
to write me letters while I'm away.
And if you won't let her,
Take me back to when I was a child.
Sitting in the sun on Grandmas lap.
Catching fire flies while she sat,
around a campfire with my Grandfather.
Telling stories of how they first met.
I want my grandmother.
Dear Cancer,
I want my grandmother.

That girl
Is skin and bones
Takes long drags on her cigarette
Makes funny comments
About not eating
She's mysterious and vague
And she's not real
Eating disorders are not fun,
Or cute, or romantic, or tragically beautiful
There's nothing romantic
About worrying about
Your breath smelling
Of ***** while kissing
Someone you love
There's nothing romantic
About seeing an expensive dinner
Your boyfriend bought you
Swim blurrily in the toilet
There's nothing beautiful
About rotted teeth
And hair growing on your arms
If you think this is beautiful,
You can have it in exchange
For the ability to do basic things
I need in order to live
Like ******* eat  
It's not beautiful
To never feel beautiful
And never love yourself
So when we see ribs on a girl
And you see romance,
I'll see her ribs
As a cage
Keeping the pain in

I can still taste you.
I can still smell you.
Night falls, and I can feel you.
My throat closes and
I start to sweat.
I am in that house again.
The only light comes from
Ellen on the TV.
I pack you up, and
Breath you in.
She says slow down.
I say why.
She says I don't need you
Dying on my couch.

I just want to cry.
I close my eyes.
The tears dried up three years ago.
My heart, the piece of gum on the bottom of your shoe.
I only say I love you
Because I know you won't say it back.
Maybe I just like the sound of that.
Nothing. Your silence,
Breaks through my fortress.
Pokes holes in the theories
of the should have's and maybe's.
It was never meant to be
she says as she walks away.