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redruMAndTea Oct 2017
It started in the seventh grade.
You were young and I was young and I think
we can both completely agree that we were
pretty dumb and ignorant.
It was your voice I think,
that really brought me in.
Sweeping me up until
I was hopelessly and mindlessly
wrapped around your finger.

It wasn’t like honey.
and it most definitely wasn't like
“Sunshine on a cloudy day.”
It was dark.
Dark like midnight skies twinkling with starlight
and warm cinnamon that stings pale
Lips.
It was quiet like mysterious city alleys littered with
brazen homeless people,
sleeping in fetal positions on the streets.
Like hurt and joy and youth and indifference from the rest of our peers.
But that's the catch.
You were different.

You were beautiful in all your youthful glory and wildness.
Adrenaline spilling from your presence; sweeping everyone up along the way.
Taking them with you.
Smiling and laughing and dark eyes twinkling
Like that of the stars nestled deep in your voice.

And then there was I.
The shy, extremely indifferent, and mostly awkward
middle school girl with too many freckles
and too big glasses that filled her face full.

Your name passed the coven that was my lips
like a sacred secret
too many times to be sane yet,
did mine ever pass yours?

I aspired for you.
Only you.
Yet you never did for me.
Unrequited love, my Dear.
Unrequited love.
redruMAndTea Sep 2017
My teardrops don't flow from bloodshot eyes
down angry red cheeks
staining yellowed pillowcases
black with sorrow.

Collected in a leaky pen
with rusty metal cap,
they form words on
crumpled notebook paper.

Silent cries
build T’s that don't cross
and from the womb of weeping winds
come forth Y’s that curve at their tail.

bleeding heart, whose
tears dissipate with that of a child's day time fury.
But bleeding scripture,
is quick to injure
as it weeps its words
forever and eternity.
redruMAndTea Sep 2017
nobody ever “got it”
they didn’t seem to understand
that it was never about the drugs
they saw a waste of space
a low life teen
surfing on neon hallucinations
they saw angry decisions
blackened by ash
and a years destruction of a
pill bottle’s attach
said we should have listened
harder to those programs
the cunningham family ones
they show at school
the ones that showed us
drugs were “bad”
but those **** things
failed to inform us on the “noise”
the “noise” that would soon fill
the space of every broken
dream, promise, or heart.
the “noise” that weighed
down on us kids
that didn't end once it had
hit start.
they failed to mention
the pain and the stress
they lied and never told us how
life, school, parents, everything
was forever one big unsolved mess.
like a knife it slit into our souls
bleeding tears and dignity
we leaned over bridges to try and catch
our childhood memories
but we kept bleeding
losing ourselves in a void of darkness
falling
falling
falling
deeper into a blackened abist
and so we kept falling,
trying desperately to cling on to any branch
anything.
until our shaky blue fingertips kissed
softly against an ecstasy.
a cure
and finally for the first time sense as
long as we could remember,
the noise was no more.
redruMAndTea Sep 2017
You like to draw.
To make art.
I could be your paper.
Make me into art.
Sketch your every feeling,
memory
and hurt.
Into my blue hands,
and rose cheeks.
I wouldn’t mind.
I strive to be your
Art.
redruMAndTea Sep 2017
It's like this strange wiry sensation that taps the nerves just below my skin
Starting in the awkward curve of my temples, running down my spine, settling in my toes
like a sudden burst of uncontrollable rage that plays dormite in my head
And for a second, just a mire second, I completely lose my mind.
My nails dig deep into the frail flesh of my palms.
It’s called anger management I suppose.

— The End —