I may cry
when you pass.
don't be fooled
it's not for you.

It's for the father
I should have had,
the father I deserved.
That's what I'll grieve
not you.

Never you.

What's there to miss?
I can do without you
making me feel awkward,
ignored,
an inconvenience.

Can you understand my view?

There were no cuddles
for me,
no tenderness
or tender words.

I did not even want you
to 'give me away'
on your only daughters
wedding day.
Escaping abroad
escaping feeling ignored.
You lost all rights
to hand me over
to another man
that would protect me.

You never got that right
did you?
Couldn't even protect me
from yourself.

So I sometimes think
about your health,
you, drinking yourself
               to
                    d
                      e
                  ­      a
                          t
                            h­

Not sure how much more
your old and bitter body can take

and I wait* ......

One ring to rule them all, One Ring to find them,

One Ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them.

Three rings for the Elven-kings under the sky,

Seven for the Dwarf-lords in their halls of stone,

Nine for Mortal Men doomed to die,

One for the Dark Lord on his dark throne

In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie.

One Ring to rule them all, One Ring to find them,

One Ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them

In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie.

It's three am
We're walking the empty beach
Lovers are the only people silly enough to be up at this hour
It's six am
We're crashed on your best friends couch
Curled up tight because there's barely room for one, let alone the both of us
It's nine am
There are pancakes and strawberries, almost in edible because I'm known for burning everything I touch
You eat them anyway
It's twelve pm
The sun makes the world too warm, so we stay inside in our underwear
Wasting the day away watching stupid movies
It's three pm
You've fallen asleep
And I've taken to tracing the lines of your face with my forefinger
It's six pm
There's champagne and flowers and a warm bath
My lips burn from all the kisses
It's nine pm
Your words are full of honey and brass tacks
I never knew something this sweet could hurt me so
It's twelve am
You're gone, slipping out the back door as soon as my eyelids close
You won't be coming back
It's three am
I'm screaming on the bathroom floor, struggling not to open the medicine cabinet
I don't know how to handle the pain

I will arise and go now, and go to Mount Djouce,
And I will climb and surely fall,
Until I no longer stand so tall.

Alone or with you,
I shall lay there;
On grass as soft as my bed,
To relax and stop the thoughts in my head.

I hope to have some peace there,
Away from everything and everywhere,
As I gaze towards the distant horizon,
The grounds a murky green and the sky is a perfect blue.

Perhaps I will think of you,
As I enjoy this beautiful view,
A blur of green and blue so true.

I will arise and go now,
And I shall exit without a bow.
I feel the cutting breeze go through me,
I hear the birds as they fly freely;
While I sit here in this room,
And silently await chaos to resume.

A cruel reminder of the passage of time
Is the old utility bill.

This day last year
It arrived fresh
With an amount more than the previous year
But this year it looks cheaper.

Cost of my living rising
My utility diminishing
Except to her

*She needs me by the hour.