I look around at the world around me.
I don't see anything worth loving about myself.
I've given up on being a decent human being. I'm never okay.
Some days I can't even wake up without being in pain.

I sit up on my roof and admire the stars...
They're wonderfully brilliant,
Sparkling like sapphires,
Rubies, and quartz,
Radiant gemstones, and
Jubilant amethyst.

I await my turn to fall into the abyss,
But it's not yet,
And won't be for a while to come.

I leave my house for the last time
And prepare to drive for the last time.
I planned where I would go
And how they would never find me in time.

Soft rain pours down the windows
As I pull out of the driveway.
I look at the hazy world around me in awe
Of how dreamy it looks.
Suddenly I don't want to go anymore.

Life may just be worth it again...

I wish to be tossed
Onto the soft, rich topsoil
And devoured quickly
By wriggling worms and insects.
I wish I was dead.

I think about you
Before I close my eyelids
And drift off to sleep.
Dreams consume my simple life-
What I wish happened-
Holding your hand in mine
Or imagining
Falling asleep in your arms.

I can't cry

So I crack my skin and force it to for me