Over time I transitioned from books to drugs.
I used both for the same reason:

to escape.

I remember you are always there for me
Sometimes I couldn't see

I remember your love was there for me
I always could see

I remember the way you patched my boo boos for me
We would blow together on my knee

I remember you feeding me
I knew we had little money but you did it for me

I remember you kissing and hugging me
I'll never forget they was all for me

I remember you laughing with me
We'd laugh for hours just for me

I remember the books you read to me
You'd read book after book and taught me how to treat a book just for me

I remember how sweet and perfect you are to me
You taught me how to be kind to one another just for me

I remember going camping and fishing and taking those catfish off the hook with me
You only did that for me

I remember you showing me how to be a great friend for me
You are my best friend to me

I remember everything you knew you taught me
You did it all for me

I remember that you tell me you'll always keep learning for me
You did that only for me

I remember every time you say I love you to me
I knew it was always for your love of me

Mom I remember everything you are to me
I love you and that's from me

Look into the mirror.
Look at your reflection.
See the beauty that is you.
Tell yourself that you are strong.
Tell yourself that you are beautiful.
Hold your head up high.
Love yourself.
To love yourself is to love yourself as a whole.

I love each and every part of you,
Piece by piece,
Atom by atom.

I fall deeper into this darkness,
And as it tries to consume my every thought,
I feel your nails digging into my wrist,
Your fingers only tightening your grip.

I'm coming undone,
All the progress I've made,
Slipping through the cracks
In my surface.

Most people can't feel anything
When they get this way.

But I feel everything.

And even though I feel
Burdensome
And
Unwanted,

I also feel
An intense love for you,
Even still.

I just want you to hold me closer,
To hold my hand even when it's over.

These medications let me sleep through the night,
But they also make me want to sleep through the day.
I'm sorry I can't be better
In any way.

But I know you only hold on tighter,
And I know you just want me to get better,
But I'll never be 100%.
I'll never be entirely okay or normal,
Just as close as modern medicine
Can get.

But maybe if I let myself trust you,
Maybe if I open back up,
I can still be the me
That you fell in love with.

Or maybe I'll just fall apart,
Piece by piece,
Atom by atom.

I push away the ones that try to love me
Because the way I've been loved is painful to see
So please dont try to love me i have no clue how to love you
I runaway from love thats just what i do
Love don't love nobody all i end up is hurt and in pain
Wondering why I chose to love you faulting myself I take the blame
That pain that i suffered from love in my life
Caused alot of heartache and unbearable strife
As a child i had no one who truly loved me
I was a sacrifice as a child for my family to live free
I ranaway from the painful situation I was in
Ran into a older man who beat me to show his love for me within
I never knew that love in my life would hurt this much
I never knew that love will keep me within lusting for that touch
What i tried to do is bury my heart so it cant be hurt again
Not knowing that there's a possibility a person can try to mend
The feeling that if pain is love i don't want it at all
Everytime I was loved by anyone i always seem to fall
I guard myself from love or anyone trying to love me
For me love is a choice not to be taken for granted is how its supposed to be