It's 11 am
...
I'm fighting depression
....
I'm loosing...

I'm sorry

I lied
I needed you

Revolt when
I ask you for
help

Lost words
Untold story's
Whispers

and truth

You and                me
Two years ago       to this day
I got some thing  amazing like never
Held it in my hands for the first time
It burned so bright and felt so pure
I was so scared but so at piece
Please don't break it......
You gave it to me......
I gave you mine...
Our heart..
Our soul.
Love

Addicted
I can't get enough
Needing it
It hurts with out it

I can't sleep with out it
My hands shake with out it
It hurts so bad
There is no getting over it

Why did I start
I can't help it
It's so wonder full
There is this wonderful tingle

The rush as I see it
I feel my heart beat faster
My legs get weak as I get close
And I feel a smile creep a across my lips

I would fight for it
I would die for it
I can't help it
I don't care

Hate me
Judge me
Condemn me
Because I am addicted to a feeling

It was all I ever needed
All I ever wanted

Just

All

I don't really know how to say, I don't know where to start

All the little things you do make me smile and warm my heart

Years
All This time
I have wanted so much
and yet only one thing

Years
I remember them well
So long
Like a prison sentence
So painful
Every day counting down one more day

Years
I wanted to hold you in my arms
To feel your body next to mine
And feel my lips against yours

Years
We waited
Knowing the day would come
I never let you know my heart was breaking

Years
I wanted one thing
Never giving up hope
It made me stronger

Years
How much longer must this torment go on
The clock ticking slowly on
Tell me how much time is left before I see you with my own eyes

Years
No...
Days
Then hours...

Days
I can't believe it
So close
I tremble at the thought

Days
My nerves cant take the excitement
Its almost here
Are you ready

Will you be there...

That moment

When

You realize

Batman is a

......

...

.

A furry with anger issues

Blade dragging across my flesh
Faster and faster
Swift and steady
Not feeling a thing
Dancing as it tares my skin
Drops of blood
Like tear drops tricking down
Black blood
Cold and dead
With out feeling
No pain or joy
A hallow doll
Able to feel nothing
But relief

Meet me under the blossom tree
The moon light shining
In the dead of night
Soft whispers
Dancing under the stars
Where no one will see
So won't you meet me...
under the blossom tree

Broken bits scatter the floor
Was it a puzzle or a toy
Damaged and shattered
It all crumbled away
In hallows and gaps in the world it collects
In the shadows where no one can see
Long time passes days or years
But the broken bits are me

On  this day
In some ways
I feel like a monster
Or maybe a ghost

Looking in on this world
Made of glass and light
Reaching out slowly
I touch it's delicate  surface

Entranced by its beauty
This glass figure I am draw to
I try and lift in to the light
The glimmer making me smile

Slowly it breaks
I try to stop it
Panic with heart racing I struggle
"No God please no"

What have done
I destroyed this beautiful world
That I held so dear
Is no more then dust

With blood weeping from shards
And tears from my eyes
I lay in the shadows
Looking at the world I once had

Made of glass and light
I held it to close
And held it to tight
Leaving it dust and shards

I am the destroyer of worlds
Of lives and of love
To be the monster
This is my fault...

...this is my fate

by the way
I am here

by the way
I know it hurts

by the way
I know it is hard

by the way
I wish I could fix it

by the way
I never left

by the way
I will never abandon you

by the way
What can I do?

by the way
I.. miss.. you

Lost and cold
This path does twist
Alone in the dark
I hear your crys
This path we had
Your voice breaks
Cutting the silence
I know you you try
Your words a whisper
Still it wonders to my ear
Soft whimpers of pain
I would race to find you
But this path is yours
You must find it
In the dark
The gray and the black
You try to stay strong
Not letting prying eyes see the hurt
Keep moving forward
Step by step softly tread
There is nothing to fear
I swear my love
The night is frightening
And the light may be low
But look to the stars
See upon the moon
There is hope
But that is not your light
For I know you
And I know your heart
Your soul is a fire
Stomped and beaten
Helplessly broken
They crushed that flame
In your will and your wish
I feel it, soft and light
Wither and weak
There is a cinder
A spark of passion
Left for dead in the dusk
I call to you
Don't let your heart die
Your life is a flame
Hold your spark
That drop of heat
Close to your chest
Don't let them see
The beauty inside
The spark needs time
A loving breath
Then slowly
And all at once
A flame
Stronger
You will burn
Light up the gray
And chase away the dark
I know you can
You are stronger
I know you
Burn bright
Forever and forever
It will guide your way

Against me I feel her
Shifting from side to side
Is she scared
No, she is thrilled

But no words are spoken

growling in her ear
I put my hands on her hips and move her to the bed
with a push she falls on her back
she pants

But no words are spoken

My body slowly moving over her
so close as he hands slide up my chest
pulling at my shirt
our lips pressing together in a kiss

But no words are spoken

pushing me back a little and lifts my shirt over my head
trailing her nails down my naked chest
leaning in I kiss her as I pull her dress away
is this what you want baby I ask my self

But no words are spoken

My hands move softly over her body
soft and smooth like a rose
I lay her on her back like dropping a flower on the grass
Looking deep in her eyes

But no words are spoken

Kissing me she wraps her legs around me
Her breath panting she wraps her legs around me holding me close
her nails digging softly in to my back as if to never let go
are you worried I will leave now I wonder

But no words are spoken

Our body intertwine
Shifting as the last of the fabric that bind us is shed
I am so close to you
I feel your heart racing as you press your body to mine

But no words are spoken

Your neck, so soft and inviting
My teeth locking to it as I softly bite
Looking down I see the marks on her flesh
Looking in each others eyes as if to say I claim you

But no words are spoken

Our body's now now connected
I know you inside and out
But I didn't know this tell now
We have so much together

But no words are spoken

Shifting, we move as if one
the heat and passion
as if dancing to music
The beat getting faster

But no words are spoken

You look up at me with glowing eyes
Your lips parting
A soft moan of excitement
Still it looks like you will cry out

But no words are spoken

Your body tightens around my
I feel it with in you
your pleasure coming to a ******
You look in my eyes as if to ask me if you can

But no words are spoken

I know you
Its not enough you have yours
You fight it wanting to be with me
This I know

But no words are spoken

A little more
My hands gripping you tight
I feel it so close
and with out warning the rush

But know words are spoken

I am pressed in to you hard
I feel the release
and see you toss your head back
Allowing your self to give in

But know words are spoken

Panting and getting weak
I lay in next to you
Pulling you in to my arms
I look deep in your eyes so lovingly

But no words are spoken

There not needed
You know my heart
you know my soul
You know the three words I want to say

But no words are spoken

Code of the wolf:
Protect your family.
Honor the elders.
Teach the young.
Be loyal to your friends.
Voice your opinion.
Stand your ground.
Take charge when others show weakness.
Play when you can.
Work when you must.
Always leave your mark.

Coke
So good
Snorting
So tempting
The high
And the thill
You never intend it to do so far
Its all fun
It was all games
I slipped
Now know my pain
Coke
So easy
And simple
Tell the ice cubes get stuck in my nose

As the days move on
Life feels like a dream

As the joy fades away
This dream becomes a nightmare

With out passion
And with out purpose

This cold feeling
Crawls over me

How is a person to fight it
When there is no fight  left in there heart

So now I wait
In its cold dark grip

Waiting for what?
Salvation or death

I do not know

Crumble
Falling apart
Reaching as the ground falls
From be ninth your feet
I fail they fall
Slipping away in the dark
Reaching out I watch every
Disappear in to the void
Crying for help
Never seen
Unheard the dark took them
Is this my hell
To watch every one I know vanish
Friends fallen away
Family dead
Is this my torment
To stand my ground
To test me
Seeing how long it takes
Before I through my self in too
This pit
Where it all crumbled
Or..
Is it more
Am I the reason
It all fell apart
So here I stand
Alone
Looking in to the pit
Of discard
And wonder
Is this the moment I
Fall

We dance together
Moving perfectly
In the dark with out fear
Your body guides me
As this candle burns away
The sun rising
And the music stops
The dream ending
But I am a shadow on a wall
Or am I some thing more
Then an illusion of the heart

Playing in the darkness
I dance to the tune
Watching the clock tic
I listen to the tok
Its strokes moves me
The shine of the moon light my partner
Its soft glow moving around me
Never touching it
I close my eyes and feel the cool breeze
I inhale deeply as if it where my lover
Its smells as the nights of summer
My feet in the grass
Swaying to the beat of my heart
The stars shine over me as tho they where guiding me
My skin touching the soft dew
Shivering in the cold
I move faster
My heart beating fast
Racing keeping me warm
I spin in the between moon beams
Almost perfect
The shadows dancing with me as I glide
A vale of dark moves in closer
Fire fly dot the woods
The chirps of crickets sing out
Faster I turn
Faster I move
Leaves from the trees kicking up in a swirl around me
Owls pear down watching my every step
The echo off the rocks and trees are all I need
The light of the night sky brightening the darkness
Why be afraid of the dark when there is so much good in it
Why hide from your own shadow when there is so much pleasure in it

Why do I wish
....
I was
....
dead
....

This poison
I feed my soul
Like blood dripping
Burning my heart
Killing all that is weak
Making me empty
Dead inside
Tell all that is left
Is pain and darkness
This is me
Because when dead inside
Your world is not alive

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again
and expecting different results.

~

Albert Einstein

Creature
Born to hell
Do you have a name
Did you have a dream
Demon in the shadows
You where human once
Beast of hell what makes you fight
Do the fires hinder or fuel you
Monster of the under world
What is your story
When was the day you had purpose
What happened to your soul
Twisted and black even the flames of hell warm it not
Heart of ice and hard as stone
What brought you to this place
Did you ever know love
Or hope
Not this pain
Oh Demon of the depths what holds you here
With binds so tight and scars so deep
What keeps you in that place of torment
Demon of hell who are you
And in a soft whisper he answers
I am me
And my binds are my own
This hell is home and is all I remember
These hallow walls are my friends
And the shadows my embrace
This pain my reminder
Of a sin I forgot
Of the name I have lost
This is me and all I am
So run, run and never look back
For the things in the dark
May reach to hold you in love
But there arms will smother you
There lips do kiss upon you
But the venom of there love does ****
A monster is a tragic thing
Reaching out with loves hand
Only to wither and rot that which they touch
The worst hell of all is one of loosing the thing you love
Eternal
I am a Monster a Demon
Please run
Before I destroy you

Demon in the dark
knowing full well
the fear and terror

Still knowing your soul
I feel your hear beat
Step by step

Watching you stumble in the dark
Catching the blood on the wind
Crying out in pain

But I am not the monster I thought I was
And not the monster other see
I do this for you

Hiding not moving
Refusing to rush in
Out of site and mind

This is your trail
Your adventure
Your life

And tho it hurts to not show my face
Or cheer you on or pick you up
I know your strong

I have watched you grow from a scared little girl
Lost in the dark and consumed by fear
And tho now you fear.. what I am not sure..

And as you grew I saw the strength grow too
But now this is your life and your fight
You need to cut your way through it all

Just know this
I will always be here in spirit
cheering you on

And you will find your way
this path is not all pain
There will be light

At the end of this night

Last night you made me smile

I dig
You dig
He digs
She digs
We all dig

Its not a wonderful poem I know... But its deep XD

I am not alive any more
I am a ghost
I walk on a network
I have no face, no name, just a handle and pixels

When did I give up on the real world
When did I trade grass and sky for wires and signals
When did I decide that a screen name was my name
When will I figure out the code

Was there a reason for it
was there some thing that fixated me on this screen
Was there some thing there to hold me
Was I hiding from some thing called life

What happens when I crash, am I still there
What happens when I am gone
What will become of all that I left behind in ones and zeros
What if I end it

Unplug
Switch off
Delete this world I wove for my self
Watch it all tumble down with with the click of a button

Is this the end of my
Is this the end of my screen name
Is this the end of every thing I have come to know
Is this digital suicide

I sit here looking at the words.
The keys that ask the ultimate question
There is no going back
"Yes" or "No"

Could it be that simple
Could it be that easy
Could it be just two ways
Could I do it...

Dreaming of sun
The loft warmth smiling
The most beautiful eyes
Glitter like stars of calm night
The soft wind a whisper
Telling me to be calm
Nurturing and pure
Inspiring the best to grow
This is Summer to me
A loving memory
The rest filled night
Soft touch of hope and joy

This is the Summer I remember

How many times will I sit here...
...and watch my dreams...
...turn to ash

Before I blow away too

Drifter
The nameless shadow
Watching but never seen
Ghost of man
His heart
Cold

Where do you go
And what do you seek
Does any thing hold you
To this world
Or the next

No more he cry
No more will I be
Simply with out purpose
Alone in the dark
Homeless

This world
May not have a place
Or reason for me to simply be
But no more will I be
Just a ghost

With these hands
And with a heart of stone
I will chisel a place in the earth
For me to be as I am
Home

This feeling
What I have done
The rush of pride as I see
This life I have made
I have it.. finally

A home

Screaming in the dark
But no one here's
Then a sound
Heart beating fast
Is there hope
Waiting
Watching
Nothing
But the dying echos
Falling Silent
I am alone
In the dark
Waiting
Watching
But nothing
Except dying echos

The color of rage
The color of anger and of blood
But not all in ones eyes need be so cruel
Passion and pride exposed
The heart and of love
Eyes of red
The perfect balance
Of heart and soul

Fear
the bringer of unrest
It challenges you

Twisted
It bends the truth
Like a bent mirror

Afraid
I know better
It screams the truth

Blinded
I need to step back
To see the the picture

Scared to move
The pain that has been
And the pain that might be

Unsure
I have never been afraid
Tell now alone I must stand

Clarity
But with fear is truth
To see the  fact

Truth
There is nothing to fear
But fear its self

I need to remember
How to fight
I lost it
The rage in my soul
That carried me
Day to day
I found some thing
Reason to live
Now  what
Maybe I will fight
For the fight
But hallow
My heart crying and linging
Barry it deep and silant
Shutting down
But this is who I was
Not me now
Changed
I need to learn to fight
Not the pain or for others
I need to fight for me
My heart
My soul
Keep fighting
For me
I'm worth it..
..I hope

Watch it all slip away
Failure that old formidable word
Knowing there was nothing
And no hope in the end
Perfect in its form
As it fade

Flawless Failure