I hate writing these. This will be the third time. This will be the last time. Summer, My dear summer. I know things got messed up bad. I know I was at the center of it all. Now people say I don't care about you. About your happiness. That all I do is try and manipulate you. That I have always just tried to use you. That I never loved you. This hurts me more then you could ever know.  I know this is going to be long. I need to say it tho and I need to say it right.

We have been together as friends for as long as I could remember. its now been 5 years I known you. You where 14 and your Dad had just died recently. You where there, in Gypsys room. She brought me there to meet this family. There was you and Lexi. And you where shy at first. I didn't really know what to say.  You where scared. Scared of most men for good reason. But after a while you came and you pounced on me and cuddled me. This is where it all began. Do you remember?

You where so sweet and so innocent and so wonderfully helpless. It didn't take long to love you. And I don't think it took long for you to love me. I would come online and I would count 1.. 2.. 3.. 4.. 5.. and there you where calling me to spend time with you. You where family. You where my friend. You where so amazing. At that time I was in a dark place. And so where you. I was full of anger and I was cold. But when I saw you smiling that all melted away. The only time I was angry around you is where I was watching people be mean to this girl with a huge heart.

But years past and things changed. Things grew. Friends came friends went. I was there night after night talking to you. Picking you up when you where broken. I was there when you smiled and I was there when you cried. When you where broken and all you could do was cry and begged for death I was there. All I ever wanted was to be there for you. And tho it killed us. We survived. And I may not be proud of my self for much but if its true you survived because of me I am proud I saved an amazing soul. The world is a better place with you in it.

I have had the privilege of watching you grow. And when you became older and more matured so did our feelings. Some if not every one thinks that's a line we shouldn't have crossed. I could not help it. And neither could you. But I did fall in love with you and I know you did love me. We became more. Some thing I never knew two people really could be. I am glad I could find that in you. Thank you for loving me. For making me feel like I was worth it. You Are such a big part of my heart and I know it hurts like hell to have the person who made such a big impact and who has such a big part of it to not be there. But it is what it is.

I know I have not been perfect. I know I made a lot of mistakes over the years. You say I am human, that I need to let my self forgive my self. I know your right but when you hurt some one you care about deeply it slowly eats you alive. I remember the day Gypsy said I hurt you. That I made you hurt your self for what I did... I was in a dark place.. I was thinking of destroying my self when you came back. Now I am being told all I do is hurt you. That all I do is damage you. That I made you feel like you where not good enough. That you felt like I piece of meat, Summer I am sorry I am sorry for all the times I hurt you and made you feel like less.  I wanted you to feel like a queen, an angel like the drop of sunshine.

You are beautiful. You really are. You have the biggest blue eyes and the most wonderful smile and when you got butterfly's and how your cheeks would burn. I would count and tell you when I hit 1 you would smile and you would beg me to stop. I wanted to see you smile. I wanted to make you happy because when you where happy nothing else seemed to matter. Please be happy again babe. Like that. Like how you would get all excited I would sit up late at night and write you long winded letters to you telling you how I feel. Because you made me feel so much when all I knew before was pain. Thank you for that. Thank you for giving me some thing good. Some thing to remember.

I hope in the years to come I left you with some thing good to remember. I hope some thing I did mattered to you. I know I taught you to fight and I tried to show you how to be like ice like me and just shake it off. Maybe I finally succeeded. But I hope you have some thing better. Some thing good.  I wish I could have done more, had more time to share things with you. I wanted to take you to art classes coz I know how you loved to watch me draw and how hard you where on your self. I wish we could have gone swimming under the moon light like you wanted. And even tho there are so many things left undone I hope I pray I left you with some thing good. Some thing to hold on to and be proud of. A happy memory. A story or a song.

I know I am braking a lot of promises I made to you. I promised I would always be there. I promised to keep fighting for you. I promised I would always do my best and to never loose sight of you and to not let you be the one who got away. You made me promise these things to you. You did. I know I can't. I can't hold you back I can't try and keep you. You have things you need to do. You have your family there and tho I was going to move there to be with you I know that I could never be a part of that. I promise tho. I don't hate you. I never could. I promise that I will always keep a little bit of your love forever in my heart and I promise even tho life is not the way we planned it last year I promise I will do my best to be the best I can and try to be happy.

Summer, I took you under my wing. I cradled you and I put you back together after all the pain you had been put through. That is how I know you inside and out. That is why I know you when no one else seems to. You always said I gave you a bit of my soul to fix your own. I could not have given it to any one better. I know you will make me proud. You do make me proud baby girl. You came so far and your going to be a nurse. Your going to be making other people so much better. I am proud of you. But for you to do that I need to let you out from under my wing. I need to let you fly away. So fly baby. Fly as high as you can and never look back. Sing your heart out and be the good woman I have watched you grow in to. I will not be there to catch you tho, and you need to learn to pick your self up when you fall. I know you can. I know you don't need me to do that any more. You are strong. And I know your brave and you have teeth to fight with. I know, I have seen it. I have felt it from time to time. I know you are going to be ok.

If you ever get lonely my spirit is with you. And you always miss me remember.. what was it you said, we are under the same sky.. or was it stars. And one day when the day comes and I am dust in the wind I will look down on you and smile. Who knows maybe in the next life we will find each other again, maybe we can do it right.

I may not be able to hold you like I wanted to do with my own arms. I may not ever look at you with my own eyes. I wish it wasn't that way. I could have held you and shown every one that I truly do care for you. And tho we need to say goodbye I remember we always said forever and for always.

I will miss you. You where such an important part of me I know you will make me and every one around you proud.

Good bye my little fox you will be missed
Forever and for always
Danny

Gargoyle
Silent protector
Watchful guardian
Carved in stone
Looking down
A creature of faith
Gargoyle
Eternal creature
Holy crusader
Righteous monster
Dark champion
Forgotten hero
Gargoyle
Eyes unwavering
What is it fight
With teeth so razor sharp
You will unshaken
Do you have a soul
Gargoyle

I am in bed
I don't want to move
The alarm screams

GET UP!

Its warm
Its soft
I don't want to move

GET UP!

I want to stay
I want to stay
But I have no choice

GET UP!

You need to work
You need money
So you can change your life

GET UP!

Just a little longer
Just a little more
I was dreaming of love...

GET UP!

Time is ticking
Time is running out
I don't want to move

I'M UP!

But I would rather lay here
But I would rather stay warm and safe
And dream of love

Summer, Baby girl I said we need to talk. That is the last thing I ever got to say to you. I wish I could say what I need to to your face. That you where not so scared to face me. That you could hear my voice one last time. I feel I deserve that. To be able to say good bye one last time, to be able to know you one last time and hear your voice, But you refuse. I am to let go but never be able to say good bye the right way... But you wont so this will have to do. There are so many things Summer. So many things unsaid. So many things never done. So many dreams left unfulfilled. I wanted so bad to hold you and feel you in my arms, to dance with you and to be able to look in your eyes with mine, No glass wall no screen. To be able to walk hand in hand with you and be able to tell you I love you with out having to be so far away. I wanted to make you smile and bring you flowers and be able to see you blush and giggle and be able to rest my hands on your cheeks and feel the warmth. I wanted to show you what was inside of me. I wanted to prove to you how much I love you. So many things left not done. Another thing I really wish.. I wish I could have shown your family who and what I really am. The man you know I am and not the lies they where told. I am not a monster I know this. I thought I was. Hideous unwanted ugly and abandoned. You showed me that I was not and even tho you hide from me I know its not because of that. I am not the monster. I am just a person with a heart who fell in love with some one else. I did not choose it nor did you. It just happened, Our hearts touched and we made a connection. I know you where young and you still are in many ways. The things I ask you are not ready for. Its not fair to either of us. I wish they could see that. I know I say I dont care what people think of me and that I could not care less  if they don't like me but honestly that was a lie. I do care. I care because they have been taking care of some one I care about very much I wanted to prove to them I was not what they where told. I wanted to thank them for giving you life and making you so wonderful. I wanted them to know how I have always been there for you when you cried and how I always told you how beautiful and amazing you are. I wanted them to see you happy and know that every day I try my very best to make you that way. I am not the monster in this story. They pulled you away from me to try and make sure you where safe but honestly.. I dont blame them, I just wish that if they had an issue they would take the time to know me because they don't realize them and I are on the same side. I wonder what they would say if they new all the little things I know. All the times I saved you and you saved me. I wonder if they ever thought about why you have that tattoo on your wrist and if they figured it out that it is about those darkest days how we would sit there and your demons would try and bring you down and we would fight them together. You and me, we survived together. I know your not going to forget me, or those days. The things we got through. I know when you look at that tattoo you will think of the wolf who was there in the shadows helping you find your way through the dark. I am proud of you baby, I really am. I am proud of us and the things we got through. I do not care what any one else says.. it was worth it even if this story has to come to a close we made it in the end. You are stronger then you know and you are right you don't need me any more. Please be proud of your past. Please learn from it and realize you are stronger now. And when you are old and grey and you look down at those scars that have faded and the mark on your skin remember at on point in your life that you where loved, even if I am dead and gone you have been loved unconditionally fully and wholly. I could never hate you, I could never not want you. I will never slam that door shut. Even if you are sitting there and trying to rip pages out of the book of your life I will never do that to mine. I am happy when I think back to the five years we have spent as best friends and the 2  years we spent as more. I will read back and think of you. The beautiful amazing girl with the blue eyes who showed me how to let my anger go. I will never forget the little fox who would not run even when every one else wanted to or those who wanted me in a cage. You came to me and curled up in my fur, This black blood stained wolf and showed   him he was a good and pure silver underneath. How could I ever let go of all those happy memories.  But this is now and you you want to let go, you want to stop hurting for me. Today I write this is at midnight of our 2 year, The same day it all started.. some thing poetic in that and tragic thought. Knowing I am there is making this hard for you. I am not trying to breath down your neck I am not trying to hurt you. I am simply wanting to destroy the last scrap of what ever it is that is left. You know just as well as I that even if I stop fallowing and I will still be there. The wolf, in the shadows and maybe more importantly the man who had a place in your heart. You will always have a place in mine Summer and if you still want to have a place in my life I will always be here. I am sorry I make you hurt but there are so many things I wish I could say, like how the idea of all the things I gave you going in the trash makes me break down crying or how my life is changing for the better even with you gone or how it frightens me the idea of the rest of my life with out the one who called me her soul mate. So many things still.. But know this.. I do love you baby, forever and for always some where in the dreams there is a little fox and a wolf with a scar on one eye playing and loving each other. I am not trying to fight, I have done as you ask and done my best not to msg you. I am not trying to fight for you I am simply enduring being with out you, this feeling of being only half. I put the things up online because they make me happy when I remember you. I am not fighting, I am simply enduring. It hurts not to speak, to be silent but I do it for you. Because I love you. Because it is what you ask. I will always love you and care about you. So be proud and be strong and if you ever need me I will be there.

Your wolf forever
Daniel

Once upon a time, in a land of shadows. There was a wolf born to a cave. His heart was good and pure. His eyes burned blue and bright. His name was Ranger. But Ranger did not choose his pack. His family. He was born to a Mother and Father wolf who had very little, the land of shadows had not been kind to them. For he would have had five brothers and sisters. But sadly all but the oldest was slain. Cut down before there time.

So as this young silver wolf was playing in the shadows and looking for things to fill his day his parents where teaching him to fight. Training his hard for the life he would endure. The woods where no place for a kind hearten wolf. Day after day they pushed him to be harder. His fangs growing sharper with every passing day. His other siblings struck down. When he asked why. All he was ever told was this is the way of the world son, You fight to live or you roll over and die.

Long did this time pass and he had grown to be a beast. I hardened scared wolf, fur black with blood stains. He was a monster like no other. Merciless he hunted alone, Never needed any one or any thing. He felt only rage and contempt at the world. For all the pain in him. All the hate he had felt. He was a wolf with a heart of stone

One day well travailing in the darkest part of the woods he would hear crying, whimpering in pain. Slowly keeping to the shadows he would see a young fox. Her body cough up in thorns. Slipping closer he investigated. He turned to the shadows and thought about simple walking away. But that cry that whimper, he turned back to see her. Tears rolled down her cheeks. Her eyes big and blue sparkled helplessly in the shadows. Slowly he stepped closer, and dug in to the vines of thorns and freed the little fox and expecting her to run away in horror. How did you end up here he would ask her and to his surprise he she told him she was hiding from her family that had hurt her so bad. So laying down in the soft earth he wrapped her in his tail and gently licked her wounds.

When day came he found her again in the place she was last night, softly wagging her tail waiting for him. Fallowing him she would smile and hide under him and playfully jump on his back. Then as the sun rose she would scamper off to the field where she was from and every night she would find him. This powerful and deadly wolf.

Day by day and night by night she warmed his stone heart. Made it burn so bright and pure. His black blood stained fur became a bright silver as he stopped fighting. His deep red eyes burned blue. His heart had been saved and his soul little bit by little bit became hers.

Years past and there nights became routine but never dull. He would smile seeing her and would hold her so close. As the years went by he would notice she was no longer a little pup. She was an adult now. Sly and stong and fast. But her family knew of him. The stink of this wolf was all over her. They raced in to the woods finding him they ripped in to him. They dragged her away from him  as she cried out I Love Him. But they did not care. They knew wolves where not to be trusted and even tho his fur was silver, purged over the years of his cruel ways. The smell of blood lingered on him. Harder and harder they attacked him until she ran off. Under cover of moon light. Her eyes dripping with tears. Her heart heavy in sorrow. How could she watch as the family she loved worked hard to destroy the one who stood with her and kept her safe.

She ran and ran and ran. And even tho she is gone she can still hear him at nights howling at the moon. Howling for the love he lost and the pain he had felt. For he loved her as well and no matter how far away they are they will never forget those dark places that where there home.

I love you

I feel them
There sound
In the shadows
Scurrying around
The monsters are under foot
They wrap around me
Calling me master
Whispering in my ear
There devilish plans
Lets have some fun they beg
They can't go in to the light
But run wild in shadows
I made them
The darkness is inside me
I spawned them
Yes fun I reply as I look at my self
My hands are not mine any more
Hard to the touch and razor sharp
Corrupting every thing I touch
What will we do when the sun sets
I look at them with glowing gold eyes
To see all smile evilly at me
Because they know
Its what ever I want

Hand stretched out
Offering
Reaching

Slapped back
No
Never

Slipping further away
Insalted
Hurt

Knowing why
Sorry
Sighing

Never forsaking
Always
There

Always caring
Always
There

I may take your attck
I may fall
I will get back up
I will swing for your face tell I am standing over
I will win

I wonder if you miss me.
The way I miss you.

I wonder if you think about me.
And then remember

I wonder how you are
I can almost see it

I wonder what the world holds for you
I want the best for you

I wonder why it seems like a dance
Moving back and forth

I wonder how it could have been
Do you think of it to

I wonder what I did
Must have been horrible

I wonder if there was another way
I would have liked to see it

I wonder if you know I still care
I want you to know that

I wonder if you know how sorry I am
I never ment to hurt you....