In the night I go to places  
my day self fears to tread,
Where secret aches and longings claim
their space inside my head.

Too easily I lose the fight  
Give up my self control,
Yield reason, faith and innocence
to yearnings of my soul.

In the night I steal past conscience  
to find my terror tree,
Pick a poisonous fruit that tastes
like life and death to me.

My closed eyes are forced to take in    
all that I fear to see,
I’m drowning, bleeding, burning the
frail bones of inner me.

The spell breaks when I awaken
fractured or still the same,
My mind revealing or hiding
what I can’t bear to name.

I.

No, don't go now. Please
don't go now; the fog is creating ghosts
out of people and we're breathing clouds out of our mouths.
Tell me about that time when you held your breath
under the lake for six years and still survived;
tell me how if I do that, it'll never work.
I'm not a sea God
any more.

II.

My knees tell better stories than my tongue
ever did, please don't; wretched hive harangues
the mind in a plague, can't you see I'm holding you down
and telling you you're all I ever wanted,
you're all I ever wanted; your head is the stuff of dreams
you're all I ever wanted; you can put your arm
right through me and only feel mist;
I am fog. I'm creating ghosts out of you.

III.

Make it up to me in a rainbow of hues of grey;
at the end of it I'm holding my ribs open. I've never
been more colourful and sad at the same time.
You're the mirrors to my house; stay
has always sounded better than don't go

yet neither seems to work anymore.

See I'm so self destructive
Hurt anyone one that comes near
Love is still one of my fears
Gathered up so many tears
Told myself I would change
And I started to grow
Feel like this time around, I'm not the one who's at fault
How can you be so in love? Then suddenly become distant strangers
To mend a heart is so much trouble
That's broken, torn and mangled
I swore that things would be different
You and I in a position
I tried to get you to talk
Impossible for you to listen
The writing all on the walls
Break up hyroglifics
Two people who've become distant
A lot of pushing and resistance
Our souls didn't mesh well - why do we keep trying to mix it?
I'm walking away
You're screaming out loud
No one wants to say sorry because their pride is too proud
How come it never worked out?
We will probably never know why...
But you can't heal what was ready to die.

(Hook)

You deepen more of my sickness
Just stared at me like a witness
You stretched out my demons
Put me through hell's fitness
I swore you were the cure
I finally healed when you left
Could never breath around you
I finally caught my breath.
I'm not opposed to love  
I'm opposed to deception
But what I've learned in this life
The last one is your most valuable lesson
You can learn from the past
Or get stuck and stay lost
Too many fish in the sea to not reel up and re toss
These days I'm slowly overthinking
At times you may cross my mind
How come it never worked out?
We will probably never know why...
But you can't heal what was ready to die.

(Hook)

I thank you for showing me something
That I didn't see back then
Don't need a response from you
Don't care to even be friends
I'm just liberating my mind, finally releasing my heart
Having full faith in myself and let time play its part
You've turned me into a brother - mama said she has a better son
Sometimes we forget to see all the good
that comes out of each outcome.
I found purity in someone else
I promise not to push her away
Because unlike the past
She sees a future with me
Learned to swallow my pride
Stop looking back at my mistakes
Realize it wasn't truly love
Just two people who made a mistake
But I can't help to wonder...
Always be a feeling inside...
How come it never worked?
We will probably never know why...
But you can't heal what was ready to die

~¥€€¥~

I wonder if they remeber me
if im a force to be reckoned with
if when I speak I change atmospheres
or does no one really care?

Do I fill people with emotions
and do I cause a change
Am I someone people are scared to lose?
or someone no one wants to gain

I have lived my life
not wanting to have these questions answered
I have just always been so scared
that I have to come to terms with being normal

again