Sometimes I have to cry.
Not because I'm sad.
Not because I'm happy.
But because I live in a shaded grey.
Always in between and never touching the end of each extent.
And when I think of you,
I cry.
Maybe I cry because I'm not with you at the time.
Maybe I cry because I miss you.
Maybe I cry tears of relief,
Thanking this universe for giving me love like this.
Because I've been neglected.
And torn apart like paper.
Maybe I cry in fear of losing you.
Maybe I cry in fear of having you.
Maybe I cry to relieve my anxiety.
My anxiety from an unknown cause.
I never know why I cry.
Maybe I never will.
But maybe,
Sometimes I have to cry.
Just because my twisted mind enjoys the feeling of these sheer tears that are filled with so many emotions as they're strolling down my face.
These mixed, jumbled emotions I can't sort out.
Some people say that black and white is all they know,
But I never knew black and I've never known white.
But grey...
Grey has walked beside me for years
Letting me taste each extreme,
As if that ever benefitted me.
And I,
I always stay in this area of grey.
It's the only place comfortable for me -
Someone who has felt both sides of two opposite ends.
Cause if it would let me leave, it knows I'd remain here.
Not because I'm sad.
Not because I'm happy.
But because it understands
That sometimes I have to cry.
And I'll never have to give a reason,
Because I live in a foreign place of unmade up minds and mistakes.
This place I like to call grey.
Which has gave me a home to store my imperfections.

I'm a ******* handful,
I told him when he met me.
I told him that it's important that he'll never ever sweat me.
He forced me to open up and then went on and read me,
And now he's upset because he seems to regret me?

I warned you, I'd tear you apart like a gazelle and I'm the lion.
Do you not remember conversations that resulted in me crying?
Do you not remember arguments because I kept on ******* lying?
I was ******* terrified yet you still bothered trying.

See, you thought you were the fix it man,
I intigued you 'cause I'm broken.
So you did your best to put me back together - softly spoken,
All the joking, ***** choking, you tried to make me open
Which just made me close up more, with your shoulder always soaking.

In the past, they didnt throw rocks - *they threw boulders.
I trusted so much that it has made me grow colder
'Cause I refuse to be mistreated, manipulated, and abused.
Your optimism shows me we see the world in different hues.

You think that I am perfect and I wish I could say the same,
I wish that I could be confident and proud once again,
I wish that I could love you and I was actually sane,
I wish that in my past I wasn't treated like a game.

I wish that I could appreciate everything you've done.
As I been healing, you've been breaking and hiding it all up.
I never meant to drag you to the hell I lived in before,
And I can't see the light in your eyes anymore...

I'm hurting to my core,
My hands ******, feet sore.
Wanting to redo everything that happened before.

I'm a ******* handful,
I told him when he met me.
I don't deserve to love him **even if he ever let me.