i write HIT ME OUT THE WINDOW on the blackboard

evryone pretends i'm supposed to be there

i hope i die from eating weird strawberries

not because i'm sad

just because

it is dark tonight
occasionally the lights from the skyscrapers blink
i don't like it when they blink
it sends shock waves through my skin

it is dark tonight
occasionally the lights from the candles blink
i don't like it when they blink
it reminds me that i can no longer feel your skin

it is bright today
occasionally i look out the window to see birds chirp
i like it when they chirp
it reminds me that not everything is over

it is bright today occasionally i check my watch, ' drive faster ', i speak
i like it when the traffic lights turn green
it reminds me that we're one step closer to seeing you

it is dark today
occasionally the light from the dining flickers
i don't like it when it flickers
someone just fix it

it is dark today
occasionally the cars give way, like they knew how much i wanted to see you
someone, please let this be a dream

it is sunny today
i sit by the park and watch the kids playing
i like seeing them smile
it feels so genuine, like nothing was worrying them

it is sunny today
the phone rings and i know this is bad
i don't like the ringtone
please make it stop

it was cloudy that new years eve
i wanted to scream out loud
come back
come back

it still feels unreal
i still feel you around me
why do all the good people have to go

i see it every time i look at grandma's eyes
i see a little bit of you in her
i see the days you laughed hysterically
i see the days we had to repeat what we said, you were losing your hearing

i see the day we ran as fast as we could into the hospital
i see the day i had to leave when you asked me to stay one more night
i see the day i had you, but didn't realize it was going to be over soon


wherever you are
i hope you know that i love you,
and i love you so much to know that you're in a better place now,
just not enough to forgive you for leaving without saying goodbye

i miss you

they say empty vessels make the most noise
here i am, tearing my skin wide open
leaving myself right here in the hell we call earth
opening my heart just to be shot back down, again
here i lay, my body and mind empty
my heart blank, my limbs suffocating
my brain worn out and my fingers twitching
here i am, vulnerable and
empty

but here i am, not being able to make a sound
i open my mouth to speak but the words just won't come out
i am trying, i am trying
but my soul has shut down
i am silent
i am an empty vessel, a blank canvas
but i am not making the most noise, im not making any noise
just
because i don't  remember how to

at 3 i am a girl
all I want is to grow up to be a princess
Hopefully with a Prince Charming and a castle

At 5 I got asked what my ambition was
Even then I wanted to be a princess
But not with a castle, I already knew it wasn't going to come true

At 7, I got asked what my ambition was
Then, I changed my mind
I wasn't going to be a princess, it was all in my head.

At 10, I decided I was going to become a doctor
I had watched my close kin bleed out to death in an operation theatre
And I wanted to be a doctor who saved every life that came knocking on my door

At 13, I was too caught in the middle of my friends problems
I spent my days healing broken hearts and listening to stories that I forgot that I had my own stories
Just no one to speak them out to

At 16, I wanted to be a psychiatrist
I was willing to take on the problems of the whole universe
And then I realized the weight was too much for me to bear

At 18, I want to be a person. I want to feel things
I don't want to store them in a box and throw the key away
I don't want to hold my tears back
I don't want to live for anyone around me
I want to live for myself
And there's nothing else I'd rather be because
No one does me better than me

I caught lightning in your bottle,
and I swallowed it whole.
So torrid and treacherously lit,
I became the kind of something
you taught yourself to run from.
Skin tight and white hot,
I radiate light from all angles;
buzzing with fluorescence.
With my fingertips brightening
the curves of your lips,
I trace that familiar fine line
between your fear and fascination.

In a single crack across the sky,
I will set your darkness ablaze
and leave you with
a deafening boom of clarity.
Jolted and stunned, you take in
an infinite illumination,
devouring every inch of
the unknown color and wonder
once shadowed by your thick,
murky doubt.

Blink, and it disappears
as quickly as it came to be.
What you see, you can’t forget.
As the spots dance, staccato
in front of your eyes,
you run, just as you taught yourself,
fast and far, away from the light;
disenchanted once again,
as you recall the fact that
lightning never strikes
the same place twice.
the same place twice.

We were walking through the field,
staring out at Boston.
I was choking on the whisper
of a memory of another here.

I gathered two wild flowers
and I showed them to you:
the familar
          Queen Anne's Lace has always been my favorite,
and the new
          I don't know what this one's called,
          but it's purple and pretty.
          They're both so lovely together.

I don't think you understood that
I was talking about us.

for Matthew and Richard*

Your children are not yours.
They are a gift on loan
from a generous universe.
They honor you with their presence.
They bring you laughter, joy
and sometimes worry and tears.
They are not your life,
but they are the substance
of the best part of it.
You try to raise them with love.
You would take a bullet for them
and smile as you died
knowing your brothers
would take revenge.
And when they are grown
you regift them to the world,
but you never stop worrying or hoping.
You know, that with luck,
through you, they will make
the world a richer place.
You hope they will always love you
and hold you in their hearts
because you know you
that you can never let them go.
You know you weren't perfect
and hope they will forgive you.
You pray that someday
they will speak of you
to their children with affection.
War, friendship, madness, romance,
nothing can compare
to the time they were in your lives
and nothing ever will.

  -mce