she is tired of crying for help into a void;
now between the sighs behind her commas & full-stops,
she communicates through her SILENT fingers
and as long as her pen bleeds on a blank paper
the turmoil in her mind rests
the sunless day feels more brighter
the moonless night a bit less darker
deadly stares from strangers does not bother that much
as long as she gets to read and write,
she knows things will be just fine

Dark Circles beneath her eyes
The fire in those eyes
now replaced by sadness
of knowing too much
Of trying too hard
.
.
the more she saw,
the less she knew
the more she tried,
the less things worked
She kept *restlessly brooding
why the world is so raNdom
and what if the littlest thing that she did
made it fall apart?
.
.
tick-tock
(Restless brooding)
A girl of 17
never felt safe in her own skin
She comes in all the shades of self-loathing

(Restless brooding)
Living a life of mediocrity
Good, but never the best
not worth the change in your pocket.

(Restless brooding)
Centre of the group,
her smile was just that contagious
Chased by many, understood by none
Always loved mystery,
maybe that's why she became one

(Restless brooding)
Red is the color of rust that calms her
Jagged cut across her thighs
She comes with a self-destruct button and hence pushes away the very thing she likes
she wants to decrease the casualities

(Restless brooding)
Sleep won't come easily to her
so she writes and reads
that's pretty much her life
by the window she cries
for the characters whose brokeness resembles her life
but if you ask her why
she'll evade vaguely

(Restless brooding)
She increases the volume of her headphones
to mute the voices in her head
voices which try to drag her to the past
a past she'll never get rid of

(Restless brooding)
with every second that passes by
she pushes the world a little more far away
but she always smiles
so that must mean she's okay, right?

Dark circle beaneath her eyes
because *she spends her night
talking to the stars
and conspiring with the moon
against the demons she herself has created
trying to find the key
to the lock she has chained around herself

And one day she will
one day she will realise
*her light can't be contained
and those dim eyes will shine again
One day she will not be afraid of being herself
even if she does not know who she is yet

I love him
And he loves me
This is not where the story begins
but where it ends
And it's killig me
It's really killing me
That how even with all the time we bought
forever did not last as long as we thought

All i want to do
is curl around him
get lost in him
breathe him
in and out
feel my taste
on his lips
cling to him
and just stay like that
infinitely
with him, more felt better
a bit more closer
with him, more always felt less
and i could not help
but crave for more and more

8PM :
" I'm sad 'cause she will never love him the way you do "
Yes, she won't. No one will

Does she know
that dawn is your favorite time of day
how it embarks a new beginning
and *how both light and dark
exist together
complementing each other's beauty
just like..you and me

does she know
that you wake up in the middle of night
gasping for air
you had dreamt of a giant hole
swallowing all that you loved
it's a childhood fear
you could never get over
it might not make sense to the reader
but it.. he makes perfect sense to me


Does she know
that you miss your grandad
and how it kills you
that you share your birthdate
with his

Does she know that wherever you went
you never felt belonged
so you escaped and found your peace
in nature..that's how you feel healed

does she know
that she haunts you every night
till i came around and loved him enough
for both of us

Would she care
to write a poem about you
an hour before exam

i know she soes not
i know she would not
And i could have said this and many more
but all my lips muttered was
"She'll love you in ways i never did"
No, she won't. She does not even know you.

Yesterday 2pm
you quoted some author
"I wonder how many of us
don't get the the person we want
but end up with the one we are supposed to be"
i nodded
and ran away crying
'cause deep down
i thought you're the one i was supposed to be with
that you and I were meant to be"

02pm :
he told her how he felt
i don't know how he did not hear my bones crack
and my insides burn out
and the blood in my veins evaporate
or maybe he did not care?
.
.
.
.
.
.
time slowed down
nothing mattered
.
.
.
mobile beeps.
your message
she needs time
.
.
.
.I asked you how much time she needs
(how much moments before i lose you? the guy who always there whenever i pictured myself in future will become nothing but a memory)
you said point?I told her i am not moving on. She has a lifetime to decide. And if afterlife exists then even that.
.
.
.
.
everything blacked out
i could feel my empty heart being forced to beat.
.
.
.
i don't know how to continue this
i just had to write this because i no longer wanted these feelings inside of me
endangering the life they possess.
.
.
(looks back at the beginning)
I love him,
he loved me
but the story ended
on a tragic
note
because
I'm a Hindu
And he's a Muslim

kiss me
as if you're dying
and I'm
your only way to salvation

My head
-is a hurricane
of contrasting thoughts and desires;
a hurricane with no eye
weakening the already fragile thread
by which my sanity hangs

My Heart
-is empty
i'm a void you may say
you used to occupy me
but since you left
it's left to rust
and eventually decay

My Lips
-are numb
it's been so long since you lingered there
meekly it whispers
i miss you
but you're no longer there to listen
it's a void
screaming into a void

My soul*
-unseen forces ignite it every night
you left your fingerprints all over it
tell me why did you have to create a flame
when you had no intention of extinguishing it

My eyes
-they never rest anymore
they keep exchanging glance between the watch and the door
not in the least interested in
what time is it
but counting the moments since you left
and hoping that one day
somehow
your road leads you back to mine

i was not kidding when i said
*All of me
needs all of you

I lost
my light
my self
my essence
my entity
my everything
in you

like a star shining at noon

but even that was not enough to make you stay
so, you're gone and never coming back

**I don't know who I'm with you not around

sometimes I am the storm destroying everything that gets in my way, most of the time I am house of cards, torn apart even by a gentle sway
sometimes I am the beautiful sunrise, most of the times i am the blackness of night
sometimes rainbows come to me and borrow my colors, most of the time I Am the queen of everything broken and dark
sometimes I am gravity, most of the times I'm just a void
sometimes I am a strong tide, most of the times I'm the footsteps washed away on sand
sometimes I am what you want, most of the times I am everything you want to run away from but you can't
sometimes i am the warmth, but always I am the damp storehouse you never visit
sometimes I am the sound of windchimes playing that remind you of home, most of the times I am the slamming of the door and You're always leaving
sometimes I am the lullaby that helps you sleep, most of the times I am the silent screams in your head that won't leave you alone
sometimes I'm fire but mostly I'm ashes on the floor,
sometimes I Am hurricane but mostly I am the first building to fall
sometimes i am passion but mostly i am the regretful tears
sometimes I am your muse but mostly i am the song whose lyrics you always forget

*Sometimes I'm the sun but mostly I'm the ray whose shadow left itself for him

take me somewhere far way
without telling me
a place no one knows anything about
WHERE YOU SMILE, THAT'S WHERE I WANNA BE
that's my destiny

let us leave the time behind
and let the world fade into obscurity
everyone who knows us and everyone we know
will
become a small dot in
our-rear view mirror

let the walls of our home
be made of our own memories
let us lie next to each other
till eternity
your arms will be the shore of this river i.e me
where you smile, that's where my destination is

        to the lane of my heart, you came like shower
and drenched the caravans of my thoughts with your essence
         to the darkened alley of my mind, you came like sunlight
          enlightened the dreams of my soul

now that i have tasted the sweet feeling of love,
   i don't want to ever let go
i promise you darling, you'll be all that i ever need
without you, everything ain't enough,
with you, i'll make do, with anything
   a silent promise that my heart did to you
   the first day you held me tightly

so, dear darling,
won't you take me to that place
a place where my dream is reality
and reality seems to be the dream
A place where i wake up to the light in your eyes
or sleep to the beats of your heart as my goodnight lullaby

*Ro,
please take me to the place
where there's no You Or I
just us-
two lost souls who found themselves in each other;
free-falling
defying the law of gravity.
Free-falling..into each others arms, till the end of time

I'm sorry for trying to merge Your shadow with mine