I wish I knew
How not to be sad.
How not to be angry,
And how not to feel pain.

I wish I knew
How to be happy.
How to enjoy life,
And how to leave the past behind.

I wish I knew
How to trust.
How to love myself,
And how to forget the harm.

I wish I knew
How to open up.
How to fight the dark,
And how to get rid of anger.

I wish I knew that
Not everyone is nice.
Not everyone wants to be friends,
And not everyone is kind.

I wish I knew that
Not all things are free.
Not all love is real,
And not all hope is true.

I wish I knew that
Not everything is joyful.
Not everything is beautiful,
And not everything is light.

I wish I knew that
Memories don't fade.
That words sting,
And scar for life.

I wish I knew
That my skies wouldn't clear.
That my demons would win,
And that I would give in to the darkness.

Pitter! Patter! The sound of the teardrops;
pleading that the harsh tear stops.
She ripped it in two and a half...
million different pieces and parts.

The balloon like an orb as the sun shines,
connected by a string tied to my wrist,
severed by a calm tug.
The balloon drifted with the winds,
floated into the air; and with it...
came a realisation that I am no longer a child.

I am no longer a child...
She ripped it in two and a half...
million different pieces and parts
But there was no Pitter! There was no patter!
There was no sound of teardrops
and sometimes I wished I could learn to cry again.


___

I had let go of a balloon
And picked up a pen.

I made myself the ink
that you chose to write your love;
I made myself the pen
that you labelled was never enough.

I became the paper
that you wrote a love letter for someone else
And I couldn't hear my voice
As I let the feelings cage in, begging for help.

I became the pages
that you wrote a different story on
And I've been hurt by you
but I have no idea where the sorries are gone.

You never wrote about us
you wrote about him, about her, about Earth
But nowhere am I in words
and I ventured on to find my own worth.

I went a little too far...
and became mere playthings in your life...
I went a little too far...
and now I'm lost without a guiding light...
I went a little too far...
and I don't know how to feel alright.
I went a little too far...
a little too far, reaching out for you.
I went a little too far...
a little too far, drowned in an ocean of blue.

'Just delete me'
Your number still taunting me
your voice still haunting me.
If it was only that easy
To forget a past, forget a life
Forget a name, forget a light,
It wasn't easy at all.
I've been tempted to scroll down
Find your name and hit call
But I've been scared of what to say
And curtain draws on another day
Yet I still haven't said a word to you.

Your number and name screams
'Just delete me'
But I always choose to live in heartbreak
Regret my mistakes
And keep your number and name
in my phone.

'Just delete me'
Your number and name screams
But I'm too scared of forgetting you...

May this writing reach you, who deserves her more
I trust that you will cherish her with every breath
And love her with a love that doesn't end at death.
I wish nothing but happiness between the two of you
I hope your love forever remains stronger than mine
Keeping both hearts in tandem from the baseline.
I hope you take care of her and make her happy
Beyond any happiness that any human could find.
I hope you cherish and love her every hour
And feed her a love that blooms like a flower.


-From he, who needed to forget.

I begged and pleaded
Bled the beats of my heart
Hoping that the butterfly
Would flutter on its way
But it didn't.

The winds were brutal
as wings flapped as usual;
I had hoped the butterfly
hadn't dropped.

My best friend said
'Don't worry it's just sick';
Coated herself in her
child-like bliss,
I replied to her with
'Ok. It's just sick'.

The teens were brutal
And she held the storms
With a broken umbrella
As usual.
She would tell me
'Sometimes humans are
alike butterflies;
We'd show our beauty
but silence our cries'.

After a while her words
just stopped,
The first day I walked
pass her house,
Knocked on the wooden
frame;
Hoping that I would see her
again,
but silence responded to my
door knock.
The door remained locked.

I was the only one allowed
to knock;
while others used the doorbell
I was the one she would always tell,
'Just knock the door-
it will be our thing'.
Soon after 'our thing'
became nothing.

The second day;
I walked pass her house
Knocked on the door
just hoping that
there'll be an answer,
that she'd dance
her way to the door
and responded.

Her parents went missing
for a while,
Held onto broken smiles
While painting permanent frowns
on smiling clowns.
I have seen things broken,
But their smile sat like
barbed wires along a patch
of empty land.
Their smiles were
the kind, not to keep sheep in
but to keep everything else out.

I came by the third day
Hoping to end my dismay,
I knocked on the door;
she did not answer the door,
And I fell to the porch
cried tears over how
I wished it all went back to before.

I did that for the remaining week;
Hoping that she'd open the door
But she wasn't six feet away from the door;
She'd remain to this day
Not one millimetre from my heart
and memory.

Sometimes humans are
alike butterflies;
We'd show our beauty
but silence our cries...