Little girl with your blonde, knotty hair,

Clutching your teddy, soft and bare.
Why didn’t you cry?
Why didn’t you shout?

Why didn’t you say what it hurt to go without?


What did you feel you had to hide?
What locked your voice inside?
Did you know that no one would listen?
Or think that no one would care?
What’s wrong little girl, with your teddy bear?

You’re singing songs inside your head,
Trying not to hear…
“You’re selfish, ungrateful, I wish that you weren’t here”.
What did you do to make her so mad?
What was in you that was so bad?

One last blow to your head,
You bite on the arm of little ted.
Curling into a ball so tight,
Keeping the silence of the night.

You’re all grown now,
No longer small.
There are no green bottles sitting on the wall.

You’re now told you didn’t deserve the hurt you knew.

You were four.
The fault wasn’t you.

You should have been held,
Been sleeping in peace.

Not frozen in silence, afraid to release.


You should have been care-free,
Not silenced and shamed.
Should you have done more?
How?
What you bore,
You couldn’t have named.

Now I will try to speak,
for the girl you once were.
I will hold her so tight,
when the memories stir.

I will try to unlock the silence and shame.
I will try to release the tears and the pain.

For you were innocent, little one.
You were not to blame.

Why are the nights so long?
Memories on repeat until
Silence screams and time stands still.

All these wounds I still can’t name,
But each one burns me just the same.

I trace the edge where shadows blur,

Where painful thoughts begin to stir.

The wish for it all to end, release.

A final breath,
A kind of peace.

But, for my child -

The world I’d leave,
The heart I’d break,
The cause to grieve.

But, for my wife - 

Who sees the war behind my eyes,
The fear I dress in calm disguise.
I want to go where hurt might cease,

To trade this storm for quiet peace.
But I can’t give to you what I now feel,

This grief that time may never heal.

I don’t feel strong,
I never do.

But still I wake and walk with you.

Not for me, but for the two -
Whose hearts would break if mine fell through.

Because I love them more than pain,
That must be enough,
To try again.

I knew that you planned to leave,
after all my text were left unread,
And you'd stop calling me every night,
it spoke the word you were afraid to,
so I did for you,
asking you why,
what had gone wrong,
And if it was my fault,
but you apologized,
and said it was you,
not me,
which I knew was a lie,
since you're just too kind to tell me.

how much can your eyes — tell lies,
See in what your ears can hear.
speechless sense of a gentle touch,
please show me what you really are.

Nayi jagah thi, nayi silsile
Chord ke aaye the sare hum sare apne purana mele.
Pehli baat, mila hath,
Mene paya jese koi apna sath.
Din b din guzerte gaye,
Kal k anjan ab apne bangaye.
Per khusiya kaha rehti zyada din,
Risto me aaya tufan bhi.
Per kehte he wo dosti hi kya jo tik na sake,
Ha narazgi aayi thi dono taraf per itni bhi nahi ki dil mil na sake.
Me naraz, wo naraz,
Phir bhi jaha piche me chhut jati, teachers ki dictation me thodi dhil ** jati,
Wo pichese chup chap dekhti, aake nazdik jorse wahi dohrati,
Use pagal ko lagta me samaj nahi pati,
Kon bataye use, wo sunke mann mein me muskurati.
Per us din muje bhi kuch gehra samaj aaya,
Sachi dost bhale ** naraz, mene to phir bhi use apne pass paya

the wind blew like a roaring dragon
the rain fell like screaming bullets
the darkness engulfed the vast terrain
i said to myself, "surely this is the end"

the wind picked up a red barn roof
and threw it across the corn field
lighting struck and split a tree
"i will not live to see tomorrow" i said

but i was wrong, i did live
the storm passed and the sun shone
the bright rays of the shun warmed my skin
blue skies greeted my weary heart