When we first met, I savored each word from your lips.
I counted our moments together, our moments apart,
Each one filled with wonder.
I feared that it could not last,
that it was fleeting, ephemeral.
We talked for hours, and I feel further into your siren spell.
I longed to see you, hold you, hear you
I could scarcely breathe without you in my thoughts,
without you in my breath.

Now, it is no longer so.
Our moments together are still full of wonder
You are as transcendent and resplendent as in our youth
You are no less, nor I (I hope)
But I no longer fear that what we have
will melt in moments, like snowflakes on your cheeks, on my hands.
And so I have changed.

Before, I was but a wildebeest, coming down to the waters,
sipping in small measures.
Each sip was sweet, new, delightful, wonderful.
Now, I bathe in the waters, wash in the waters, eat and drink in the waters.
I live in the waters.
I am buoyed by its strength, and guided by its current.
I no longer recall the nomadic life, the thirst, and the quenching of it.
I have forgotten what it is to be dry, to bear my full weight.
I am no longer a creature of the grass,
who comes to the waters for rejoicing, for pleasure, for healing.
I am a hippo, surrounded by comfort, beauty, buoyancy
Surrounded by life and love.

I oft forget the beauty and majesty
of where I once visited,
of where I now live,

You Held Me

Written in 2011 – for he who held my hand until I was not afraid to try
By Morning Star

You held me—
Held safe
As I cried forbidden pain

My body guarded
My heart wide open
I wept unknowingly
With the child in me
The one who could not be held
Who was never free

Given up in darkness
I was all but letting go
And you held me

I was so scared
I barely drew a breath—
And you held me

Now you see me
Looking into the windows of my soul
You hold me

Now I’m not alone
Yet still far from home—
And you held me

But you too
Will soon let go
And once again
To darkness, she will fall
And be lost to the ocean’s call

No one can save her
Because I let her go
I let her go

Frozen in her fate
There is no escape
No one can hold me

The light—
It always lets go

You can’t hold onto melting snow
Or to tears that never flow
You can’t hold onto life inside
When darkness comes
To slay your mind
And take from you
Your life, your kind

There’s no way out
I cannot find
I cannot find
I cannot tell

LIKE A COMMON POPPY, WOMEN IN MY LINEAGE ARE MEADOWS,
SELF-SEEDING THERE OWN MEADOW AROUND THEM,
ONLY NEEDING RAIN

LONG LINE OF ABUSE, BETRAYAL, ABANDONMENT,
FROM MOTHER TO FATHER, MEN TO WOMEN
PARENTS ABANDONING, CHASING YOU DOWN,
YOUR MOTHERS FLEETING, SHE IGNORES YOU

SIPPIN ON WINE BOTTLES,
GIRLS WHO WANTED A FAMILY WHO LOVED,
APPRECIATED THEM AND WHO THEY

every day she comes
sits down at the corner table
sips her coffee
and looks forlorn

I want to sit down
next to her
and to I smile at her
to change her expression

but every time I try
I hit the invisible wall
she has erected around herself
so as not to be disturbed