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2.7k · Dec 2018
Past Midnight
plum Dec 2018
• ° * • ° * • ° * • ° * • ° * • ° • °

She sleeps late at night,
Hoping he'd be awake for her

• ° * • ° * • ° * • ° * • ° * • ° *• °
1.8k · Oct 2018
A Breakdown of A Breakdown
plum Oct 2018
Let me breakdown
the breakdown

The mind is consumed
You start seeing black and white
your body loses balance
your eyes are filled with tears
your nose is blocked
your throat feels tight
you ask yourself
"Why can't I fight?"

You feel pathetic as you fall to the ground
but have no will to get back up
You scream in agony
hoping to be saved
You either want to stay in the dark
or pray to see a spark

Time has passed
and you lay there
Like shattered glass

Not really sure what to do next
you realize that nothing has changed
So you get up
and go back to your daily parade

Slowly you tell yourself
"I don't want to go through that again."
And hope to sleep before past ten

The breakdown does not end there
This is what I'll share:

The rest is up to you and me
Hold my hand,
and together we'll break free
1.6k · Oct 2018
Mysterious Prince Pt.2
plum Oct 2018
You're obsessed with your surroundings
Upset because you're single
But you love to mingle.

Every girl that you see appears to be an angel to you
What I saw in you was a mysterious prince

I found you through your voice
You found me through my face

As the light shined on you like a halo
I stood out in the dark

Your light slowly faded
And in the dark is where you left me

And in the dark is where I'll stay


10.07.18
379 · Dec 2018
End of Chapter
plum Dec 2018
To think you were actually looking for yourself
How stupid can I get?
I kept thinking we were the same
but we’re not
you are someone else
and I am glad I’m not you
you will always be a mystery
but I’m growing tired of trying to solve you
I’m no longer going to play with fire
I don’t want to get burned for you
I will make sure you won’t come my way anymore
You never did to begin with
I’m going to look for the person in the mirror
and make sure that she finds herself
i'm tired of hoping. it's time to move on.
337 · Jul 2018
Anxiety Attack
plum Jul 2018
A mixture of depression and anxiety don’t blend well together


How long





will it stop



I’m in a state of disaster

The ability to control my mind is out of my reach

The furniture starts to lose its shape

I can hear my heart pounding through my ears

Breathing now becomes difficult

I feel myself drowning in despair

I stand up, but cannot stand

I’m holding myself to control my balance

It hurts

Everything

Just thinking about it scares me

I throw myself to my bed as I scream and grasp for air

It’s no longer me controlling myself

It’s my anxiety

It took over me

I was a goner

And then my body responded

I rushed to the bathroom

And regained conscious

It was over

But my body kept trembling

I managed to pull myself together

I moved from my bedroom

To the living room

I sat there

And slowly fell asleep

I wonder

When will it happen again

What will I do

What can I do

I’m afraid and alone

I’m weak and fragile

I

only

have



myself


and my




anxiety
A poem about my anxiety attack
310 · Jan 2019
you are no prince
plum Jan 2019
Mysterious but not a prince
To think I saw you as the pure one
I really was blinded by my illusions
But I always thought it was me
I was wrong,
It was you all along
You enjoyed torturing me
I was your puppet
I ended getting burn
when I said I wouldn't
You laughed as I cried
Was I nothing to you?
Why did you approach me that night?
You ruined everything since then
I won't dare
let you come my way anymore
I prefer to walk alone,
Than to walk with a
mysterious monster.
211 · Oct 2018
To My Death
plum Oct 2018
I don’t even know where to begin
My body trembles as I write about it
I have given up on everything
I have ******* myself over
Everyone has moved away from me
All doors are no longer welcoming
I’ve locked mine up
I only see through my window
I wonder how life would’ve been
If I tried harder and took a risk
All I ever do is wonder and regret
It’s the same every morning
Same routine
Same thoughts.
I can’t do this anymore
I want a miracle
I want to try
I want to be happy
But
I’m stuck
I can’t get out
I just can’t
I love seeing those I care about be happy
I just wish they can see me be happy too
The year is almost over
The season has changed
I’m still the same
I’m overwhelmed, tired
and exhausted
of nothing
I don’t want to be here anymore
Sometimes I feel like leaving
Other days I hope to get past it
When will I get past it?
I don’t want to be lonely anymore
I’m tired of not loving myself
I don’t know how to fix it
I want to move forward
I don’t want to stay stuck in the past
But I’ve given up
I’m no longer trying
I’m no longer motivated
I have no goals
Should I just disappear?
I don’t think it will affect anyone
I’ll be out of the way
They will get over it
And I’m fine with that
I don’t consider myself a good person
It makes sense as to why I deserve this
So death,
will you accept me?
I feel like my life no longer has meaning
I want to go
Take my pain
Take me
I don’t care anymore.
Don't worry, I won't hurt myself.
198 · Jul 2018
Lonely Tower
plum Jul 2018
I can’t move
I can’t think
I only sleep
I don’t remember when was the last time
I saw the sunrise
I avoid everyone
I am stuck in my tower
I have the key to the door
But I’m too afraid to leave my nest
No prince charming exists for me
I don’t exist in this world
Everything that I was taught is kept hidden
I cannot grow
I am tied to my chains
I am the villain
I have no rescuer
I have no fairy tail
I have nothing
I am nothing
plum Oct 2018
My friend,
How much I love you
and care for you
You’ve been with me
through my ups
and my downs
I’m afraid to expose my dark side
And so are you
So we just laugh together
It’s not that you don’t trust me
It’s that you’re afraid of my reaction
It’s not that I don’t trust you
It’s that I’m afraid of being judged
We who have been friends for years,
cannot express what hurts us the most
And because we both know
how damaged we are
We smile and accept one another
You are a true friend
It takes a long time to share the darkest secrets with those you love. We have to accept each other and time will come when they are ready to share. It may hurt what they say, but this just means that they are reaching out for help.
183 · Oct 2018
Mysterious Prince
plum Oct 2018
A guy I ignored
Looked at me the way I use to look at someone else
I wasn't sure whether this was real
No one has ever looked at me that way
And now you're gone
I wasn't able to express myself to you
There was no beginning nor an end
Now I just wonder about you
Who you are
And if you ever wonder about me
I somehow miss you
My mysterious prince


8.2.2018
172 · Aug 2019
Starting Slowly Again
plum Aug 2019
I decided to take the slow lane
Wake up earlier,
Sleep earlier,
Spend less money


Spend more time with my family,
Pray every day,
Be thankful for the little things,
And slowly step back
to start again
120 · Jul 2020
you in my dreams
plum Jul 2020
As you appeared in my dreams
I wrapped my arms around you
with eyes filled with tears.
I slowly whisper to you:
"I'm sorry I wasn't honest with you back then."
Without you saying anything
you wrapped your arms around me,
and I felt your warmth for once.

I wish this weren't a dream.
119 · Jul 2020
proposal
plum Jul 2020
your great news
is my worst news

now I know our paths
will never cross again

to hope is no longer an option
to move on is something I must do

goodbye.
117 · May 2020
Dear Golden Boy
plum May 2020
Golden boy,
I wanted to tell you the truth

Something I should’ve said a long time ago
What my past self really wanted to say to you:

I like you too
I want to be with you too
you’re my best friend after all
I feel happy when I’m with you
I like feeling close to you
I want to feel that spark again,
but only with you.

Yes, me too.

— The End —