Depression is many things

It is numb and aloof
Like you're on trial for being victim to every action or word spoken to you, but you bear the burden of proof

It is overwhelming and undertreated
Sinking or collapsing but never moving. Knowing you're better off now, but still feeling cheated

It is patient and twisting
Always dancing in the dead space of thought before you fall asleep resisting

Depression is many things
But it isn't me

Sunflowers have no reason
To feel sad
Their petals fall off
Leaving seeds for next year.

For us it is different
Our endings filled with tears
Our hearts break the silence
Our love was it all.

I'd rather been a sunflower
Its seeds fed to the birds
Its flowers giving magnificence
To one and all.


Love Mary ***

The look
The lips
The way
The moves
Defeat me

i suppose i'm lucky

i have wonderful, supportive parents
i have a community of scattered friends who are all just like me
i'm not getting kicked out of my house
i'm not getting death threats

i can come out
hell, i've come out to a lot of people

yet,
i still feel trapped

whenever i come out

and most people don't understand
that i have to come out almost every day

whenever i come out
i need to explain myself

pan? how's that different than bi?

it's very different, but people feel the need to tell me
just how invalid my orientation is

and then i'm caught in a very complex gender debate
with a person who thinks its merely as simple as
** and XY

pan? they don't even know what pan means

and they judge me
they judge and judge and judge

people i've known for my entire life,
my chosen family,
they judge too

my brother?
my twin brother?
he judges too

and all of you?
do you ever wonder why i never write
just one of my cheesy love poems about a girl?
or a non-binary crush?

no, you don't wonder
you assumed i was straight

and i don't blame you  

i thought you would judge too