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 Feb 2015 Patricia Vaz
Dust Bowl
I want to fall in love again,
But only with you.
 Dec 2014 Patricia Vaz
Eric
Sometimes
    not always, but
Sometimes
          I lay in bed for 19 hours
          get up
          take a shower
          pace around the house for a bit
          think about calling a friend
          go back to bed

Sometimes
    on a bad day
Sometimes
          I tell my friends I have plans
          say I've been busy
          say the interview went well
          say there was an interview
          say everything's under control
          lie to everyone I see

Sometimes
    occasionally
        more often than I'd like
            more often than I'll admit
                more often than not
                    most of last month
                        all of last week
Sometimes
          I really don't like myself
Disappointment is the worst form of suffering
                          Its the threat for destruction in your everything

To have something to love be crushed
Is the type of pain that cannot be hushed
To hope for something and have your hopes dashed
Is to love and have your heart slashed
                
                 To work yourself to the bone for nothing at all
                           Is to climb the mountain just to fall
                            
                        To smile and have your teeth break
                            Is to fall victim to any mistake
                          
To try and fail by your own fault
                            Is to open a wound and rub in salt

I am used to disappointment
It happens to me so much
Crying over things gone and went
Has become my emotional crutch
                                                            Yet,
                                                     Here I go again...
                                                             Hoping,
                                                         that this time,
                                                              I’ll win
                                 Here I go,
                                Betting all my chips
                            Crossing my fingers
                             And biting my lips
                                                                              
                                        No turning back, it's all or nothing now

                                I want it to work,
                                            someway,
                                                           somehow
                                
                                        Here I go, jumping off a bridge with you
                               Please, do me a favor and don't disappoint me too.
 Dec 2014 Patricia Vaz
MsMercedes
Not many people understand me
And that's okay because
I don't want to be understood
I don't want to be a
Basic picture I want to be
A complex painting
I want to be unreadable,
Unpredictable
**I want to be different
 Dec 2014 Patricia Vaz
Sad Girl
I had a dream that we made up.
We were happy and so in love.
I had a dream that we'd made up,
but that was just a dream.

I had a dream that I was happy,
it was cute and intriguingly sappy.
Had a dream that once you had me
in the best of ways.

I had a dream that we made up,
the best dream ever, but I woke up.
**KD
 Dec 2014 Patricia Vaz
Sad Girl
"Love me," she whispers.
"Love me," louder as she grabs at them.
"Love me," she cries.
Again and again, night after night.
Hit after hit, high after high.
Tear after tear and guy after guy.
Never once satisfied.
Sitting home alone, she cries.

Easy to judge her.
"No one will love her."
Bitter words from hateful mouths.
Oh so needy, "please just love me"
All she cries as you lay her down.

No love for that girl.
Give her a quick whirl,
Then we pass her to the next.
She hates everyone, mad at the world.
Wanders around with her head so vex.

Hard to understand her,
Easy to demand her,
"Do this! Do that!"
As she will.

Everyone watches and waits for the time bomb, everyone wants to see her fail. She's something to look at and something to speak of, without her, where is the thrill?

But what people don't notice, what they don't realize, is that she's hurting behind the pills.

Those cries aren't pleasure, they are pain. She's looking for something that drives her insane.

Searching for love in such a wrong place and can't even see it when it's in her face. It's never a search, really more of a chase. You can tell she's the girl when she's in that place.

The cries aren't from passion.
They are from confusion, but she'll make you ignore it, call it illusion.

She is that girl that no man understands, the girl who is fragile and always in wrong hands. The needy girl always searching for love, hoping that someone is hearing above.

She's sick and twisted and at other times sane, she bottles her pain as she hears them say her name. Never good news, but it's part of the fame. We all know this girl will always hang her head in shame.

Everyone has baggage, but this girl's is quite a lot.
People open her bags up and run once they see what she's got.

But I know this girl when I give it some thought,
we treat her so nasty and do it a lot. We aren't helping her, because it's nobody's problem. Someone has something we want, then we rob them. You have got to latch on to what you want in this life, whether it is wrong, or if it is right.

Remember that girl, by the end of the night. She won't make a fuss, she won't try to fight. She'll just keep moaning "love me" But really, who cares? You can see when you touch her she's not really there.

This story is troubling and very much true, but this girl is me.
What if she was you?

*kd
 Dec 2014 Patricia Vaz
ashley
loss
 Dec 2014 Patricia Vaz
ashley
Sometimes you don’t know it’s the last time until it’s too late.

oftentimes it comes so suddenly,
a goodbye that you thought was only for the night
until you wake up to find that from here on out the only thing kissing your forehead before bed is your pillow.

other times you know it’s coming,
like the last time you’ll see that person laugh before an angel comes
and wipes away every sparkle from their eyes
with the same disinfecting spray used on that hospital bed.

but sometimes, the saddest way, is when you realize that last time has already come and
gone
you realize that a person you once knew, has already left their impact on your life
and has exited without a sound to stage left
after their last scene.

it’s true that you don’t know what you have until it’s gone,
but it’s also true that sometimes you can’t prepare;
like an unexpected hurricane,
and the only thing you have time to grab are some anesthetics for your heart
before evacuating.

every moment of every experience has value,
but sometimes you can’t see them
like the constellations that hide behind a cloudy night;
but they’re still there, they just choose not to reveal themselves.

the trick is, learning how to appreciate them.
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