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 Mar 2016 Pamela Penta
katie
they    were      not      
     someone      you  
could        lust    over,  
they    were     fey,      
blood       not    running
   the     usual     way,  
they     made     me      
   dream    of    streams  
touched    by  moon
beams,    ice     cold    
  fields  at       dawn,      
every     season    I      
have    ever      known
breathing      within
    their     bones;    
dark      woods      were  
organs   once     stood;    
    each      touch    a    
   crunch      underfoot      
revealing   another        
layer  so       deep,      you    
doubt   you     will 
   ever      reach     the    
heart       of      its    beat.
You are light itself;
you are blessed, you are blessing.
Peace always with you.
A response to a poem by PrttyBrd that I can't remember now, but which I needed desperately to read when she wrote it.
Troubled souls
Peering through glass
Of isolated.fishbowls
Seeking consistency beyond
The glass that blocks their view
Although its crystal clear
Still unable to see through
The murky depths
Of their own regrets
For knowingly carrying
Others down the whirlpool
Of their own making
As all around them
Are those being caught
While watching as they
Slide into hopelessness
Of that same morality
They were taught

No loss so great
As dooming others
To ones own chosen fate.
 Mar 2016 Pamela Penta
K603
My Hero
 Mar 2016 Pamela Penta
K603
Let's be heroes, and save ourselves.
No one else is going to
Addiction is
My something bitter
My something sweet

An unholy nightmare
I partly love
But mostly hate

My happiness ripped away
Like cement from a building
I cannot move
For inside out
I am crumbling

All around me my house is collapsing
As I find myself wide open
Standing in the rain
Which keeps falling
Just need a little more numbing

As I am bound to my body
Like an Egyptian mummy
A fight I can not win

Give me another
Another drink
Another pill
Another line

I am not sure
If I can even tell
The difference anymore

A vacuum under my feet
Where floor boards
Once met
My self esteem gone

A diminishing will that
Once stood like a mountain
Is now just empty Canyon

I am Sledging in the snow
Sliding down a mountain
But some how all
My joy has gone

My desire dissolving
Into a glass as
My heart has given in
As I fall into a drain  

Humiliated I feel
As I escape into another pill
As I am truly conquered
But not by a great army
Just my weak will

Slipping to my death
In quicksand I am sinking
And all I think is
Is Spar Open

Skidding on black ice
I can see I am about to crash
But I can not even flinch
Just have another drink

As I take another dive
If only there was
Something inside of me
That could say
Lets stay a Live

Then maybe I could pull
Myself
Out of this

My unholy nightmare
I partly love
But mostly hate

My something bitter
My something sweet
But mostly I hate
I just wanted to make the point that often addiction comes when life for some reason has taken away someones basic happiness
My heart will never cease to bleed
I'll never stop thinking about the life they lead
My soul will keep aching for them in need
toiling for another half a decade due to them with greed
my eyes will never cease to see their deed
and ponder why did them,God have to seed
my feet are tired of wishing they could go an extra mile
maybe take some gunfire, burn for my country man to smile
my back is broken by the weight of my rage
it's a fire that isn't dying out, will I ever turn the page?
I'm stuck in a labyrinth of contemplation
wondering what other illness awaits my nation
besides ignorance, illiteracy, corruption,tyranny and fear
& much more, yet I still appreciate hailing from mid the sphere
There's a throb rooted deep in my mind
pondering what on earth could make one so unkind
I hope someday to injustice I'll be blind
I hope a day will come when I'll leave behind
these whys,hows, whats and whens like it never was
I hope time heals all wounds as the saying goes
otherwise I believe the cut is deep and infested
  by the loathing for everyone who stood by a government
we badly wanted away and a system we detested
I've tried to have the pain excreted but it's all digested
it's overdue and getting me dizzy due to the ferment
the memory is fresh, the election a forgotten torment
to some but to many like me it's here,it's every moment
it's that grass thatched house at angle theta or beta
it's the agony of the teacher, doctor & whoever's bitter
it's a sting worse than a cut by a banister's wrong splinter
it's the south pole in juxtaposition to winter
it's that malnourished barefooted child battling a jigger
it's the starving,and those plagued by poverty with food but meagre
from my position this wasn't a loss to the opposition
it was a golden chance ripped off the feeble hands of the next generation
a robbery in plain sight,hit below the belt in our fight
my fingers will never tire of typing about this plight
for the crested crane was shot midway her flight
fooled to go to the polls and defiled worse than a little girl
my prowess will but always demand for a piece
about the day we totally lost the beautiful pearl
and thence not a single heart ever knew true peace
not the losers as we have been falsely accused
but worse, not kigundu and many more who were used
For God and My Country Uganda
(please sorry if anyone is bothered... it's just a hard time and only this way can I truly pine)
 Mar 2016 Pamela Penta
Sirenes
I woke up with a heavy heart
Nothing made sense
All the visions
Between sleep and awake
Melted in to each other

I stood up
Slightly out of balance
Thinking that I'm just drowsy
But then my vision blurred
And I stumpled on to the couch
"I'm working, be quiet"
I heard her say
Inbetween the flashbacks

The flashbacks of you beating me
you will bend to my will
Words of deep resistance
Left my lips
As I curled up
You proceeded to violating me
And I screamed that one day
You'd wake up
Standing next to your body

This made you retreat each time
You cried in the corner
And I woke up
With no memory
Of what you did to me...

Deeply greatful
For the peace that I've found
I recover from this panic attack
And face another day
Where the future
Looks bright
And you're but a distant memory
I've found peace
And you're still sick.

I can handle my PTSD
And everything you did to me
There are no marks
And I've won over you
Once more.
Attitude is everything.
Embracing life <3
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