Y  o  u     t  o  l   d    m  e
  t  h  a  t        I        w  a  s  
C           O            L         D
  B   u    t     i     t     w  a  s  
    y      o      u       w    h    o    
n       e        v        e        r
  t    r    i    ­e    d        t     o  
B       R       E        A        K
        t      h     e         i      c     e.     .      .     .

○               °  
°           °       ○
°      ○
○           °
I      d   o   n  '  t
k     n       o     w
    h  o  w    l o n g    
I    h  a   v   e  .
F o r   a l l   I
k  n  o  w
I ' l l
m
a
k
e
every
second of it count.

Make babies, not by-products of ***.

in all these crowds

i wander my way

looking for things

that'll help me stay

for everything's back

to being gray

now that the sun's hidden

it's dusk after the day

as the darkness descesnds

my demons come to play

and i'm left alone

to type away what i had to say

i no longer believe

that everything's going to be okay

so i'm learning to live

happily in my own dismay

for the drops will change

everytime it'll rain

i won't do the same

over and over again

i know i ain't normal

so i accept i'm not sane

i remember who i am

-the prettiest product of pain

dead eyes
don't tell lies
for they once survived
in the light they thrived
only to be enclosed
in the the darkness enfold
.
.
.
their tears have dried
for they've cried
a sea so stormily silent
leaving rivulets so violent
that now stand still
waiting for the ****
.
.
.
all good things come to an end
so why do we pretend
that this happy moment will last
when our past shall cast
shadows on our present
waning our full moon to a crescent

i don't want to feel

anything for anyone

so that i can heal

and be fooled by none

caring makes me weak

so i want to be bleak

again

angered by my pain

insane

in chains

for letting myself free

shattered my broken soul

painting my heart as black as coal

so now i know

what these emotions cost

making me feel oh so low

such that

no love in me is left to be lost

what is it about your darkness that draws me in,
your deep voice or the thought of your hands on my skin?
what is it about your eyes that make me burn the instant they connect with mine,
two bottomless pools of blue, like sublime sapphire they shine;
making me think of perversions that i end up craving your sinful crimes
and i feel like a mortal competing with a god all the **** time!
only if you knew about the things we did in my head,
would you still look at me with nonchalance or would you take a step ahead?
for i stand waiting, day-dreaming about your touch
oh gawd, the mere image has me writhing for you so much
how your lips would move over mine, biting hard
a kiss so cosmically explosive, hurting like glass shards
and good lord, would i revel in that pain
needing you inside me again and yet again
i want you to roughly bend me over on the nearest surface,
tearing down my defences by covering me in your enchanting embrace
it hurts how i want you to a point of madness now
and so defy you i at every chance i have like an unspoken vow
because your magnamous ego and privileged *** is what i despise
that’s why my desire for you is quite a surprise
how i’d want want your body moulding into mine from behind
working me oh so thoroughly that i’ll be sore, i don’t mind
i can’t stop this frenzy, this lust covering my vision-
you’re an enigma, alluring me into your passion-prison;
does looking at me ever kickstarts your dead cold heart?
or have been i invisible to your mighty presence since the very start?
i hate this power that you have over me, making me question my sanity-
you’re my personal hell crafted with satan’s potion & profanity

They didn't do anything wrong,
I take all the blame,
It's me who endured the same burns,
caused by different flames!


I GUESS I'M THE ONE WHO'S STUPID;
FOR I HAD MISTAKEN VULCAN FOR CUPID.

your
memo
r i  e s
do   i  erase
by bleeding
on this page
t   h   e   s   e
m  on ster  s
away i chase
by lett  ing my
own out of cage
for there'll be none
s   o        b     r   a  v   e
who'll   try      to       save
alone w      e shall  
thrive      that's
   the     way
we'll
   s      
     u  
           r
v
i        
      v    
          e

I will like you

on your dark gloomy days,

when there'll be none

I will stay.

I will cherish

All your rusty broken parts,

which they'll try to fix

as if Kintsugi Art.

I will accept you

just the way you are,

from your tears to your fears

I will caress all your scars.

I will see you

even if the world turns blind,

lost in your head

I will help you find.

I will breathe

life into your dead eyes,

giving you my light

I will fall for you to rise.


You wonder why

will I

go through

all these things for you?

Well,

because I love you,

in all your dull-bright hues.

i keep on looking for you in the crowds
behind the faces covered with coloured shrouds
but i see nobody like you
-a rainbow made of a new hue

you're nothing like the girls i've kissed
but something ethereal all along i've missed
i know that women like you are a rarity
still safe from the world's depravity

you're like the sun, so bright and full of light
maybe that's why your absence is like night
with no stars or meteor showers
no constellations or supernovas

you slipped through my fingers like water
and i was abandoned at our romance's alter
how did we reach this point, love?
when we thought that our feelings were above

you melted on my tongue and twisted my heart cords
a goddess in true sense, my gift from the Lords
and now i am nothing but a poor man with wealth
burning in the memories of how your touch felt

come back to me for i will rectify my mistakes
don't disappear on me like a snowflake
stay and give us one more chance baby
without you, my life's nothing but scary

-love
your man

you think you know heartache
can distinguish between real & fake
but you don't-not until
it stills your soul and kills your will
it guts you alive making it hard to survive
it makes you bleed and difficult to feed
it makes you your worst nightmare
an eternal scare
and all you think is why did you care
why couldn't the world be a bit fair?
so much pain you try hiding
want to end up confiding
but you can't
simply can't
because it keeps you going
keeps you from showing
what you really feel
so don't you reveal
pretending you care no more
even when you're nothing like before
oh reader you're changed yet the same
-wild emotions tough to tame

i am *****
i am flirty
i ******
i deduce
no man out there
will ever be aware
of how i play them all
making them fall
with texts and calls
that go on and on
heartless was i born
i am the worst kind
making them all blind
i'm the evil you write about
whispering in your shouts
how i broke your stupid little heart
toying with you from the very start
but one thing you said was right
making you feel is a pure delight
i am the fiercest flame
so today i take the blame
i betrayed the one friend i made
making him devoid of all his shades
i am wicked and nothing more
-your beloved attention *****

is depression
lack of expression?
a friendly shove
of long lost love?
too much pain
numbed yet again?
loss of your sister?
a cheating mister?
broken trust?
past pretty unjust?
no more affection?
no chance of resurrection?
lack of will to live?
or nothing left to give?
no more words left to write?
long lost will to fight for light?
too much darkness in your eyes?
no truth left untainted by lies?
bleeding heart that can't pump blood?
an impending tear-flood?
abused and bruised for way too long?
you can't find where do you belong?

depression is everything yet nothing at all
it is the rise that doesn't happen after the final fall

he looked at me
when he said goodbye
with no regrets
in his words and eyes
all i could do was stare
at the man to whom I was bare
to please stay
even for a day
and take me in his arms
enveloping my palms
and embrace me fully
like some pretty poetry
for i don't wish for these stars or this sky
all i want is his shoulder to cry
all i need is his shoulder to cry

i miss your voice
and how it sounded in my ears
for its not by choice
that i don't get to hear
i miss the way you said my name
for i only heard it twice
is time to be blamed
or is the distance paying the price
just say something and send it to me
so i can touch you even when i can't see

if you want something
they say get it
what if i want it all?
from sunrise to fall
a galaxy and infinite stars
to set the ****** bar
go beyond and then a little more
to find out
the after and everything before
who was i
and what am i going to be
or a simple species in between
where am i and where will i go
is this the first chapter
or the last show?

what does it make me
when i kiss a stranger?
let him have his way with me
because i crave danger?

what does it make me
when i wear a short dress
pair it with tattoos and piercings
just to express and none to impress?

what does it make me
when i like to have fun
with a cig or a drink
in my leather jacket and messy bun?

what does it make me
when i sleep with a 100 men
and don't wait for a husband
to break my ******' *****?

what does it make me
when i like to stay alone
love or date nobody
and be happy on my own?

what does it make me
when i talk to guys for hours
listen to their stories
and try to heal their scars?

what does it make me
when i post **** pictures
of myself in a red lipstick
with cocktails and mixtures?

what does it make me
when i don't want babies or want five
because motherhood is a choice
and not just a means to survive

what does it make me
a ****, a ***** or something more gore?
a pretty girl you'd love to ****
and be done with once you tuck?
or a pure little submissive
with whom you can be dismissive,
a good wife who's got no drive
and on your mercy shall she thrive?

what does it make me, eh?
it makes me whoever the hell i want to be
a replica of a celebrity or plain ol' boring me
for i don't want the society to be my benefactor
i am enough for me and my perfectly imperfect character!

maybe my pull isn't that strong
because you seem to deviate, always
from the path we've walked on for so long
that it's been a lifetime and not mere days
are my body and soul not enough?
or are the times too tough?
that you choose the easier option
and leave me without any caution
for i have been here for you, always
but maybe you don't want me anyways
so i wish you luck and so much more
and hope we can still be okay, like before
i don't have it in me to fight, i am tired
and maybe a bit too differently wired
for the likes of you and everybody else
but this time it ain't my fault i can tell
and it's for the better, i can feel it
because we're those pieces of a puzzle that will never fit

at the end of it all
all we are is mere dust
rising today for tomorrow's fall
to reside in earth's crust
we laugh we cry we hear we say
everyfuckingday
and pave our way
until we'll no longer stay
what gives life meaning is death
yet all we do is waste our breath
over anger and retribution
defying our very intuition

i don't know
what's making me show
my screen glow
in this dark dark room
where all i have is gloom
i have everything
yet nothing at all
so many numbers
but none that i could call
too many blessing to count
yet so much self doubt
my dad's playing his good old songs
my mum's watching her series
yet here i've been sitting for so long
that my own head seems eerie
it's pouring out
the silence too loud
i miss a friend i had
his memories making me sad
there's none so bold
to ever fall for me
i've been told
i'm pretty
yet the irony
that none think i'm worth
i too curse my birth
i also miss my sister
her death gave my soul blisters
that still bleed and will never heal
i don't want to feel
just an adrenaline rush
a sext here; there a crush
nothing permanent
nothing to cement
just give me an hour i crave
i promise, after that i'll behave

thank you for that moment

in which i was loved

all the minutes i spent

with lips-locked, souls handcuffed

i lived and i died in your arms

that wrapped around my soul

keeping me away from harm

and making me whole by filling up that hole

but you can't be mine

neither can i be yours

yet we'll be fine

that i can tell you for sure

because you'll stay with me always

with your impression on my heart

that i will preserve today

by creating this oh so raw form of art

with 23 years of breathing away
today as i walk down these lanes
with lots of words but nothing much to say
staring through these not so familiar window panes
every face i see here seems to be known
passing me by as if to greet me even tomorrow
with bluest of sky and chilly wind blown
i look at the church and the enormous tree with sorrow
because with each fleeting moment
and ticking of this life clock
my heart's getting full of the sentiment
-nostalgia brimming, ending my writer's block
because i miss the days when i wore red
and my only stress was to score good on a test
but now i have some serious issues to deal with in my head
that even though i am home yet trudge through i a tempest
my soul craves solace and this body needs benediction
to the place i belong shall make me whole again, i pray with conviction

when i imagined experienced guys
it always meant in the physical way
sharing body was ohkay, i don't know why
but emotional connection, i can't say
i could take it if he'd put the same hands, the same lips
on someone else's neck, chest, legs and hips
but looking at her how he looks at me
isn't something i imagined freely
he has loved, kissed, made love, hooked up
in the choices for relationship goals, he ticks all of the above
he's even gotten his heart broken and cried for another girl
lost his temper and tons of abuses has he hurled
he's gone through everything that i'm feeling for the first time
so yes, i am the immature one taking responsibility for this crime
i wish he could be a little more possessive
say stuff sober and be more expressive
but that would be greedy of me, right?
for these trivial matters i shouldn't pick up fights
yet feel i lonely on days like today when
nothing really big did happen
he's a great boyfriend, just very real and not rare
but that doesn't give me a reason to not care
for everything he does for me and more
i should be grateful for all this from the core
and to be honest, i am because i am a problem child
chaotic and messy, too stubborn and willfully wild
he tames my urges and makes me see sense
with him i wish to attain perfection without pretense
but at the end of the day when i lie down on my bed
this calmness travelling through my head
wonder i will this be enough? his sanity to my madness
he's safe, selectively thrilling but doesn't make my blood pump in wilderness

we are going to die
if not today then tomorrow
so why do we lie
believing there won't be sorrow
for who has come
will definitely go
nobody's wholesome
it's just for show
then why sail ships of relations
when we know life's just a vacation
everything that starts
is meant to end
then why engage our hearts
when we know there'll be none to tend
to our broken souls
and damaged minds
that'll be decorated with holes
and missing pieces hard to find

dear reader, tell me please
why do we get attached
when we know that this person
can any moment be snatched
a w a y
any day

every little thing

reminds me of him

i try forgetting

and letting

my feelings go

as i don't want to show

that how he still affects

and infects

my cold cold walls

that i've built

to stop myself from going back

and make my decision tilt

i don't understand the charm

of unrequited want

deep down i know he means no harm

yet his memories haunt

i hope he finds what he's looking for

maybe that'll help my disease cure?

oh holy father forgive her for her sins
since she's a loner lost has she been
looking out for herself in forlorn forests
clueless wanderer who walks for miles before she rests
but after being thrown to the wolves has she realised
there's nothing out of question for humans, nothing to surprise
for they'll feed onto your body until they get to your soul
destroying you so thoroughly is their only goal
so she stopped being nice and took reins of her life in her hands
unafraid she led on to conquer those chauvinist lands
too godly gold and too ****** bold for your taste
she was that catch that you missed in your haste
so now she owes nobody a dime
moving flawlessly, her body so sublime
she's too pretty to shed tears for the likes of you
a face like hers isn't meant for your view
so now that she's survived hell she ain't scared of nothing
she's a daunting devil who has an angel's face and wings

i don't want feel this anymore
i wish this from my very core
how i try to act normal around
lonely as hell in these crowds
one look at me they see
how different i breathe
in this inferno i seethe
of agony, guilt and loss
seeking forgiveness from the cross
yet here i sit
in this dark depressing pit
and pray to be just like all
easy to love and for fall
this stubbornness of mine
keeps me from being fine
the thoughts in my head
make me twist in my bed
these images from my past
in my dreams and screams last
and make me want
to stop this haunt
yet helpless i lay
writing away
all this pathetic pain
******* again and again

day by day, bit by bit, word by word
she brought herself back to this world
breathing life into her half dead corpse
she screamed back to life devoid of any hopes
what seemed colourful yesterday was back to being black
a grief so severe that made her broken heart crack
it took a toll on her head that was in a disarray
figuring out why this happened to her in this very way
when every vulnerability, every fear of hers was rubbed in her face
thought she to herself was this person ever truly her safe place?
what does it matter now, because to him it never did
-"move on, move along"-until you find your next bid!
but some of us don't really fill our voids with replacements
all we can do is feel and focus on our repairment
we will never see a future with someone if we don't let go of our past
if you want a new beginning you can't let your old ending last

i miss the sun

i miss the heat

i miss the pounding of

my own ******' heartbeat

i miss your hands

i miss them on me

i miss the way

we both used to be

i miss your eyes

i miss their intensity

i  miss their fire

that burnt me for eternity

i miss your lips

i miss how they parted

i miss the ending

and how it all started

i miss you

i miss me

i miss us

and everything we could be

it'll always be physical
attraction, affection & attention
making me cynical
and creating these perceptions
all he wants is an adrenaline rush
and all she longs for is some company
the blood running to give him a blush
switching her cloudy days to sunny
a drink to bury his sorrow
a text to make her a little less hollow
a joint lightening up their eyes
only to mask their conjoint cries
they're too afraid to feel
and too wounded to heal
so this is how
with their depression they deal
but not feeling won't help
later or sooner they'll yelp
because done damage
can never be cured
simply hidden behind a bandage
day by day it'll be endured

i think of you in a way
that i am not supposed to
with myself i play
while the thoughts of you flood
my head- all day long
and now those songs
that are about steam and ***
are making pretty much sense

what is it if not attraction?
is craving your love, more than mere transaction?

because i want to make-out
under the starry sky and cuddly clouds
but then leave it there
somewhere
nobody will ever know of us
or about this hour of oxytocin rush

you don't look at me ever
and maybe belong to another
and that's why all i do is write
poems that you'll never read
so whatever this is, i try to fight

you too aren't worth the effort
like no guy was
but all i do is blurt
words that mean nothing to you
why is it this sad always
why is this the case
i wish i could simply be a machine
running on gasoline
with no feelings or desires
keeping myself away from liars

i wish i could love like the sun
truly and wholeheartedly
for he burns for the one and only one
who shall never be his devotedly
she bears children he didn't make
yet he sets his life for them
only to rise again and take
a father's role from the sky's hem
he shines his light so that she can thrive
a love so profound that it hurts
because he'll give his all and survive
watching her from the outskirts
and one day when he'll be old and gray
he'll be close to her yet far away