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202 · Oct 2021
★☆
Påłpëbŕå Oct 2021
often wonder i

what is it about the bad guys

that draws me in

tempting me to sin

for he'll break my heart

know this i from the very start

yet i crave his fractured feelings

that can't be fixed by healing

so i love him with all i am

to the lion i become the lamb

only to be devoured by him

and claimed from limb to limb

in his arms

away from the harms

only to be destroyed in his cocoon

for falling for him isn't merely a boon

but a bane wrapped in pain

i willingly gain

again and again

because he is a beautifully broken man

who'd never been part of my life's plan

so deep do i peep

to find stars in his scars

and a love so profound

to him I stay forever bound


-----★☆★☆★☆-----
your darkness, your brokenness
that's what draws me in
i don't want to fix you
but simply love you just the way you are

"A Strong Woman Doesn't Weaken Her Man Only Softens Him"
-Anonymous
202 · Dec 2022
:/
Påłpëbŕå Dec 2022
:/
i am at a bad place right now
don't ask me when where or how
i wish i could ask how you are
about your journey and your scars
but if i open that door to you again
i guess all i will cause is pain
what if i only want to talk for a day
and then be okay going our separate ways
i am pretty needy, hormonal you could say
so with our minds i wouldn't play
be wise and never respond or initiate
and be not fine with all the wait
for all i am and all i will ever be
is ******* .l.o.n.e.l.y.
201 · Dec 2022
void
Påłpëbŕå Dec 2022
i want to reply, say something
but i am holding myself back
because i am scared of forming words
with emotions that i lack
this suspension feels good
this feeling of nothingness
in which my brain stops
filling me with emptiness
i was so full once
that i gave everything i had
but now what's left of me
is making me sadly glad
i like me better now
with not a single friend
just me, simply
waiting for the end
no anger left
no love left
no smiles formed
as if unscathed
i guess the scar fades when it heals
or is it just the cut that seals?
and underneath lie
a strong self hidden
guilt-ridden
waiting
to be better
like the last letter?
199 · Jan 22
slaves
Påłpëbŕå Jan 22
good things come to those who wait
be it money, power or a very hot date
say people who've lived patiently
and thus, succumb to death in a way so uncanny
that from their first breath to the last rites
from their lovely days to sleepy nights
nothing stands out, nothing really matters
all their stages of life in scatter
mothering kids to cheating spouses
cooking dinner to sprouting abuses
getting married to getting hospitalized
their birthday to deathday, everything finalized!
then what do we live for? to end up this way
sad and lonely with bursts of joy on some random day
just going through the chores and getting done with it
we wait to live by slowly killing our wit
that maybe one day this curse shall break
and maybe we too will be able to make
a life worth remembering, a life worth filming
watching documentaries, worshipping celebrities
all the while going round in circles, whimpering
losing that spark with each added year till we reach our sixties
being grateful for a life that was wasted in wishing for more
we wait, yes dear reader, we wait all our lives to die, even before-
we learn to live, we learn to fly above bluest of waves
with an albatross around our neck, we survive as slaves
dream? oh, it's a luxury-says the girl who never dared to dream but wait, she's seen people who did dream and could not succed- they didn't work hard enough? no they did...then why? because some things are simply predefined, that's it
198 · Sep 2020
Why Do I Write?
Påłpëbŕå Sep 2020
I wondered one day;
As on the grass I lay,
Why do I play-
With words this way?

The ladybird that sat on my nose,
The dew drops wetting my toes,
Inspire the sentences to dance as I close-
My eyes, why do I end up forming a prose?

Then I sit up straight,
Bending under the weight;
Of the rhymes that skate-
In my brain, at this fast rate!

My fingers itch for me to write,
To allow this impending insight;
Come out of my core with all its might;
And help me unburden and feel light!

I look for a piece of paper,
And a pen to build my skyscraper;
That will reach the sky like water vapour,
And contribute to form a rainbow sometime later!
We all write for different reasons;
We all write about same/different seasons.
So, let's just let these words flow,
And help add colors to our little rainbows!
197 · Jul 2024
broken glass
Påłpëbŕå Jul 2024
how did you do it, create a life from death
while bleeding out, how could you give your breath
to save someone as despicable as me
because showing me any mercy is blasphemy
how could you look at my scarred soul
that is black with enormous holes
weeping day in and day out, begging to be gone
how do you bear with someone who should've never been born?
your gentle touch, you pretty smile, your eyes so warm to all my vile
how could you still stay when i pushed you so bad
doesn't this tire you, make you miserable and sad?
because it makes me want to hide and let you go
knowing fully well that i don’t deserve your friendship, for i am your foe
yet you caress my thorns and hold me close
making me better, helping me get over these woes
does it make selfish to want to keep you in my life a little bit longer
praying to whatever power there exists to make me stronger
for the day when you finally give up on me and leave
abandoning me in the grave of my deepest griefs
196 · Feb 2022
🌊
Påłpëbŕå Feb 2022
trippin' in tipsy seas
smile i at the sky
being me, being free
my wings spread to fly
taking off away from home
i go where my heart roams
not buzzed because of *****
i'm just letting a little loose
👗
196 · Apr 2023
insignificant
Påłpëbŕå Apr 2023
it's funny how stupid i can actually be
thinking that people feel as deeply as me
the thought of losing someone i care about
makes me anxious, i cry and shout

my love shall never be returned
and thus, i shall stay silent and stern
for i never mattered and neither will i
from the first hello to last goodbye

it will only ever be me- alone
how insignificant i am, life has shown
but it is because of my nature i suppose
people have done nothing wrong, of course

i give too much that nothing is ever left
i spare people even when they should be charged for theft

guess it will always be this way
since my unfortunate birth to my decay
i shall be forgotten without any delay
for i can't be like other girls, even for a day
196 · Apr 2023
Future?
Påłpëbŕå Apr 2023
I want to write something that will stay even when I no longer do,
Trying to portray my life covered in fictional hues.

I want an out yet wish to stay chained to my comfort zone,
I wonder if in this body I have a single confident bone?

So that I could step out and be
.F  .  R  .   E  .  E.

Of my mind that imprisons my soul,
Making me believe living my life is a goal.

I long to be happy without feeling guilty
I wish to dance to my heart out for eternity;
But all I do is think about it all
Too afraid to love myself because of my fear of fall.

Will I ever be able to carve my name somewhere-
Where
It shall always stay
Even when I will have faded away?

"Not Marble Nor The Gilded Monuments" spikes my anxiety
Thinking,
Will my afterlife shall be forgotten by entirety?

The thoughts about my future are seeping out of my sutures...where will go to what will I be?
-are all thoughts by a mere nobody who fears staying an unworthy nobody.
195 · Nov 2022
MaDne§
Påłpëbŕå Nov 2022
i realized something when i was a teen
that i don't want a love that's sweet,
not something like a rom-com scene
with flowers and chocolate treats

i crave madness and craze
an obsession so still and strong
that his thoughts make me graze
my fingers to places that are wrong

the more i push him away
the more he makes me submit to his will,
that all my nights are his to play
with a mastery in twisted thrill

i want him to consume me
engrave himself on my skin
keep me bound yet set me free
in this profanity filled with sin

i want his rough hands on me
and his dark eyes on my soul,
for through his eyes do i see
how beautiful look i under his control

it's not something normal know i
wanting something so **** dangerous,
yet i feel that this broken guy
will be anything but treacherous

he will put my pieces back
and make me whole again,
because there's still something i lack
that has made me find pleasure in pain

i was always told how different am i
and this thought often made me cry
sick to my stomach because of my wants
i was afraid of what lurks inside the haunt...
.
.
.
and so i will leave this poem incomplete
just like i am
because with every ****** heartbeat
it's tougher and tougher to repeat-
"maybe i will find you one day
or else be lost forever,
because
i want it all
or i else i am okay with never"
all or none phenomenon
******* very much
to all the authors who write about such forbidden fantasies, you have corrupted me to the core
192 · Mar 2023
perfume
Påłpëbŕå Mar 2023
as black as a black hole

but not as deep as one

for this body bears a soul

that longs to be the sun

but no light i shall give

harbouring singularity i live

what am i in this infinite vacuum

a fading fragrance, a perfume

i shall survive but be forgotten

i shall die away like a volcano

all this lava in me oh so molten

will burn me alive in an inferno

what good is my birth wonder i

and the insignificance makes me cry

i am just another rose in the bunch

w a i t i n g  t o  w i l t

fathering kids like a ******

accompanying the knife like a hilt

what purpose do i solve

why did i evolve

where am i supposed to be

my future is something i can't see

suspended in midair i feel stuck

no talent i have, simply pure luck

useless i feel, useless i prove to be

nothing great is written in my poetry

i can't form words that shall outlive me

chained to my thoughts i am not free
191 · Sep 2021
scale your sky
Påłpëbŕå Sep 2021
she was a bird in her mind's cage

a slave to her own rage

for nothing could destroy her except

the pessimistic thoughts she kept

she didn't fly

not because she couldn't

rather because she didn't try

as she believed that she shouldn't

the sky was hers to scale

yet she never left the land

but one fine day did someone hail

and offered her his hand

too scared to spread her wings

she shrunk into her shadows

but he was one of those good things

that stuck around to on her grow

so step by step

did she prep

for a flight oh so high

scaling their sky

with him on her side

-that all her fears died


--The End--
i  don't know.........but i couldn't stop myself from writing this

thank you
:)
191 · Oct 2021
titanic
Påłpëbŕå Oct 2021
is heartbreak
a mere ache
of a disfigured *****
the one
that pumps you up
only to bleed you dry
and leave you in pain
of unheard cries,
unanswered whys
and unsaid goodbyes

is a lost chance
worth the trance
of pills that ****
your ability to love
again
only to refrain
yourself
from anyone else
who dares to care

well
the answer
if i tell
says-

be brave
don't think
cuz it's not the safe
that stays
but the ship that sinks
is the one that people link
with love stories and magic
even if it's tragic
it will be worth it all
cuz you'll rise again
after every fall

so be more than
your fear of tears
its only after the storm
the sky shall clear
190 · Feb 2024
the way you look at me
Påłpëbŕå Feb 2024
you look at me like you want me
but you never say a word, simply see
your eyes do a tour but never dip too low
very gentlemanly of you or is it just for show?
because i have heard your tales, your reputation precedes
the list of your conquests is what that impedes
me from obsessing over your veiny arms and full lips
making me crave your body, from toes to finger tips
because i know where your hands have been
who warmed your bed and how you left her cold
girl after girl has exited your door, i have seen
and yet, you think it's your face that i want to hold?
i might have episodes of self-destruction but i have more than two brain cells
i know that you aren't an angel who fell
you're a devil who seems to want a piece of me now
but letting a man take me for granted is something i can't allow
so what that your piercing gaze makes me wet
it's not a good enough reason for me to let
you touch me there where i ache for your expertise
i am self-sufficient to make myself relieved
but somedays it's a little difficult to get you out of my head
because it's your soul that i see instead
of a guy who simply wants to blow his load
but you're a risky bet that i can't afford
so stop looking at me like you want something from me
because honestly, i am pretty weak
i will succumb to my ***** demons soon
~you're a bane so why are you pretending to be my boon?
189 · Jul 2021
like you like me
Påłpëbŕå Jul 2021
tall and lean
oh a little bit mean
i like the way you look
-a guy from my book

easy on the eyes
a tempting prize
i like the way you smile
-even if i witness it for a while

dark deep stare
sinuous hair
i like the way you scrunch your nose
-making me curl my toes

calm and collected
temper-tormented
i like the way you are
-silent like a star

a piece of work
i can't seem to shirk
i like the way you think
-interesting to the brink ;)

i like you

but is it enough?
for me to not be tough
give-up my inhibitions
and ignore these superstitions!

you are my crush,
or just another adrenaline rush?
189 · Aug 2021
shades of pink
Påłpëbŕå Aug 2021
it's funny isn't it

how i lose my wits

whenever i see you

in shades of pink and blue

i can't dare to look your way

what if you have something to say

hours and hours i spend

dreading the day this will end

i admire you so much

that typing this is making me blush

how can seeing you close by

make me oh so happily high
i don't know what goes on in your mind
or if you even give a second thought about this stupid girl who's nothing special...........just honest to you and to herself

but simply breathing the same air as you makes me happy..........i thought i was logical and understood that all this is a chemical reaction
but experiencing something so beautiful.......i just don't know :-|
188 · Aug 2021
deleted chats
Påłpëbŕå Aug 2021
another day went by
since saw you i
wondering how you are
watching from afar

i've never heard your voice
but this isn't by my choice
what goes on in your mind
i am too scared to find

so this is all i do
pour out my heart
here in these words and few
missing what has always been apart
everything's going to be okay
that's all i have to say today

it's you who's got the power to hurt me
but i am taking my chances
187 · Sep 2020
THE GHOST
Påłpëbŕå Sep 2020
The rain that poured on that day;
Made the trees wet and the leaves sway.
I stood under the shed behind the school,
Waiting for the drops to fade and wind to cool.
I shivered as the air blew my hair;
I trembled as the sounds sounded to scare.
And then when my eyes figured out a figure by my side,
My heart beat in my mouth and forced me to hide.
I squealed, I screamed, I stayed shut and tried,
To think and believe that my mind had lied.

But then he came closer and looked at me,
With an intensity that set my spirit free.
I lost the ability to form words and phrases,
I wondered was he a ghost that chases?
Because, if that were true,
I won't be able to run a step or few.
But then he opened his mouth;
And then I heard a voice that made all my blood run south!

'Its not safe to be alone in here,
The shed is haunted and you should fear'
I looked at him with both amusement and awe;
And pondered how beautiful he looked from where I saw!
Call me stupid or whatever you want reader,
Because he scared me to death not moments ago- but now was my fantasy feeder!

I took a breath and shook my head,
"I am not afraid of you"- is what I said.
He smiled an evil smile and held out his hand,
With shaky fingers I raised mine to land,
On his palm that looked so strong;
Only when I couldn't feel it- I felt something was wrong!
I looked up and found those irises piercing mine,
With all my might I fought to be fine.
A ghost fantasy!
187 · Nov 2023
a piece of cake
Påłpëbŕå Nov 2023
oh dear heart, your nerves did he hit
with those abs on display, did it feign a fit?
for my braincells couldn't stop me
from looking at this gorgeous-gorgeous being
with hair that curl in my hands
and eyes that travel upto foreign lands,
for when you look at me
i turn a little breathy,
you **** all the sense right out my body
doing this to girls, isn't this your hobby?
i have heard stories of your sexcapades
a "God" in bed, you think you're an ace of spades
so even if i desire you, your hands, your lips, your tongue
in your ocean of wilderness, i shall never plunge
because i ain't like one of your ****** or groupies
i have a ****** backbone, which i know, that you fancy
so i won't be another notch up your bedpost,
another one of your score that you'd like to boast
i am more, i am better and shall never fall for a bad boy
i have too much life to ever become your ******* toy,
but i can't help this stupid beating *****
that makes me think of you quite often
of all the things that i shouldn't do
-it's your name in CAPS, it's always you
for i have had one taste
even though it was chaste,
and now?
i can't stop myself from calling you tonight
because you're a piece of cake and i'd like a bite
your hotness gives me a fever
your coldness gives me a rush
your sweetness gives me diabetes
but it's your heart covered behind all those hard exterior layers that gives me hope
187 · Sep 2020
&
Påłpëbŕå Sep 2020
&
IF YOU CAN'T STAND MY UGLY;
YOU DON'T DESERVE MY BEAUTY.
If I ever fall in love, I will fall for all of you!
186 · Oct 2023
meh
Påłpëbŕå Oct 2023
meh
after reading thousands of pages dipped in love
words formed from bleeding ink yet it isn't enough
for me to formulate something of my own
all these fearsome feelings i wish to set in stone
the rise in my pulse on seeing him, the smile that touches my lips
the way he looks at me from far, his hand in mine- grazing my fingers tips
i wish i could tell you how this is making my mind churn
the want i feel for him and how this desire makes me burn
but i belive the hopeless romantic in me took it's last breath
and i killed it while it laid on it's death bed
so i stay with it's memories and corpse
suffering day and night with my writer's block
nothing inspires me anymore
maybe filling in the blanks satisfies the core?
so i believe that the best poems spring from the worst heartbreaks
beacuse being in love isn't what that makes
me pick my pen up and write my heart down
to make my poetry the talk of the town!
185 · Aug 2021
♤♡◇♧
Påłpëbŕå Aug 2021
you know i like you, but you don't
for this i shouldn't blame you & i won't
i have never liked someone enough
to give up being tough
but you changed this for me
made me feel what it means to be free
i have opened up my heart here
letting go of all my fears
waiting for a single sign
that one acknowledgement line
but nothing comes through
i know i am making this difficult for you
i should take what's left of my pride and leave
i would if i could, me should you believe

i don't know what's stopping me
but i just can't give up without a fight
but doing this on repeat
is diminishing my already dull light
before you i used to pride myself
how i don't let guys affect my life
never wanted to be with anyone
because of my own emotional rife
yet here i am vulnerable and weak
in your eyes maybe i'm a freak
but i am grateful for going through this
learning what it means to miss
someone i never had
now has the power to make me sad

i have spoken too much, haven't i
but how can i withdraw without a try
you hurt me and you don't even know
i am simply reaping what i'd sown
say something
anything
but not nothing

i don't know what do you do with these poems i write for you.........what started as a normal way of expressing myself has now turned into something seriously deep
i don't open up easily
i keep things to myself
i believe in- nobody's going to be there for you because nobody's going to be you.........we have to fight our own battles so what's the point in sharing our life with other people...........but when it comes to you i don't have much self-control, do i?
184 · Feb 11
sol VI
Påłpëbŕå Feb 11
when will this longing go away
these unwanted thoughts shall seize to play
in my head, all day long
like a tune on loop, an earworm i can't sing along
for you're not simply out of my league, you're a whole another multiverse
spread to infinite horizons, to my very existence- a curse
that has me bowing to you, making me daydream
of a future of us together, bathing under the sun's beam
maybe one day you'll see me in that light too
maybe i won't simply be a boring, uninteresting view
maybe i too will be able to pique at your brain
maybe there'll be a time when i'll make the blood in your veins
pump at a speed that make your heart pound so hard
those three dancing dots and then radio silence will feel like swallowing shards
oh my, a muse too immune to my writings, a clueless cue
that this should be the last poem i write for you
Påłpëbŕå Jul 2023
you look at me like you want something from me
but wonder i, what possibly could it be
for i have nothing to offer you
neither a sentence nor words a few
then why do your eyes burn holes into mine
searching for what lies deep inside
i cannot fathom the depths of your obsession
burning so bright with an everlasting passion
you're my poison, you will be the death of me
and so wonder i, why do you look at me like you want a broken piece like me
182 · Sep 2023
metamorphosis
Påłpëbŕå Sep 2023
it's funny how once could i write
long long paragraphs about a feeling
with nothing just loneliness in site
could i think about falling and healing
but now nothing great comes to my head
just these plain old lines whisper
leaving me desolate and doubtful instead
my pen full of ink and papers being crisper
yet struggle i to put two words in a sentence
everyone and everything is more or less a pretence
was i born to be this person that i am today?
was there this much potential in me all the way?
then why as a child did i dare to dream big,
wanting to grow a fruitful tree from a twig
yet my life's been an unending autumn
floating now, i remember rock bottom
because when i had nothing i had all my words,
and this moment when i ain't empty, inside me breathe two worlds-
one is about contentment and satisfaction
but the other, puts me in this torturous traction
to do more, be more and become more
if nothing special, but better than before
and all day i live in this conflict
two ends tugging at me, the pain they inflict
i don't know what this ******* process is,
merely morning stress or a **** metamorphosis?
182 · Jul 2021
difficult
Påłpëbŕå Jul 2021
i promised myself yesterday

i won't think of him any way

yet he is on my mind

and to my poems he is blind

he reads them daily without a doubt

that he's the subject to all my bouts

his ignorance is not my bliss

so letting this attraction go- my only wish
i don't know what to do

this is difficult
180 · Aug 2021
write for you
Påłpëbŕå Aug 2021
it's not easy you know
to be brave and show
how i feel about your existence
and shape my thoughts into sentences
thoughts.......
how was your day
wondering if you're okay
what new did you learn
am i any of your concern
and all this thinking
is making me type this
to tell you that
it's you who i miss
i don't know what to do
stop or keep writing for you

but we both know the answer, don't we
i am oh so stupid and silly
i will keep writing for you
until i'm specifically asked not to
since 13th of July you're my muse
all that i've written is for you
but i don't know what else to do
to make you see how i feel about you

mess line
august dates
lunch time
bus waits
don't have that much appeal these days
:(
177 · Jun 2021
c r a v e
Påłpëbŕå Jun 2021
you gave me a taste

even though chaste

leaving me crave more

and

more

and

more

and like the thirsty sea

i keep panting to meet my shore
i will never forget you
because you won't let me P
176 · Aug 2022
Remorseful Rain
Påłpëbŕå Aug 2022
Sat I next to the window of the car

Peering out of it into the clouds,

As my mind went a bit too far

Heard I him in the rain sounds.


The engine roared and the road started

With me in the back seat;

Tip- tap, peter-pat the drops imparted

The knowledge of his lost heat.


The music played in my periphery

Reminding of a time when,

‘Him’ and ‘me’ were a perfect ‘we’

-a love that was truly forsaken.


Every lyric that poured in

Synced with the sky’s song,

The nature was witnessing

How he left me alone in this throng.


From the first time we met to the last time he held my hand,

Our first kiss to the last time we slept,

All those moments from our dreamland

Came back to me as the heaven wept.


The drops on the window drew lines of lament

And my vision turned blurry,

Because our story was in fragments;

-the one that ended up in a hurry.


He threw himself down the cleft

Giving birth to a tragedy,

And now, all I have are words left

Of us, the rain and our past poetry.
176 · Jul 2023
sol II
Påłpëbŕå Jul 2023
i had this dream last night
you and me and a long bus ride
huddled together in a seat for 2
leaving behind our town's view
we talked for a while
and passed a few smiles
only to let the silence embrace us
keeping away from topics of trust

but i could feel your mind churning
and deep down hoped for a desire burning
for something that i'd craved for far too long
knowing ****** well that it was wrong

and then dozed off me
into yet another fantasy
of a reality pretty far from mine
with our hands intertwined
and our faces mere inches apart
and booooom, i woke up with a start
only too see that your hand had moved
and was now gently touching my fingers
with looks that weren't appropriate to linger

i was hyperventilating, wasn't i?
my face up in ashes like the sunset sky
and your gaze pierced my soul
as if i were a diamond amongst the coal
you whispered my name and said-
"i wish we'd taken my car instead.......
and Oh My God i convulsed there and then,
wondering how did this ever happen?

because even in my dreams know i this
that i am not a part of you that you miss
to your calmness i am chaotic and careless
to your perfection i shall remain a mess
and you will soar high and shall always rise
whereas i will be a broken little girl who cries

because you're the sun that shines too bright
and i am a moth drawn to your darkest light
to the muse who shall never know that i wrote this for him
176 · May 2023
the villian
Påłpëbŕå May 2023
when i look back to when i was a little girl
with starry eyes i watched the glitter world
but now as i am in my twenties
with knowledge of dollars and rupees
wonder i where that dreamy hope went
wondering why to this place was i sent?

it all made sense back then but now is a mess
all i have gained is experience with stress
heartbreak isn't the worst that could happen
but it's unbearable when it occurs often

friends and family seem to be something i fancy
because now all i have is an acquaintance agency
with every hour my thoughts get deeper but i become hollow
this adulthood is nothing but a bitter pill i swallow

wake up, work to eat and sleep
with episodes of anxiety on repeat
i hate the person i am today
broken, escapist and lost away
with a pathetic past and futile future
i am waiting for a permanent closure

i have wasted so much time on people to whom i had never really mattered
and this realisation has me sobful and shattered
nobody loves you, but just what good you can do
in this planet full of people, all you have is you

so why let anyone in?
if they all leave after they've been

i wish i could go back because i can't go forward
i know it sounds like i am a coward
but honestly, i am just tired of trying
being strong and giving has me crying
i have no love left inside
everybody to me has always lied

what did i ever do to you, ask you i
i don't understand why do i always end up this way
a guy falls for me and i don't
still i am good to him, i try to make him feel better about himself
never ever lead him on
but they don't get it
so when i take all the blame and ask them to find someone better
they hate me for the rest of their lives
why am i always the villain?
what did i ever do to deserve contempt from people who once claimed that they loved me
and the guy who promised to be different is nothing but just the same, a liar
175 · Dec 2020
Attention Whore
Påłpëbŕå Dec 2020
PART 1

I will be on my knees
still never beg
to be yours
as I'll spread my legs.
Letting you tie
my wrists with ropes
doesn't mean submission
so don't up your hopes.
If I let you in
and you let me come
please stop mistaking
it for something beyond fun,
as you move
up and down, inside-out
marking my neck,
it's simple biology without a doubt.
And as you taste me
getting too close
somewhere no one's ever been
don't you dare think it's you I chose.
I don't care
for anything other than
these bursts of pleasure
where you're just another man.
Stay where you are
never cross these lines,
I am an attention *****
it's the thrill on which I thrive


PART 2

I sold my thoughts
for mere pennies,
prepared myself to be bought
by so many.
Craved attention
by typing stories of my dismay
sought appreciation
with vulnerability on display.
I kept all my clothes in place
yet I was naked to your eyes,
leaving behind all my grace
I forced you to hear my cries.
Unfolding my story
giving away my parts,
I served you my glory
by pouring out my heart.
Years of uncertainty
has my stomach in knots,
guilty for a moment of vanity
I am done calling the shots.
Please free me from this bond
I don't want your attention anymore
of you I am no longer fond...
Why? Because,
I'm not your *****
so stop demanding encore.
175 · Aug 2021
for granted?
Påłpëbŕå Aug 2021
thought i won't write
for you today
but even out of sight
you're making me sway
your way
such that i'm stringing
these lines
and clinging
to hopeful vines
of you
thinking about me too
i haven't done this before..........i have no idea what's fast or what's slow
all i do is write for you
i ain't like other girls who look pretty and all
i am just me
will writing for you make you take me for granted? maybe
but **** me if i know what to do  :-/
174 · May 2023
all that glitters IS gold
Påłpëbŕå May 2023
from miles away your eyes see
a girl who's really pretty

but when she let's you close
let's you take her hand and hold

you start to notice the flaws
and realise,
-the serenity was simply chaos

and you are repulsed by her reality,
"your admiration in all its fragility"

and that breaks her heart
when you hate her other parts

parts that she hid from the world
but chose to show you and only you.

why do people leave
when they get to know her, ask you i?
that only strengthens her belief
that it will always be the glittery gold that satisfies
never let anyone near for they love what they see from a distance
the nearer they get, the more they see, offers nothing but resistance

so keep to yourself, both physically and mentally
it's always your body and face that interests them, never your personality
they hate what they see and that's why they stop talking to you
because they love your good parts but hate your issues
172 · Nov 2022
graveyards
Påłpëbŕå Nov 2022
there are places in history
that shall always remain a mystery
for the world will remain better
if those pages of past won't flutter

there are people of a tense
that we can't think of without blurring our lense
so why go back to them and cause pain
to both our souls again and again?

some chapters shall never be opened
and some books shall always remain closed
for we bury certain parts of our hearts
in order to scratch and start

but the itch to dig our own grave
to turn for just one last taste
of the lips we shouldn't crave
is wrong and will always be waste

going back, dear reader is our ultimate ruin
because the more we time travel,
the more we discover truths
that shouldn't have been unravelled

once we ****** a part of our past
move forward shall we always
and even when the dark shadows cast
we should still get through alone that day

but foolish are we humans with super stupid brain cells
still wanting to read those old greeting cards
we jump into our own death wells
and thus keep stopping by those haunted graveyards
why can't past remain where it belongs, in the past that is?
Påłpëbŕå Sep 2020
I'm not bad; Maybe just not good enough yet
I'm not sad; Maybe just not happy enough yet
I'm not weak; Maybe just not strong enough yet
I'm not bleak; Maybe just not warm enough yet
I'm not a failure; Maybe just not successful enough yet
I'm not a wailer; Maybe just not joyful enough yet
I'm not sick; Maybe just not healthy enough yet
I'm not maverick; Maybe just not puppet enough yet
I'm not a bullet; Maybe just not safe enough yet
I'm not a poet; Maybe just not sane enough yet
167 · Sep 2020
{♡}
Påłpëbŕå Sep 2020
He said- "You are a rose,
Pretty to look at; But hurts when close.

I told him he was a cactus,
Words couldn't describe him; So I used my canvas.

And the desert I painted could never,
Grow both of us together!
I do love you;
Just not the way you want me to.
166 · Oct 2023
m.o.n.otonous
Påłpëbŕå Oct 2023
everything hurts, from my heart to my head
for all these years the lies that i had been fed
are now showing their true colour of shades
blue to black with dust of gray in spades
i feel like a ***** in the oxymoron that this life is
where temporary pleasures feel like a permanent bliss
i am scared to my death as i exhale fear with every breath
because all that i knew was a mirage in this desolate desert
and now my personalities react after being **** inert
i want one thing but need the other
i think one thing but do the other
there's chaos running through my veins
unstable are my senses and mad is my brain
anxious is what i am all day long
and so all this forever feels wrong
i have done something i wasn't supposed to
and the what if scenario has now come true
i have let down people and disappointed their hopes
the very thought of betraying them doesn't help me cope
i wish i could turn back time do things right
but wonder i what would be my insight?
if allowed to go back would i change a thing?
or would i choose the same ****** song to sing???
166 · Oct 2022
dark light
Påłpëbŕå Oct 2022
and as the world stood lit
on the terrace did i sit
admiring how darkness
vanished behind the bright
only to see the night confess
it's lust for the light-
"as in the dark stays hidden
like a ***** secret we remain forbidden,
his hands on my hips
his mouth on my lips
he pushes me into the wall
and makes me moan in the abandoned hall
for i melt under his sheer energy
engaging in an ****
letting him pull my hair and bite my tongue
then caressing the spot where it stung
he makes me crave him to the core
after him nothing feels like before
and now that it has come to an end
where black and white both blend
i scream in the gray
as he's gone his own way
and all i am left with are hickeys on my neck
rest everything is free of any speck"
from dusk till dawn
i willingly become his pawn
and now when the day shines
light forgets his faithful night
166 · May 2023
.P.A.S.T.
Påłpëbŕå May 2023
it hasn't been long since i last wrote
yet inking real poetry seems ages away,
when words flew without any implore
and i could free my feelings everyday

now everything remains stuck inside
deep within my head it all hides

and i feel ~ asphyxiated
indulged and incinerated
without a way out i sit in solace
my independence lost in space

what more does my life has now
was my past better somehow?
i miss people from long ago
but i guess that letting them go
was the rightest of right thing
yet feel i like an angel with a broken wing
incomplete and tired
differently wired
hauntingly beautiful and dauntigly dead
i am forever lost in my head

what am i doing with my life, i have no clue
every minute i feel pink, black and blue
no innocence left in view
i feel ugly covered in painful hues
Not A Poem
165 · Oct 2024
moving on
Påłpëbŕå Oct 2024
will this colourless existence ever see any hues?
or in this time frame all i shall feel is blue?
i talk to people and feel nothing at all
still checking my phone to see if he'd call
but he's already out there having the time of his life
pretending he's the victim and blaming me for the rife
yet day in and day out i cry, feeling weak as ****
only to piece myself back together and try my luck
he isn't a lesson but a trigger has he become
making me question everything and then some
i don't grieve the man he chose not to be for me
but i simply shake my head at the betrayal i couldn't see
for he went out there and told people about my vulnerabilities
thinking he did something right by crushing even the possibilities
of us even being civil to each other's presence
and maybe not always being better in each other's absence
how easy was for him to forget about me and my love for him
because i've witnessed him remembering her for years on a whim
maybe i had my answers all along and still stupidly hoped
my beating heart pumped more than blood, a dream to float
and now, when the ship has sailed and sunk
i am here alone, wailing and waiting for that punk
to finally see sense and mend his actions
but he's too far away, moved on with his stories and captions
how much longer is it going to take for me heal?
it's almost been 3 months...yet "We Don't Talk Anymore" hurts like a *****
i know this is good riddance, this is good for me but him turning out to be exactly like he promised he'd never be breaks me
i can't even talk about it, talk to him or do anything will all these feelings i have

it's just a chapter, not the entire book...i don't reread it, don't even want to but his nonchalance is making me feel ******* used

but nothing matters right? you gotta be strong p :)
164 · Sep 2023
sol V
Påłpëbŕå Sep 2023
i always thought that i'd be the light of your life
like all other fairy tales i'd end up as your wife
but neither do i glow and nor do i show
the traits of being a soft-spoken docile woman
that would be best suited for you, my fav human
i am deranged and dark waiting for a spark
to light me up from within and more
and make me happy to the core
i am like earth in this system of yours
pining over you for so long because
i like the idea of having your sole attention on me
being the centre of your universe maybe
but that's an unhealthy obssession say i
and like the moth, i'm chasing a new high
only that i've hated loving you all along
manifesting by your side i belong
but we couldn't be any different know i this
and that's why i can't even imagine our kiss
because you're too sacred for a demon per say
and i understand your distance anyway, always
yet you're my unwanted muse that i can't not write about
even though i wish to stop and silently shout
it's frustrating to write and yet never be acknowledged
but maybe this anonymity makes me feel privileged
as i write these sentences for you to read
without you actually paying much heed
that you inspire a deep devilish part in me
and become the muse of my petty poetry
i hope this is the last one
i don't understand why i am writing this, but i can't stop myself

to the muse who lives in ignorance
164 · Jun 2023
loser me
Påłpëbŕå Jun 2023
it's funny how i keep wishing to go back
yet i yearn to move in fast forward
my worries keep piling up in unending stacks
and i turn a blind eye to them like a coward
with every passing day
i keep more to myself than i say
to him, to them or anyone near me,
i don't even write it in my poetries
so much is going around
every thought is in circles
losing am i more than i've found
evading everything like a shirker
but stand i steadily on this shaking ground
relying on talent but never being a hardworker
everday i feel like a loser
who was beat at her own game
i feel like just another random doodle
who thought she could make her name
disappointment i am to everyone who ever believed in me
every minute alive i wonder where i'd be
but nothing's going to be real; only imaginary
an old soul who shall fade away in contemporary
no notes these days, nothing new
friends i had, a few
but now nothing, nada
growing up *****
but you know what ***** more?
not doing anything about it
i am at the same place
not moving, not even an inch
stuck stranded ****** suspended
164 · Nov 2020
¿
Påłpëbŕå Nov 2020
¿
They did not clip my wings;

But made me believe that I can't fly.


Questioning my every move;

Never answering my whys.


Telling me my limits;

Darkening my already stormy sky.


Taking all my reasons to live;

And giving me none to die.


Choking on my own tears;

I drown in the ocean I cry.


They did not pull my strings;

But made me their puppet as I can't defy.
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